Coping with the guilt of what I've put my kids through
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I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said but just wanted to pitch in with support as well. You can do this. I have two boys myself and they are my biggest motivators to stay sober. Congratulations for not getting that wine, you made it another day.
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Originally Posted by zjw 
Thats your inner addict talking. I know
I've been in a few situations where out with my son and i'm like oh man those cigarettes look great and my sons like DONT DAD i wont let you! and i'm like yeah we will see about that boy (inner addict thinking) and i'm like god i cant do that and i should be greatful he's looking out for me in this regard. The same has happened with booze Oh man look at all that beer i would love to have a case of that and my son again No dad dont even think about it. Inner addict wants to tell him to **** off i'll drink if i wanna! but the good part of me says ugg thank god i got these kids looking out for me because short of them and my wife i got no one looking out ofr me to make sure i stay sober.
and believe me I dont like being accountable to others. I despise it with a passion. Its taken a long friggen time for me to go thank god for my kids keeping me in check.
at the same time I"m fully aware that my inner addict is cunning and is constantly playing this game trying to trick me into a drink! so i gotta be on my toes none the less.
I've been in a few situations where out with my son and i'm like oh man those cigarettes look great and my sons like DONT DAD i wont let you! and i'm like yeah we will see about that boy (inner addict thinking) and i'm like god i cant do that and i should be greatful he's looking out for me in this regard. The same has happened with booze Oh man look at all that beer i would love to have a case of that and my son again No dad dont even think about it. Inner addict wants to tell him to **** off i'll drink if i wanna! but the good part of me says ugg thank god i got these kids looking out for me because short of them and my wife i got no one looking out ofr me to make sure i stay sober.
and believe me I dont like being accountable to others. I despise it with a passion. Its taken a long friggen time for me to go thank god for my kids keeping me in check.
at the same time I"m fully aware that my inner addict is cunning and is constantly playing this game trying to trick me into a drink! so i gotta be on my toes none the less.
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Originally Posted by dogslover2016
Hi Nic, this is near and dear to me. I have 3 teenagers and they know all too well the horrors of having an alcoholic mom.
I try to focus on rebuilding their trust, a day at a time. My middle child attends Al-Anon and seems to find a lot of value and comfort there.
You're doing great - keep going and keep sharing.
"No punishment is so terrible as prosperous guilt."
WILLIAM E. CHANNING, Thoughts
I try to focus on rebuilding their trust, a day at a time. My middle child attends Al-Anon and seems to find a lot of value and comfort there.
You're doing great - keep going and keep sharing.
"No punishment is so terrible as prosperous guilt."
WILLIAM E. CHANNING, Thoughts
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
By showing them what they already think - the best mum in the world
Trust me on that Nic
Trust me on that Nic
Your words mean so much to me... I appreciate it...
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Originally Posted by chickippo
my daughter left my 'care' at 13 to live at her dad's. i was devastated. she's almost 16 now and i am almost 2 years sober. she hasn't been left unscarred, but every day i don't pick up a drink, those scars heal a little.
i'm a child of alcoholics and the guilt i feel at putting my own child through that is unbearable, so i am finding ways to live with it without hurting myself any more.
they remember more than we know, and they love us no matter what. it is never too late to change, and to rebuild those bridges.
be well.
i'm a child of alcoholics and the guilt i feel at putting my own child through that is unbearable, so i am finding ways to live with it without hurting myself any more.
they remember more than we know, and they love us no matter what. it is never too late to change, and to rebuild those bridges.
be well.
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Originally Posted by Dad23
Your awareness right now can be your biggest motivator to never turn back again.
I grew up in an alcoholic household and, at the age of 14, 15, or 16 - if you asked me what I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING in the world...
It wasn't cool clothes, or motorcycles, or cars, or music or anything.
More than anything else, I just wanted my father to get sober.
I'm a father now and that's my #1 motivator to stay sober, and it can be yours too.
Stay strong. Take booze off the table. It can't be an option.
I grew up in an alcoholic household and, at the age of 14, 15, or 16 - if you asked me what I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING in the world...
It wasn't cool clothes, or motorcycles, or cars, or music or anything.
More than anything else, I just wanted my father to get sober.
I'm a father now and that's my #1 motivator to stay sober, and it can be yours too.
Stay strong. Take booze off the table. It can't be an option.
The booze is off the table now.. I just have to work at keeping it away....
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said but just wanted to pitch in with support as well. You can do this. I have two boys myself and they are my biggest motivators to stay sober. Congratulations for not getting that wine, you made it another day.
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Nic, I have kids, too and I feel your pain. But as someone said, they will be SO proud of you for quitting (even if they don't show it -- they are teenage boys, after all....) My 18-yr-old son never told ME he was proud of me, but he did tell his best friend's mom, who relayed the message. They will also respect you more, even when they witness you struggle. They'll see a mom with strength, determination and guts. The past is past; all we have is now. So make your "nows" the best they can be.
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Thanks so much for replying uncorked. Yeah I know that they ARE proud of me every day I stay sober. My youngest woke up and gave me a kiss and said "day 20 Mum"
It's just so raw... I want all this to be over and for this alcoholism to be a thing of the past. Day by day hey.
It's just so raw... I want all this to be over and for this alcoholism to be a thing of the past. Day by day hey.
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I used to be the neighbourhood drunk...wild bearded, stumbling, red eyed, little cartoon waves of stinkiness coming off me...
Noone remembers me that way any more - we can rehabilitate our reputation
D
Noone remembers me that way any more - we can rehabilitate our reputation
D
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Hi Nic,
Like you, I have struggled with the guilt of my past behavior. I will say that I when I read your post my initial thought was how nice it is that you modeled for your son how to work through something that was difficult for you and not revert back to the former way of coping. My best success with overcoming guilt has been to let my actions speak for me, just like you did today. I verbally tell my children that I love them, but it is reinforced by my actions.
There will, I suspect, always be a part of me that holds a bit if regret for the past. But just like my AV, the regret no longer controls my perspective. Many good memories have been piled on the not-so-good over the last 16 months. I think you took a step in that direction today.
Wishing you all the best..
Like you, I have struggled with the guilt of my past behavior. I will say that I when I read your post my initial thought was how nice it is that you modeled for your son how to work through something that was difficult for you and not revert back to the former way of coping. My best success with overcoming guilt has been to let my actions speak for me, just like you did today. I verbally tell my children that I love them, but it is reinforced by my actions.
There will, I suspect, always be a part of me that holds a bit if regret for the past. But just like my AV, the regret no longer controls my perspective. Many good memories have been piled on the not-so-good over the last 16 months. I think you took a step in that direction today.
Wishing you all the best..
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Originally Posted by Anna
Nic, it will become part of your past. Just stay focused and think of the best for yourself and your children. They clearly love you and want you to succeed.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I used to be the neighbourhood drunk...wild bearded, stumbling, red eyed, little cartoon waves of stinkiness coming off me...
Noone remembers me that way any more - we can rehabilitate our reputation
D
Noone remembers me that way any more - we can rehabilitate our reputation
D
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Originally Posted by Mark1014
Hi Nic,
Like you, I have struggled with the guilt of my past behavior. I will say that I when I read your post my initial thought was how nice it is that you modeled for your son how to work through something that was difficult for you and not revert back to the former way of coping. My best success with overcoming guilt has been to let my actions speak for me, just like you did today. I verbally tell my children that I love them, but it is reinforced by my actions.
There will, I suspect, always be a part of me that holds a bit if regret for the past. But just like my AV, the regret no longer controls my perspective. Many good memories have been piled on the not-so-good over the last 16 months. I think you took a step in that direction today.
Wishing you all the best..
Like you, I have struggled with the guilt of my past behavior. I will say that I when I read your post my initial thought was how nice it is that you modeled for your son how to work through something that was difficult for you and not revert back to the former way of coping. My best success with overcoming guilt has been to let my actions speak for me, just like you did today. I verbally tell my children that I love them, but it is reinforced by my actions.
There will, I suspect, always be a part of me that holds a bit if regret for the past. But just like my AV, the regret no longer controls my perspective. Many good memories have been piled on the not-so-good over the last 16 months. I think you took a step in that direction today.
Wishing you all the best..
I plan on making great sober, new memories with my boys from now on, X
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Originally Posted by Nic233
I don't plan to relapse... It's just a fear. I will give this everything I have- thanks so much X
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Hi nic,
I think I am jumping in here a little bit late but what you said about your boy counting your days with you, it's beautiful. I'm a mom with little kids. I know that guilt. I'm 33 days sober and that's the longest I've been sober since my second son was born. Your fear is real, but I think you know that drinking is no longer an option. The question I had to ask myself is what am I going to do now that I'm not drinking? How am I going to handle life and having to look at the wreckage of my past? Someone finally told me that I needed to surrender to whatever my program of recovery was going to need to look like. If that meant going to rehab or hospital or AA, then that's what it meant. If you have meeting near you, go. Just forget about any preconceived notion's and show up. Ask for help. At least for me, leveling my pride for a chance to have a life with my kids was worth it. You got this and you are already doing good work😀
I think I am jumping in here a little bit late but what you said about your boy counting your days with you, it's beautiful. I'm a mom with little kids. I know that guilt. I'm 33 days sober and that's the longest I've been sober since my second son was born. Your fear is real, but I think you know that drinking is no longer an option. The question I had to ask myself is what am I going to do now that I'm not drinking? How am I going to handle life and having to look at the wreckage of my past? Someone finally told me that I needed to surrender to whatever my program of recovery was going to need to look like. If that meant going to rehab or hospital or AA, then that's what it meant. If you have meeting near you, go. Just forget about any preconceived notion's and show up. Ask for help. At least for me, leveling my pride for a chance to have a life with my kids was worth it. You got this and you are already doing good work😀
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Originally Posted by Lscotty1
Hi nic,
I think I am jumping in here a little bit late but what you said about your boy counting your days with you, it's beautiful. I'm a mom with little kids. I know that guilt. I'm 33 days sober and that's the longest I've been sober since my second son was born. Your fear is real, but I think you know that drinking is no longer an option. The question I had to ask myself is what am I going to do now that I'm not drinking? How am I going to handle life and having to look at the wreckage of my past? Someone finally told me that I needed to surrender to whatever my program of recovery was going to need to look like. If that meant going to rehab or hospital or AA, then that's what it meant. If you have meeting near you, go. Just forget about any preconceived notion's and show up. Ask for help. At least for me, leveling my pride for a chance to have a life with my kids was worth it. You got this and you are already doing good work😀
I think I am jumping in here a little bit late but what you said about your boy counting your days with you, it's beautiful. I'm a mom with little kids. I know that guilt. I'm 33 days sober and that's the longest I've been sober since my second son was born. Your fear is real, but I think you know that drinking is no longer an option. The question I had to ask myself is what am I going to do now that I'm not drinking? How am I going to handle life and having to look at the wreckage of my past? Someone finally told me that I needed to surrender to whatever my program of recovery was going to need to look like. If that meant going to rehab or hospital or AA, then that's what it meant. If you have meeting near you, go. Just forget about any preconceived notion's and show up. Ask for help. At least for me, leveling my pride for a chance to have a life with my kids was worth it. You got this and you are already doing good work😀
I've been going to 3 meetings a week since I became sober 20 days ago lol! I also have a beautiful sponsor who checks in on me every day. I do realise it's no longer an option for me to continue drinking- I just need to learn how to live my life sober, as I haven't in such a long, long time. I associate everything with alcohol- every event,milestone, heck I was DRUNK every day, new beginnings. They're a little scary but exciting too.well done on your 33 days too... Let me know how you're going won't you? Xxx
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Hiya Nic --
One of the things my buddy Radar talks about sometimes with me is the process of making amends. When I asked him at first how I could ever go back and make amends for the wrongs I've done, he quickly corrected me.
Amends aren't about fixing the past -- that's beyond our power (remember your Serenity Prayer!) Making amends does include apologizing for your past misdeeds, but far more important is analyzing what you did and why so that you can fix that part of you and avoid doing the same hurtful things again. Forgiveness will come from those you've hurt when they see you taking action to become a better person.
I don't know how closely your children are involved in your recovery plan, but if they're not perhaps you should consider it. They're obviously concerned, and perhaps mature enough to give you one more source of support?
Oh, and thanks for the friend request, sweetie.
One of the things my buddy Radar talks about sometimes with me is the process of making amends. When I asked him at first how I could ever go back and make amends for the wrongs I've done, he quickly corrected me.
Amends aren't about fixing the past -- that's beyond our power (remember your Serenity Prayer!) Making amends does include apologizing for your past misdeeds, but far more important is analyzing what you did and why so that you can fix that part of you and avoid doing the same hurtful things again. Forgiveness will come from those you've hurt when they see you taking action to become a better person.
I don't know how closely your children are involved in your recovery plan, but if they're not perhaps you should consider it. They're obviously concerned, and perhaps mature enough to give you one more source of support?
Oh, and thanks for the friend request, sweetie.
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I'm not a parent but these posts are very moving...
When the children are old enough to understand, like in their teens, is there a hidden blessing in all this? I know many parents struggle to impress on their children the dangers of alcohol. I wonder if your children are less at risk because they know firsthand what alcohol can do to a person. And they are also witnessing firsthand that recovery is possible. I have to think they will have tremendous respect for your character and strength of will.
I have faith that you will write a good ending to this story.
When the children are old enough to understand, like in their teens, is there a hidden blessing in all this? I know many parents struggle to impress on their children the dangers of alcohol. I wonder if your children are less at risk because they know firsthand what alcohol can do to a person. And they are also witnessing firsthand that recovery is possible. I have to think they will have tremendous respect for your character and strength of will.
I have faith that you will write a good ending to this story.
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