Rage and physical pain
 

Hi everyone,

I have been sober with just a few hiccups since the first week of September, 2015 after drinking regularly for 27 years (I am now 39). I detoxed and went through a 30 day rehab program and was introduced to AA during that time. I currently have a great sponsor who I speak to most days, am working the steps, reading a lot of literature on recovery and spirituality, am praying which is not something I ever did before (although I am really having difficulty ascertaining what my HP might be which is incredibly frustrating) going to meetings and I've started taking inventories.

Bottom line is that I am on an emotional rollercoaster, namely full of rage most of the time. I feel so mad most days before something even occurs that would have the potential to set me off; typically I wake up angry and that emotion continues on and off every hour of every day.

The irony is that I do not even miss drinking (which would have been my obvious go-to previously) and have no desire to go back to that way of dealing with my life. I feel utterly full of despair some days and it feels like a tornado ripping through my spirit. There is no telling what might spark the feeling and as I mentioned sometimes it is nothing at all. I am not sure what more I can possibly do in my recovery, I am not currently working so recovering and focusing on getting better is now my full time job but I am exhausted by it to be quite honest.

In addition, I am in physical pain constantly. My joints ache, my back, neck and shoulders are in excruciating pain, especially when I wake in the morning and get out of bed. I have been to my physician and have had blood tests run to no positive inflammatory result, I am eating a very good and well balanced diet (with the exception of dessert for dinner as I often now crave sweets, which I never did while I was drinking), taking vitamins, sleeping 8-9 hours each night, etc.

I have asked advice from many people, have read and read and read, researched this and I can not seem to find a solution for either of these issues. All I know is that I feel like I am going out of my mind with anger and both physical and mental pain and I am desperate to make it stop. Thank you in advance for your time,

Mel B.

I experienced a lot of anger and rage during the first year. I had tons of it. It was nearly overwhelming. It was from years of drinking away my natural emotional reactions, I'm sure. I didn't give myself a chance to deal with the things people did that angered and hurt me. They just kind of piled up. And I of course discovered that much of the frustration and part of the anger was turned inward on myself, for seemingly not being able to handle "life.' It was the drinking that had crippled me, of course.

I am sorry you are going through this right now. But it has to come out somehow and at some point in time. It's better you deal with it now, in your first year.

Some things that I did to deal with being sober: IOP, individual counseling, a few meetings, books, exercise, meditation, journaling, dogs, and SR.

Eventually, I cried and yelled it all out. I grieved and I cried, and raged a bit (at home in the privacy of my home, without being destructive). The tears finally quit flowing. I healed. It's been nearly three years. All I can say is it was worth the work! That cliche -- the only way out is through -- is spot on.

I had the help of a wonderful addiction counselor my first few years of recovery. She helped me a lot, in all areas of my life.

Is counseling an option for you? :hug:

Look into Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction by Jon Kabat-Zin. I just started an 8 week course and I think it would really help you. The course is offered in most major metropolitan areas. The book Full Catastrophe Living is the bases for the course. You could start there.

i was full of rage a walking abomb. wondered the house with clenched fist and gritted teeth. it eased up but it took time. I'm not sure if a book on mindfulness would have helped me at that time. But I gain a lot now out of various buddahism type stuff and it helps keep me in check.

good news is given your sober time i'd imagine it should start to ease up some for you.

If you want some good reads you could check out awareness by anthony de mello or power of now by eckhart tolle for starters anyhow.

if anything try to find some way to calm yourself go for a walk or enjoy a room lighted by candle light with some easy music to listen too try and calm your nerves sip some tea and enjoy the quiet time etc..

Have you done your 4th step?

The alcohol is no longer masking your feelings.:

Welcome Mel B

Hi
 

Soberwolf did they check your Uric Acid levels?

Hi and welcome meuba13 :)

I think rage is a pretty common emotion to all of us sobering up - mostly rage at ourselves, but sometimes at others and the world too.

For some of us, it's kinda the go to emotion for frustration and fear, I think.

In my case it kinda dissipated when I realised what a great second chance getting sober was - but it took a couple of months.

Like others have suggested if it's not getting better for you, maybe some counselling might help?

D

"FFS" in full and loud is my most used expression at the moment. Every last little thing irritates me for no obvious reason. I think that it's because my blood is now flowing cleanly through my body rather than being dulled by the alcohol and as others have said, it seems pretty common.

You could ask your GP to check your blood pressure which may be contributing. Other than that maybe you need to find an outlet... Obvious choices being gym/swimming/boxing/yoga etc but everyone's different. And if necessary just come to SR and vent... It can be very cathartic!

Best of luck.

im experiencing the same thing,I will feel calm and relaxed one minute and just jump to rage my son took all his toys out of his toy box and I screamed at him to put it back in the box,I felt so bad for screaming at him like that over toys,im having mood swings I never had before after relapsing and anger is one,I was never the type to get this upset over small things,I hope I can just skip.this emotion,im glad I know im not the only one

stepfanie!!!

Unfortunately as emotions come back l online , it's usually depression, fear and anger first , then it gradually moves up to content and beyond....Trust me, I know..I had a major meltdown 2 months ago in the front yard speaking to a rather intellectually challenged nurse on the phone...Neighbors were like "You seem a bit stressed lately".. Hmmm , ya think??

Welcome to the Forum Mel B!! :wave: