KM0816

Preface: I am 7 days sober from alcohol (my only drug of choice). A former best friend (since we were in elementary) of mine is a long-time addict. Her drug of choice was anything, but once she found heroin a few years ago, she has been stuck on it, overdosed several times, been in and out of rehab, etc - you know the drill.
Anyway, I have kept my distance from her this year, as I saw her addiction as a big problem that wasn't getting better, and to add to it, she had a child and afterward picked heroin back up again, and has been in and out of the hospital.
I realized a couple months back that also part of the reason I kept my distance is that I felt she was triggering me - well, I KNEW she was a trigger. For years, every time we would talk, and something bad would happen to her (i.e. she goes to jail for possession, overdoses), I'd go get drunk to numb the pain of this best friend ruining her life, and me feeling powerless to do anything about it.

Well, now the irony is not lost on me. Through this process of learning about addiction and my own pitfalls, I have realized I am not much different than her - only difference is her drug is heroin, and mine is alcohol. Alcohol may kill you slower, but it will still kill you.

Well, this friend and I just talked earlier today. She is a couple weeks into a sober patient program, and sounds really positive. I told her I am doing the sober thing too. She asked me questions, and was actually happy to say "Yep, you're one of us!" That made me feel really weird. I don't WANT to be one of them, the addicts, but I know that is true - I'm just not THERE yet. Especially after all these years I have looked at her one way, almost like I'm better than her.

Question is, do I let her back into my life? Or, is it too soon? I am always afraid I will open up to her again, and then she will start using again and either disappear, or try to get me to accept her as she is - which I cannot do.

Just need to know the best direction. On one hand, it's good to have another friend who knows what it is like to go through this hard process. But, I still don't trust her. I've been burned by her many, MANY times.

Ruby2

Just my two cents but it is too early for either of you to be hanging out together.

I'm also an alcoholic. So's my husband. Twice now I've watched him start hanging out with old friends who were newly sober themselves. With disastrous results.

Take care if yourself first.

doggonecarl

You are a week sober, she's a couple weeks clean.

Reunite in a year if you've both stayed clean and sober. Until then she's probably a threat to your recovery.

Anna

Yes, take some time to gain confidence in yourself.

And, remember that the label alcoholic or addict doesn't determine who you are. It's part of who we are, but we are so much more.

least

Give her a chance to clean up her life while you clean up yours. You can get together in a year if all is going well.

BadSneakers

You seem aware she is a trigger for you. Guard your sobriety. You may well be a trigger for her, as well. It would probably be best for both of you if you kept your distance for some time.

teatreeoil007

I've had friendships like that before.

It's like you are DRAWN to one another...get close...feel good about it...then something happens to trigger negative stuff...so you pull apart...till you are over it and then open yourself up again for the friendship to take whatever direction it will take.

If you feel overall you are a better person because of this friend and you grew as a result of the friendship, it might be worth picking back up again at some point in time. But, right now you are BOTH newly clean and sober...it sounds like you are once again wanting to communicate...now...It's possible you can actually be a support to one another to recovery if you don't feel overly emotional and can be somewhat objective.

It's good you have recognized you aren't better than her. If you had previously felt that you were a better person because your addiction wasn't as 'bad' as hers, she probably picked up that and may have felt you were looking at her unfairly. People can be addicted to anything. For some it's shopaholics who spend so much money it ruins them financially. For some it's materialism and huge debt that traps in a hamster's cage. For some it's serial sexual relationships from person to the next. It's a game of people desperately trying to feel better about themselves. Some are addicted to plastic surgery and will under the knife repeatedly. Some are addicted to tanning; some to overeating.. None of these types of addictions are healthy, but for some reason those addicted to opiates are put in put in a lower 'class'.

I myself have been working on several issues for the past few years, including how not to communicate with others in negative ways and how not to DUMP on others my own emotional junk. I realized I needed a counselor and I had been using some of my friends as a dumping ground and using alcohol to manage my negative feelings. And if you are already feeling negative and add alcohol on top of that it's starts a downward spiral. f

Anyways, I'm starting to ramble...thx for reading!!