To drink or to cry
 

That was the question and I don't even know whether I am posting in the right place. Today was harrowing and I have to write else I crack up. There is schizophrenia on both sides of my family, with both my daughter and my brother suffering From the mongrel. I just got stuck with alcoholism. My daughter has been in hospital for the past 8 weeks and my brother for about the last 3 months. My daughter has just been discharged and is doing really well but my brother is acutely ill and a tragedy to witness. There was a Tribunal hearing today within the hospital to determine Guardianship for my brother as he no longer has the capacity to make rational decisions about himself. The hearing was via video-link with doctors, other hospital staff, my siblings and my poor dear brother and the Guardianship Board all making decisions about Matthew. It was Kafkaesque in that all of his power was stripped away and when he went nuts about losing his autonomy it only made him look more nuts. Sorta like that existential novel The Trial. My brother looked broken and wounded, but there was no alternative than to have a Guardian appointed. It was awful beyond belief and at the end all I wanted to do was to have a drink. Then a thought cropped up in my head - will I drink or will I cry? I decided to cry and this had me know that I could no longer drink to dampen my feelings. So here I am. My head was spinning and all I could do was think about all of you around the world, all with same problem as me, alcoholism. All of your names were flashing through my head and it was like hands across the water and I felt so grateful to know you were out there egging me on to stay sober. My sister and I are now Guardian to my brother. I did not drink I cried and I thank you all because without you I know I would have wiped myself out. I am tired now so will close but for anyone out there believe me you will always be grateful for the fact that you faced life and did not try to find life in a bottle. No grammar check, too tired but I love you all. Thank you. You Rock. You are my rock at the moment SR. Your Aussie mate steely.

Hi Steely,

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and handled things very well. I hope you have some support to help with your brother and daughter. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing.:-)

That must have been a really rough experience for all involved, but you stayed sober through it and even let yourself feel what you were feeling. Nothing wrong at all with crying, and to me, it seemed like an appropriate response to what you went through.

Getting through tough times like this without drinking will make you stronger as well as better able to cope with life.

You did great and thank you for sharing this.
:scoregood

Don't know what else to say except internet hugs are coming your way. :grouphug: What an unbelievably tough thing to have to go through.

Hi steely, you done good. Not easy things to deal with, but much better to feel, cry, and grow, than drink. Good job!

Steely, well done you. I'm so sorry for the tragedy of your family. in dealing with pain rather than blotting it out with booze, you have prevented becoming a tragedy yourself.

When the options are drink or cry, cry should always win. We can get over cry.
My thoughts are with your family.

Steely :hug:
I am so sorry you are going through this. And I know how hard it is to watch someone you love hurt and be made powerless. It is so very hard, it can be worse than being hurt ourselves, I know this. You do seem to love your brother, and I am glad you can be Guardian. It is good to hear your daughter is stable.

I know sometimes it seems unbelievable what life can hand us. I am so happy for you that you remain sober. This means a lot to me to see another member here staying strong despite hardships or heartbreak. In doing so, you are our Rock as well.

We are with you :hug:

Hang in there, Steely!:grouphug:

I'm really sorry Steely, but I'm glad Matthew has you and your daughter in his corner.

definitely lean on us if you need it :hug:

D

Lean on us & know were always here

I thank you all so much my friends it was traumatic for everyone but I didn't drink and I've only got you to thank. Feeling better now that I am home and better still I haven't got a 6 pack or a bottle of Vodka in front of me. It was close. And the cat has been fed. She's 22 years old and I have been looking after her while my daughter has been in hospital. Enough from me I'm raving. This is how good I feel about about not picking up :cheer

Good for you for staying sober throughout a difficult time. :hug:

Thankyou for sharing that with us. Your courage inspires me. and you described how the support of this website feels beautifully.

mental illness is unbearable to watch in your loved ones, schizophrenia especially.

my father was bi-polar and my cousins and aunt are schizophrenic, and I feel your pain.

When I was in college I had to institutionalise my father cause his wife could not bring herself to do it. I am so happy for you that you found the courage to go through this without a drink.

I don't know if you have read MIRRecovery's posts about dealing with his daughter's death sober, but that are amazing and have given me strength to know that anything is possible.

Dee might know the link and they are definitely worth reading.

Hang in there, you are doing amazing.

Thank you Dropsie. It has been like watching my beautiful little brother die before my very eyes. He was bright and talented before he became unwell and now completely fragmented. It has been a slow and painful deterioration. He has nothing. Thank you all. :grouphug:

Thinking of you Steely, you sound like a lovely person, I'm happy that you decided against drinking. Sometimes it's good to have a big cry and let it all out. We're all here for you any time you need to talk. X

Hugs to you Steely. I don't even like to look down the road you are walking. I am glad you found strength in us and stayed sober. You inspire.

:grouphug:

Good decision - taking the right action sometimes entails simply not doing the wrong thing!

Steely, hugs to you. I'm glad you cried instead of drank. It's so hard sometimes and your post almost had me crying too. But drinking never makes a bad situation better. Thanks for sharing that.