Checking in
 

Hello all. Well I'm still here. Still kicking and still working my plan. It's been up and down considering everything I have in my life. I kept at it through AA and always felt like I was dozing off inside and not getting all that they were trying to offer. I recently started applying the techniques of AVRT and so far so good. I guess in my older years I became more of an analytical individual versus a spiritual one. Though I tried and tried to really grasp the concept. I still have to go to AA meetings (3 week) per my treatment. I'm fine with that. I've met some awesome people and hell if you have 30 years sober and you attribute it to AA...then who the hell am I to try to compare myself.

So yesterday I was watching tv and this show had a bunch of young people in Hawaii drinking and having a great time. My AV kicked in and started to hit me up ...."hey man you can do that....you can party don't that look fun"? Great thing about this approach for me is I can meet those thoughts head on....and even allow my AV/Beast to finish.

Anyways I'm thinking about journaling/blogging. Besides my battle with alcohol...I have so many other life altering issues/changes that are about to happen. I feel the more I speak on them the more support I'll have.

Awesome! Thanks for writing. Keep connected. And as far as those aa meetings go, ya never know where your help is going to come from😀

Great for you. You know I think writing and blogging can be a great way of expressing and getting your head straight instead of being inside your own noggin all the time. I have those same battles with my AV, seeing drinking everywhere in my culture, I constantly have to be on guard for that thinking that I can do that despite knowing I cant. I think its the insanity of my disease. I wish you the best and keep at it. John

I'm a firm believer in doing as many positive things as you think will help DB :c014:

D

AVRT has me taking my biggest steps yet.

Re the Hawaii video I do the same thing but now I analyze what part of that I really can no longer do? Can I lay on a beach, yeah! Can I relax and have a good time? Yes, maybe it's a bit different but its doable. A month ago I found myself worrying about a ski weekend since I enjoyed the apres ski as much as the ski and I always ended the days with a few beers at the lodge. Now I enjoy the skiing more and make "first chair" instead of grumbling when my kids have been ready and dressed to go for two hours. I can still go to sporting events, watch a game or movie, go out with friends - except now I wake up healthy and with that clear conscience I crave EVEN MORE than a drink.

Glad you are here & posting DB!

I think it does help to talk about our fears on here - where we all understand. I'm glad the meetings are helping, DB.

Craving normal life more than the drink is a great gift. I've gotten there as well and am struck daily by how little I had to give up to gain so much.
Took a while though....slow learner.
Thanks for the great post and reminder.
Jonathan

True. I never pass on any help or do be able to help someone. Comes in all shapes and sizes!

You really don't have to give that much up. My biggest thing is telling my AV (for lack of better words) to calm down...haha.

Waking up healthy and with a clear conscience is one of my everyday goals now.

Man what a morning. Woke up around 4am with this bitterness and anxiety I can't explain. Well I can but just don't have the time. I got up and started reflecting on everything in this poisonous hindsight that drove me to so much rage and shame that I just curled up in a ball. Eventually I got up and started to get ready for work. On the way in I just started talking to myself....sorta in a monologue way pretending someone was next to me listening. No AV or cravings.....at the moment. However knowing my track record it's around the corner. Anyways just checking in. Hope all are doing well.

I have had that kind of week.

I know I can't drink but what can I do???

Hang in there, as will I.

Bit tricky in the winter I know but exercise worked for me :)

D