vendetta

I'm ashamed and frustrated to even write this. But I said I would post on here everyday so if that's one thing I can stick to then I will.

Also part of my plan was to take a minute or two to slow down after work before I pulled out of the parking lot to really think about why I can't ever buy alcohol again. Which I also did. But it was like all the reasons I had felt so strongly about before we're not as important. I sat in the parking lot. I knew if I drove away I would go straight for beer. Guess that's when the excuses started. I can't just sit in the parking lot all night. I can't go back inside. What would I tell people about why I was going back in. I prayed and a song came on my christian radio about how nothing can stop me from the road that I'm on this time. That did catch my attention for a minute. It hurt that the message was so obvious but wasn't enough to keep me on track.

What I didn't do.... I didn't stick to the plan and not go to my normal place. Maybe that would have changed the outcome. I didn't text my dear friend to hear words of encouragement. I didn't take the time to register my phone on this site and reach out before leaving the parking lot. (My tabs registered only right now). Maybe the combination would have produced a different outcome.

What I can do... go to bed early as I've got everything ready for my out of town business trip tomorrow. Reach out as honestly as I can to this forum and my dear friend. Maybe find a friend and coworker I trust to spend a few minutes talking to before I leave work. Cause I really think that moment is absolutely critical to recovery. But I'm also a little leary of putting that info so close to work. Don't give up. Keep fighting. Don't lose confidence. Live every moment with a goal of sobriety.

Anna

I'm sorry you're frustrated, but you can do this. Keep working on your plan so that you have everything lined up to get you home from work without a stop. Logging in here is always a good idea. In my opinion, you should be cautious about telling co-workers that you are an alcoholic. That can go terribly wrong.

ZeldaFan

Stay at it V! As Anna said, you just need to work out a solid plan that will get you home without making a bad decision. One of the last things I do everyday before I leave the office is get on SR and read. It helps solidify my decision to never drink again and it gets me home free of any mishaps.

SoberLife90

You can't change what you did today, but tomorrow you need to try something different. Pick up that phone and give those friends a call. Keep coming back to this site. Have you thought of AA meetings?

FormerWineGirl

Hi V, I am sorry you are frustrated. However, you can put the frustration you are feeling to good use by resolving to tweak your plan to avoid another similiar incident. You seem to care a great deal about your sobriety, and what you need to do to maintain it. We are here for you.

Upward2Enlightenment

I will tell you what I just wrote in another thread V.

It's important to have as many coping tools as possible at your disposal. One may work one time but not the next. If you try one and it's not working, move on to another.

Good luck.

Delfin

I agree with everything Anna said. Make an airtight plan that takes into account every possibility of drinking. Drive home a different route. Read SR for 10 minutes before going anywhere. Get a snack to stave off cravings. Do whatever it takes to not take that first drink.

Delfin

Delilah1

Hi Vendetta,

Tomorrow sounds like a good time to start over. Do you have a plan in place to support you while you are out of town?

I have been working on sobriety for the past few years, and have had stretches of sobriety, followed by stretches of drinking. I committed to making 2016 my first of many years sober. I am checking in here daily, and have a few other things in place.

Keep checking in here, you can do this!

JohnQPublic

Hey V, your brave for sharing and trying so hard. We all know the pain and struggle but everyone is here for you, pulling for you. Use your plan, contact anybody you can, post whenever you can. It will get better and no matter what happens, don't give up. We dig ourselves into a pretty deep hole and sometimes its really hard to get out. I know it is for me. But no matter how many times I slip trying to get out I keep crawling toward freedom. Be blessed. John

Soberwolf

What is your plan consisting of my friend

Dee74

Hi Vendetta

I really hope you decide to make a concrete plan.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D