Originally Posted by JohnQPublic

Hey K, I have major trauma in my past too. I have PTSD, depression, and generalized anxiety from it. I was a social user (at least I think) before the trauma. After, I crawled inside a bottle even though I knew it was the wrong way to cope. I see a therapist too and reliving what happened to me....its unbearable sometimes. I have panic attacks, I don't think straight when I get in a fearful victim state of mind. I really feel your pain. The only thing I can say that even though I think I gave up at one point, I am not now. I am trying to live. Be the person I was and I think I can get there but I know it will take time. For me anyway. Scars fade but only in time. I think you are brave for sharing your abuse and trauma and I hope you don't ever give up either. Even though I am not perfect and my recovery is a struggle I would rather die than go back to the drunk that I was, cowering from my wounds. I wish you the best. I know it can be done, so why cant we, right? Be blessed. John

Originally Posted by KiKi0615

...

About 3 weeks into my sobriety I was strongly encouraged by my husband & AA sponsor to start intensive therapy with a highly trained psychologist (who I really like so far) to start unraveling & dealing with all my childhood trauma, a sexual assault as a teenager and severe abuse by my mother as a child.

The therapy has been INTENSE & the trauma a HUGE reason I drank for many years. ..

Anyway, my therapist & I have been working through some really hard stuff that has forced me to "re-live" that trauma. I just couldn't handle it anymore (re-living the trauma) & reached for the one thing I knew would give me "temporary relief" this past Saturday. It was just too much too fast & I didn't realize it until it was too late!

Saturday I had what my therapist calls "emotional flooding" and caved. ..
Anyway...I'm wondering if I started therapy too soon? Or maybe therapy is good (but just not dealing with the trauma yet would be better) until I have more sober time??? Early sobriety is hard enough without re-living a rape & severe child abuse.

Have any of you experienced this? Do you think it would be better for me to get a solid foundation (6 mo-1 year) in my sobriety before dealing with my trauma? ..

Originally Posted by soberwolf

Hi KiKi, first off I think your a very nice kind person my gut instinct tells me that seeing you helping ppl on SR from the get go made me think of you as pure awesomeness

Reinforce your sober plan & never give up

Can't wait to see more posts from you

Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse

Hi, Kiki. I'm also a survivor of childhood trauma. I'm speaking only from my own experience here with the type of therapy you're describing. It was HORRIBLE for me, the WORST thing for my wellbeing. It placed me into a deep depression for years which only improved once I discontinued therapy. It made me so depressed I couldn't hold a job or even hardly leave the house. The flashbacks were overwhelming. The reliving and flooding were 100% toxic for me. If they help someone else, great, but for me, it was harmful and it was irresponsible of my therapist to not recognize that. What worked better for me with dealing with my trauma was to work to just let it go. S**t happened. My mother actually did those things but you know what? She's dead now and resides in whatever place God has deemed appropriate for her. I embrace that what she did was about her and not me, and she cannot hurt me anymore, and nobody else can do that to me either. When a memory of it intrudes, I dismiss it just like I would dismiss a thought about drinking. Over the years, the more I've dismissed the memories, the less often they pop up. Nowadays, I rarely if ever have a flashback. This is what worked for me.

Originally Posted by Croissant

Hi Kiki....firstly, I'm sorry for what happened to you and the abuse you were subjected to. No one deserves that. I can only share what I've noticed in my own journey is that I had to look further than the drink in front of me, and see that I was perpetuating abuse against myself by staying locked in addictive behaviours. And that is the saddest thing. We start drinking for one reason and end up damaging ourselves and our whole life far worse than we ever deserve....and we become the perpetrator of the continuation of abuse. Getting sober, I had to learn that I had to step up and protect myself from myself and my addiction. There was a stronger side to me, and I had to listen to her and let her love me, protect me and I deserved better than to be picking up a drink and poisoning myself and suffocating my life and feelings.

Originally Posted by Mish

I second the motion. KiKi you are pure awesomness. Don't let this setback take away from the outstanding sobriety you have achieved leading up to the slip. Luv u xxx

Originally Posted by Dee74

How are you today Kiki? D

Originally Posted by KiKi0615

Sometimes I wonder what the point of reliving the trauma with a therapist even is? What is the prize at the end?

It's not like it's gonna make it go away, right?

Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse

Reliving is a common therapeutic approach, so obviously a lot of people must think it helps. I've heard some patients say they were helped by it. But it definitely wasn't for me! Part of how I face hard times is by saying "This too shall pass." And then later saying "It came to pass, but it didn't come to stay." Or "That was then and this is now." It's a huge relief when bad times end and they're behind me instead of upon me. So for me, reliving past trauma is not a good approach.