BonScottish

For the longest time I've battled with the concept of drinking being a disease/disorder. I just chalked up to a simple battle of will. Some people have a stronger will than others. I have used this concept to allow me to drink. Every time I've fallen off the wagon the thought "I can be a responsible drinker" isn't too far away. Here I am on a Monday picking up the pieces of a insane Saturday night. I was assaulted (hit in the head with a broom stick) from a dear friend. I was sitting on the couch, coming down from a buzz. I left a mess in the house, and this individual came home and was pissed. Kept picking and picking...till finally POW! I was struck in the side of the neck. I didn't know what to do....it freaked me out so I called the police. Now I have to deal with this situation and this person who I care for dearly...may be in trouble. I keep letting the thought swim in my head...."if I wasn't drinking this would not have happened". I'm trying to look on the bright side. I do not want to go back to drinking or even thinking I can be a responsible drinker. I actually thought there was nothing wrong with drinking a pint of vodka in one night...as long as I made my errands the next day or showed up to work....I had a distorted view on what was really responsible. So now I'm feeling guilty for my own assault. I'm truly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am scared because I've had this dark passenger (Dexter plug...lol) for such a long time and I'm nervous to be without it. I'm scared of being alone and worried will I succumb to the desire of drinking. I'm scared that I some how lack the character to simply say no to drinking cause I like it so much. Needless to say I've been pondering on all of these things for the past 24 hours with no real feeling of contentment.

Thanks you.

doggonecarl

You been clinging to whatever concept lets you keep drinking. Time to accept the other one...even if you don't agree. Time to accept you can't drink. Ever. Simple concept, difficult to execute.

BonScottish

yea it's killing me slowly. my judgment calls over the last 6 months have been nothing short of extreme risk. I need to find some sort of support network. It's not the company I keep. I drink alone. I need to do so much I feel overwhelmed.

Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome. I completely understand the feeling of being overwhelmed at the task of quitting drinking. Someone else here once said: "quitting drinking is like running a marathon- it's simple, you just run, (or in this case don't drink) but it certainly isn't easy. However it really is possible, read around here for hundreds and thousands of examples. Some of the people on here who are so strong in their sobriety now have some horror stories from the past, yet they made it through. You, and I, can too.

LiveInPeace

The founder of my home group says "alcoholism is the only disease that wants you to think you don't have a disease."

Yup.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.

Ariesagain

Just my opinion, but I don't really think it's a disease...I think alcohol is a very addictive drug that is sold legally and marketed relentlessly and some people get addicted more quickly or thoroughly than others.

The analogy I use is that it's just the way nicotine was marketed in the mid-20th century. Cigarettes were everywhere and were actually touted as being good for you. Yikes.

Soberwolf

Welcome BonScottish

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum BonScottish!!

JohnQPublic

Dear Bon. I am really hopeful for you but I understand that your in a hard scary situation. I, like you, tried again and again to go back to "normal using" after I crossed the line but clearly never could. I know lots of people get hung up on the disease argument, I believe it is, but its not really important in the end. Quitting drinking and using will give you a better life. Focus on that instead of trying to define yourself. People with all different thoughts on the matter and using different programs or methods have all managed to cope with life sober. So can you. I wish you the best. John

freshstart57

Welcome, BonScottish. Disease? Disorder? I say phooey. Call it an addiction and get on with what needs to happen.

There was a post a little while ago from someone who was in the same situation, and a question was posed: If that is the way you feel, why don't you just quit?

I started to parse the question, and rephrased it. If that's the way you feel, why don't you quit? Removing that word 'just' seems to change the question a little, removing some of the emotional baggage that comes along for the ride.

What about this variant: If that's the way you feel, why don't you quit, no matter how hard it might be? I feel that this is closer to reality, and shows what needs to happen to succeed.

I believe you will find your way forward when you arrive at an answer to this last question. I will offer this to you, BonScottish. When you quit, and you will quit, you will look back and wonder why you waited this long. All this pain, misery, guilt, none of this is necessary. You can quit. YOU.

Please keep posting, OK? Lots of support here for you.