Notices

Burning question - what are your thoughts?

Old 01-25-2016, 07:07 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
Burning question - what are your thoughts?

Hey all,

I would really appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. SR has been a great place of support for me and I'm hoping this will contribute to the discussion.

Without boring you with the ugly details - let's just say that I was a terribly heavy and chronic drinker for 10+ years. That I had tried everything under the sun to quit - and nothing worked.

Then, purely by accident, I discovered something about myself - I quit - and I have never looked back. Something simply clicked in my brain and that's it.

Here's what happened....

Over the past 10 years, my job regularly took me away to remote job sites that are drug and alcohol free. These trips are typically 1-2 weeks long and I would have to go "dry" on these trips. It got to the point that I was somewhat relying on these jobs to detox and heal up a bit.

The funny thing was - I would be JUST FINE on these trips - no urges, no anxiety, no trauma. (That is, of course, after the first day's hangover, as I would be drinking heavily on the evening before the trip!)

As soon as I would arrive at the site and get settled in - it's as if my drinking problem disappeared! I was normal.

But as soon as I got back to civilization though - I'd be right back into the bottle. I would be on the charter flight home just itching to get my first drink - and then of course many more...

This pattern repeated itself hundreds of times over the last 10 years. It got to the point that I even contemplated taking a permanent job on one of these sites. I figured that at least I would have half a year not poisoning myself to death!

So, what did this all mean? What was the difference? It would be easy to say that I was simply on a site where there was no booze - so I couldn't drink. But I had been in dozens of places (concerts, parks, school functions, etc.) where I couldn't drink - and I was a lunatic!

The difference was that I had NO EXPECTATION to drink. My conscious mind told my subconscious mind to forget about it - and I was just fine. These trips had forced me to peel away the layers of the onion - I wasn't chemically addicted - I was psychologically attached to my expectation of a drink. As soon as that expectation was gone - I could stop drinking.

So, I turned the tables on myself, I eliminated the expectation in my mind that I would have a drink - regardless of where I was. And, as any problem drinker will know, if you don't have drink #1 - you won't have drink #10. I simply live my days now with no expectation of drinking. I'm not denying myself anything. I'm not being cheated. I'm not relying on willpower to tame my subconscious urges. I don't expect it - I don't drink anymore.

I know that this will sound over simplified - but it has not been. Granted, I've had to deal with some of the health issues arising from my chronic alcohol abuse and the PAW symptoms have been rough. I have been quit drinking now more than 2 months and I can count up my serious urges on one hand.

Please let me know what you all think about this. Maybe someone else will have a similar experience. Maybe this will help someone else. If you have any questions, let me know.

Thanks!
Dad23 is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:14 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
I'm glad you found a way to stay sober.
least is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:17 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
I decided that drinking was no longer an option, ever, and then my mind worked to find healthy ways to deal with life.
Anna is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:29 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 113
I'm the same way, Dad23, cravings are non-existent or fleeting and I feel fine when the possibility/norm of drinking (or smoking, for that matter) is generally off the table.
RallyAly is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:43 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
ZeldaFan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
This time around staying sober for me I did a similar mindset change. I just took alcohol off the table completely. I have to for work or I will lose my job and I have to for my health of my liver is going to sustain permanent damage. Once you decide that it's simply not an option anymore it really does help.
ZeldaFan is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:47 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
Congrats on 2 months!!
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:53 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
For me, when I'm away from home and my usual schedule, most of the external triggers are gone and because I'm distracted by new people and surroundings, I have fewer internal triggers as well. But the second I'm back home...

Congratulations on your progress!
Ariesagain is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 07:57 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Trudgin
 
Fly N Buy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Well done on 2 months!
Fly N Buy is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:08 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Sounds similar to the "Big Plan" of rational recovery. You're never going to drink and you're never going to change your mind.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:12 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
Thanks everyone! I truly appreciate your kind words and thoughts.

As I have read through your responses (and re-reading my own post) I think i can better state my own theory....

As long as I was denying myself a drink - I was a mess! I was at war with my own subconscious monster that was screaming for a drink.

Once I was able to convince that monster TO NOT EXPECT a drink - I was fine. I was no longer denying my subconscious of anything. Thus - I experienced no conflict.

Again, all perspectives are greatly appreciated! Thanks again!
Dad23 is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:19 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Well I am very happy for you. I don't think that anyone could make a detailed diagnosis for why its working for you just by your post but the most important thing is it does. We are all different and I know that for me, willpower and deal making, did not work. I am not a personal fan of Rational Recovery but if it works for some then I am happy for them. Its great you could turn your mind around to a non drinking setting. I hope everything continues to be positive for you. Sincerely, John
JohnQPublic is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:31 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Andante's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Seems like some people are better at overcoming the "mental obsession" part of the deal than others, or perhaps they're more resistant to developing it in the first place.

I wouldn't worry about it in any case. Somewhere along the line, you may have a moment in which having just one drink seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Just remember that you don't drink anymore, don't take that first drink, and you should be fine.
Andante is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:43 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
LBrain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
well done on 2 months Dad23
congratulations on giving up drinking.

The OP did NOT mention rational recovery. JFC!

I myself made that same decision. Although it took a drastic life changing event for me to do it. I said that very day that I was never going to allow alcohol to affect my life ever again. The only way to ensure that was to never drink again.

It wasn't until 3 months after I made that decision that I even heard about rational recovery. And it is by far the most logical approach to stopping drinking. To be sure, I didn't research ALL the potential approaches, but most of them.

Someone accused me of promoting rational recovery in a thread because of my "signature line". Give me a break. It is just a statement of fact.

Some people in certain "programs" cannot just let it go. All this gentleman said was that he gave up drinking and shared his logic. He was not promoting anything as far as I can tell other than that yes, one can make the decision to quit drinking. I did it too.

He should be applauded, not questioned.
LBrain is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 08:50 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
The funny thing is that everyone agrees its a click, the only debate is over how best to get there.

But for those that have, however, it is a wonderful thing.

I would only reiterate one thing that no matter how you got there -- abstinence is not control, so no matter how the click came, one sip and you will be undone.

trust me on that one.

I am so happy for you.
Dropsie is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 09:02 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
jaynie04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Dad and welcome. In a similar manner to LBrain I came to the conclusion over 2 and 1/2 years ago that drinking was no longer going to be part of my life.

I realized I could have have the life I wanted OR I could drink, for me they are mutually exclusive. I continue to operate under the assumption that I "don't" drink (and never will) instead of I "can't" drink.

It was like starting my life over again at 48 because my life had gradually accommodated my drinking before all else. When I removed it there was a big hole but I have taken my time rebuilding my life. I was protective of myself the first year, only accepting invitations that I felt were in harmony with my sobriety.

Now, my social life is as active as it has ever been. In fact it is more active than when I was drinking because I can go out and not lay in bed the next day.

I have found that a simple "I quit drinking" sounds decisive and empowered when I am around alcohol. In today's fitness mad world I have found only admiration for that choice. My identity as a nondrinker feels solid, I don't take it for granted, however, I am cognizant daily that it was the best decision of my life.
jaynie04 is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 09:05 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
Yes, for the record. I'm not a subscriber to any group or recovery model (other than SR of course!) so I don't have any affiliations with AA or RR or anyone else. I don't have any of those politics - and never will.

It was just an honest question for the group's thoughts.
Dad23 is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 09:09 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Exactly what Anna said
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 09:11 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by Dad23 View Post
Yes, for the record. I'm not a subscriber to any group or recovery model (other than SR of course!) so I don't have any affiliations with AA or RR or anyone else. I don't have any of those politics - and never will.

It was just an honest question for the group's thoughts.
I don't think anyone is proposing a recovery method. What works for you is what's most important. People relate and react to different programs in different ways but no one way is key. Almost all the long term people I have encountered have an eclectic approach where they take things from multiple sources that works for them. For some its RR, AA, religion, or a combination. I am happy that what you are doing is working for you and hopefully we can all learn from each others struggles and what you have to share. Be blessed my friend, John
JohnQPublic is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 10:38 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I too made the decision that I could no longer continue to drink. Period. The end, I'm done-stick-a-fork-in-me kind of thing. It was hard. Something I learned those first few months was to change my HABITS. I had my comfortable, familiar routine which centered around alcohol. Although it doesn't have anything to do withdrawal, cravings, PAWS, etc., I do believe that changing our habits is one of the most crucial - and most difficult aspects of learning to live sober.
FormerWineGirl is offline  
Old 01-25-2016, 12:02 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
congrats on your decision and the first two of many many months
I'm sure you are being honest in stating that you are not 'pushing' any method and simply stated what worked for you , how you reached a decision about about quitting drinking , full stop.
The thing is , all 'politics' aside, that is what RR is all about. Through introspection and recognizing the power of your subconscious you were able to cut its urges for alcohol off at the knees by being fully conscious of your decision to never drink again, it isn't a matter of debating internally , just a clear concise statement , a recognition of the fact of your decision.
You're a bad@ss Beast slayer and didn't even know it
dwtbd is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:58 AM.