Supertired

Hey bim, you are right, that the circumstances around me shouldn't have that power, or rather, they don't have that power in and of themselves. I LET those thoughts creep in. And I LET myself be taken by them. If nothing else, this is more unequivocal reason that I will never have a different relationship with alcohol

Supertired

The only relationship I want with alcohol is one of indifference. I hope with time I will eventually get to the point of being unmoved by the idea of it. Right now I utterly hate the stuff

biminiblue

I think many people want to be done with alcohol. They quit drinking it for X number of days and then get discouraged because they still want to drink or have some good memories left, or some that resurface.

I know I drank for everything. Happy, drink! Sad, lonely? drink. Monday? drink. Hangover is gone? Definitely drink. 3:00? Drink time.

Every event was entwined with drinking, so every event reminded me to drink. It is a habitual thought that I had to challenge every single time. In the first few months, it was eleventy times a day. Then it was a couple times a day. Then it was one time a day, then days would go by without thinking I wanted a drink. I liked drinking...then it turned on me. I have to remember the whole experience, not just that hour of chemically-induced happiness.

The thoughts do diminish greatly. I previously was sober for many years though, and on occasion I still had a thought that a drink would be good. It is the price I pay for having allowed it to become so important and for getting attached to that euphoria so deeply. If the thought never goes away, it never goes away. If I had never had a drink, I wouldn't have this issue. I did and I do and I don't drink - anyway.

Supertired

after 2 months i was feeling unbelievably good. can't go through this again.. this time has to be for real, and for good. i never want to forget how bad this feels, and never forget how important it is that i never touch the stuff again