TorchedGrave

Hello,

Here's a little background about myself: I am currently 22 years old, and I've been drinking for a few years now. When I first started to suspect that I had a drinking problem (roughly 1-2 years ago), my average weekly consumption was 1.5L of hard liquor. (My drink of choice was/is vodka.) Since then, however, my consumption has skyrocketed to somewhere around 3-3.5L per week. I have never in my life gone more than 69 days sober. Other than that, I'm barely sober for more than 2-3 days consecutively. Once I start drinking, I don't stop. I rarely consume less than 12 drinks per day. Some days it's 15; other days it's 20. On average, I consume between 500-750ml (of hard liquor) per day.

Thankfully, I've never been in denial. I've known for a very long time that I have a drinking problem, and I've been trying to quit for what seems like an eternity. I've been through two moderate experiences of withdrawal, and it was arguably the scariest experience of my life. I really want to quit, and I believe I will next week. I'll be returning home.

That's a little bit about me, but for those who'd like more info/background, feel free to ask.

My official quit date = 1/30/15 (but perhaps sooner).

P.S. -- I'm primarily on this site for accountability.

Blacky

Welcome to SR

Do you have a plan to address the withdrawal in a safe way?

Dee74

Hi and welcome TorchedGrave
I hope you decide to make it sooner...why wait to get back the life you want?

D

DG0409

Welcome. Lots of support and accountability here.

Getting sober has it's challenging times but it is so worth it.

TorchedGrave

Hi Blacky.

Fortunately, I haven't even had a minor withdrawal in several months. Granted, I haven't been sober for very long, but back when I did have those previous withdrawal experiences, I was consuming way more than I am now, ~1L per day. So I've come to the realization that, for me at least, the problem was how heavily I was drinking in how much time. Now, I'm less worried about withdrawal. Worse comes to worst, I can just taper.

TorchedGrave

When you put it that way, you're definitely right in asking why wait. But trust me I've asked myself this question before several times. And the reason is this: the place I am currently staying (vacation) has virtually unlimited liquor, whereas when I go back home, there will be virtually no liquor. Hence, the temptation here is much stronger. Now one could argue that I'm just rationalizing my behavior, and maybe I am. But I see it this way, in the scheme of things, 4-5 days of drinking don't matter much to a person who's truly determined to quit.

You're definitely right though -- I see how that comes off as rationalizing behavior.

Soberwolf

Welcome TG

Nic233

Welcome to SR.. some great advice there X

LBrain

good morning
I'm surprised no-one has mentioned seeing a medical professional - doctor. You had withdrawal symptoms in the past, a couple times.
From what I understand, they get worse. And from the amount you consume you could be putting yourself in danger by an abrupt change in your body chemistry.

TorchedGrave

Hi LBrain,

Perhaps I should've been more clear about my prior experiences with withdrawal. For starters, I've only ever experienced withdrawal twice in my life. But most importantly is that the severity of the withdrawal was moderate at worst, i.e., anxiety, tremors, night sweats, etc. The reason I say it was extremely frightening for me is because I had never (not really) gone through something like that.

Moreover, the reason I'm fairly certain that withdrawal of that magnitude will not happen this time around is because, (a) in my previous experiences I would always begin to feel the withdrawal during sleep, but now I sleep (relatively) fine; and (b) back then I was pretty much exclusively on an alcohol diet. I was getting roughly 90% of all calories from alcohol, whereas now my diet actually includes more wholesome foods. Lastly, and perhaps most significantly, back when I had those withdrawal experiences, they occurred relatively quickly after cessation of alcohol, as in 3-4 hours into sobriety, whereas I can now go 10-12 hours without experiencing much of any withdrawal (and it's usually overnight).

You do certainty raise a valid point that withdrawal can be a serious threat. But what I'm suggesting is that it's the severity of withdrawal that's the issue. Also, it might be possible that my tolerance has continued to rise since then. I don't know for sure whether that can affect the intensity of withdrawal, but it's a theory.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum TorchedGrave!!

SoberLife90

You remind me of myself. I am a young man who got sober when he was 23. I am 25 now. It's great that you are honest! That is a main ingredient in the sobriety cake. Have you considered going to meetings? I do AA and come here to SR. Gotta go. Ttyl.

Bird615

Welcome to SR, TorchedGrave!

There's lots of information and support for you here; you have a chance of good life ahead of you if you can stop now.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you find the support you need, both here and elsewhere, to get sober for good.

gettingsmarter

Hi TorchedGrave

Welcome

Mountainmanbob

That is some pretty heavy drinking for a young person.

I'm glad to see that you realize you have a problem.

Mountainman

TorchedGrave

Thanks all for the replies. It's truly appreciated.

I also want to explain to others (and clarify for myself) why I really want to get sober and leave alcohol behind for good. Sure there are the health reasons, which are obvious and experienced by everyone. But in my case in particular, a huge motivator for quitting -- even stronger than the fact that it harms my health -- is my experience with anhedonia. It's well known that abuse of drugs in general (i.e., anything that cranks up dopamine) in the long run, lead to a reduced ability to experience pleasure. And that's precisely the case with me.

I recall several years ago, ~16-18yrs old, life was just so much more vibrant and enjoyable. That was well before I ever really started drinking. My drinking didn't really begin to become problematic until I turned 18, because it wasn't until then that my brother turned 21, through whom I was getting all my liquor.

So that's kind of me in a small nutshell. I've experienced life before alcohol, and I've experienced (and am experiencing) life with alcohol. The former is infinitely better.

Also, I got a brief glimpse of the satisfaction of sobriety during my previous 69 day streak (which was almost a solid year ago). I might get into some more details about that later.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR, you are smart to stop at such a young age. You will find lots of support on this website.

TorchedGrave

I realized Dee was absolutely right, 100%.

I've decided to throw out the rest of my liquor (which wasn't much). I remember I said the liquor here was virtually unlimited, but I've been drinking from my own stash to be more covert about it.

But where is this all coming from? You can call it slight withdrawal. I couldn't quite sleep. It's around 3AM here where I am, and though quite tired, I just can't seem to stay/fall asleep. That's the anxiety.

Granted, I have thrown out my liquor in attempts to quit before, so I'm trying to be optimistic this time. In other words, I hope it's more than a purely symbolic move. Perhaps this site will give me the accountability that I've been seeking. I'll definitely keep you guys updated.

Here's to Day 1.

P.S. - I think it's a good sign that I'm actually excited for this. Hopefully this decision will coincide with making healthier lifestyle choices in general. I was one of those people for whom cigarettes and alcohol were like PB&J. Luckily I'm not a regular smoker, but even giving up smoking a few cigarettes a day is improvement.

DG0409

Way to go on day 1. You can do this. And you are right that life is so much more vibrant without alcohol.