Steve3929

Funniest damn thing. I get it under control and she finds an old journal where I've written about my worst of times while in my worst of times. Currently doing the best I've done in years. Needless to say we're sleeping in different bedrooms.

nova84

That's rough Steve. Perhaps she just needs some time to come to terms with what you had already discovered about yourself...I am sure you went to considerable lengths to conceal the worst times from her, so the full extent will be a shock. I don't know if you have stopped drinking or have made changed, but I am imagine she will be hurt by the deceit that will have gone on and her trust in you at this time is likely to be fragile. It's likely that she will need to see evidence that things are now different from what she has read about. I suggest trying to understand her hurt and confusion and be open and honest with her when she is ready to talk. Good luck x

Soberwolf

Steve I hope she sees the good your doing you have us I'm sorry

lisatryingagain

I hope your wife quickly sees the strength and courage you have in trying to conquer very difficult things.
And also recognises that a journal is written to help the writer, not for others to read or judge.

Dropsie

I am not sure what is in there, but she will probably forgive you.

Ask her too. Don't get defensive, just tell you know you hurt her, you are sorry, you are trying to make amends by changing your behaviour and you are so grateful for her support. And you LOVE HER and are SORRY.

Maybe this is a sign you need to reread your journal and remind yourself why this is so important.

You can do this.

SoberinSyracuse

She read your private journal???!!!

Shantilove

I'm sorry to hear that she isn't being supportive. It was wrong of her to read your journal, so very wrong.
If you are doing the best you have in a long time then that's all that matters now, the past is the past. Keep doing what your doing

Zebra1275

My wife knows that I log onto "some recovery website."

If she actually decided to find out about this website, and got my login credentials, I would feel like that was an invasion of my privacy. It would be awkward around my house for awhile, I can't imagine what you are going through.

My best advice is to keep moving forward and stay sober today.

Soberween

She read your private journal? And then sleeps in a different bedroom? Wow. So much for "in sickness and in health."

MikeM

That is bad. But... a good conversation might help. She's read it now (dude, hide stuff like that better! ), so she knows.

Explain that you had a problem. That it was as you wrote it down. That it was part of your process of getting better and that it's in the past. If she says that she wished that you'd have told her, tell her why you didn't. Some things are difficult to tell you know?

It may be an opportunity to create more honesty and openness in your relationship.

Obladi

My daughters found some SMART worksheets I had hidden several years back, then the oldest one decided to sign up for that site and found all of my posts, then shared the information she found with her younger sister.

I found that the be an incredible invasion of privacy. It was wrong and it hurt me, especially because the oldest daughter was angry with me for keeping secrets from her. They can't ever un-know what they read, but there's nothing I can do about that. All I can do is stay on my path.

At the time it was like I had become an entirely different person in their eyes. Over time, I think those things they learned about me have been integrated into a more holistic view of me.

Seeing as you are dealing with your partner and not your children here, I think it's important for her to help you understand why she felt the need to read your journal. Are you giving her any reason to think you are not on track? Is she afraid/suspicious that you are not? What things can you and she do to help her feel more secure while allowing you to trust her to trust you?

Hawkeye13

I would be sleeping in another bedroom too if my husband chose to invade
my privacy and read my journal.

That's a big trust violation.

Anna

Hmm, I also think that your wife crossed a line by reading your private journal. I'm not advocating keeping secrets from a spouse at all, but I feel we should all be entitled to some privacy.

I kept a journal for much of the first year or so of recovery. My guilt and shame were overwhelming and it helped me to write it out. In the end, I burned it. It was something I never wanted anyone else to find and read.

Steve3929

Yeah, I was equally parts pissed and embarrassed. She knew of the journal, but I simply asked her not to read it. She doesn't trust me now. Not sure how to trust her either. Man, days like today would have been pretty liquid back in the day. No temptation for me now though. I had to reread it to remind myself of my inner thoughts. The journal could have been worse. We've had a pretty amazing marriage, this is the biggest hump. She said she was totally caught off guard by it. Guess I kept my together while drinking, eh?

Good luck today everybody

Jsbodhi

That's what I thought, she can't be mad with illegally obtained evidence!!

Steve3929

Trust me, she can find justification! Awkward morning for sure. Pretty quiet here. Sure the discussion will happen at the boys nap time. I guess luckily she read it during my best of times

courage2

Good luck, Steve. I can identify.

My suggestions -- do *not* under any circumstances try to justify yourself or accuse her of anything (like snooping). Simply reiterate that you no longer are the kind of person who would do those things.

And, be patient. If you've been married a while, there's probably a lot of hidden resentments going on with both of you, and it may take a while to resolve. But happy peaceful times together can come again!

Steve3929

Thanks for the advice. Total silent treatment so far. Tried to talk to her, no nada. Hopefully, time will heal. Not sure what the hell she thought would be in a private journal? I guess I'm getting more pissed by the minute. But I'll keep it inside. Thanks Y'all

Hawkeye13

Good you're not drinking--excellent in fact.

I hope it works out and some healing can happen for both of you.

Steve3929

Yeah, it's a real good thing I'm not drinking. My overreaction would have been epic. But a huge positive, still no urge to indulge, so there is that