Zebra1275

Note to self.

If I ever start journaling, use my computer and password protect it.

Steve3929

Always remember that Zebra! Of all the ways she could have figured out my drinking issues, didn't think it would be that. Funniest part, she couldn't fathom how somebody could kill 12 beers in a day. I had to stifle the laugh.

FormerWineGirl

I am assuming that the journal discusses your problems specifically with alcohol abuse and doesn't divulge any other behaviors she would find disturbing. If that is the case, perhaps you can open a dialogue with her about you plans for recovery and how she can help you. Being accountable to and having the help of someone so important in your life could be valuable in your recovery. Having said that, she should not have read a private journal that you specifically asked her not to read. This needs to be addressed as well. Find out what compelled her to do that, and if there is an underlying issue of mistrust.

Steve3929

Nah, no other behavioral issues. Drinking is my vice. We've chatted, she said she was worried about me. She also said she wouldn't ever drink around me. I said that I appreciated that, but didn't think it necessary. She is just royally pissed that I wouldn't come out to her with these issues. We both said sorry, but it was probably a little less sincere than necessary. Sure it will be quiet tonight, but that's alright. We've been together 11 years, first real issue.

Steve3929

As for her reading the journal, she said she was curious as to how much I have been using it, wanted to see how thick it was, and the first thing she read was "still drinking". She also mentioned that my brother's birthday (deceased) was coming up and wanted to see if I was doing ok. Whatever the reason, doesn't really matter. That part is over. I struggle to trust her now, she has the same issue with me. We'll probably work through it.

Steve3929

Thank you WineGirl. Good to chat a bit.

Thumpalumpacus

Good luck. You can probably expect her to be watching your behavior closely for a while to see if she can identify addict behavior there.

As a writer myself, such an intrusion would be an issue in and of itself. Trust is a two-way street.

letitgo

I will usually write out a journal and/post and just delete. Paranoia i guess. I dont think my wife would read my journal but i wouldn't want to risk having a physical document available. I guess i really dont want to go back and see how i felt in the past. That was then
I can only concentrate on the present.

Krysta123

Your allowed privacy in marriage ?? My ex husband used to go through all my stuff ,I never got to have anything private. I never went through his stuff tho because I didn't care too .. its funny to me that you guys are so shocked his wife read his journal... an not haha funny I mean sad funny because I thought it was normal to not have any privacy in a marriage

Thumpalumpacus

Violating an agreed-upon boundary is a violation of trust.

Steve3929

Krysta, I didn't ask for "privacy". Just respect. She agreed to let me have my thing. Sorry that you think people don't need a little space here and there. But regardless, my wife and I will be ok. Trust is truly a two way street. And neither of us have it.

coming_clean

I have an online journal, protected with password.
If she ever finds out and reads stuff, i've written several ...entries/stories...to her. I hope she never reads them but its a failsafe to protect my a$$

Stories/entries with the title: if you ever find out

Seriously. I do. Several journals have been breached by several people throughout the years and it really devastated me.

Dropsie

Everyone is right as usual.

She "shouldn't" have read it, but come on, really?? None would sneak a peak....

Steve -- IMO, you've got the balance right -- let her come to terms that she should not have read it, which she knows of course, and you focus on the fact that now she knows a lot more about you than you feel comfortable with.

the worst thing for me is feeling vulnerable, which si what this has forced you to be, but there is a lot to be gained from it.

Now she knows you better, and she will still love you, and that coudl eb a good thing.

Soberwolf

Your doing great Steve

LBrain

sure she can

Anna said she kept a journal for a year then burned it.

LBrain

this

jazzfish

She violated your privacy, but alcoholism sickens relationships and that is the sort of thing that happens. It doesn't excuse it, but desperate people do desperate things. Maybe this is an unexpected opportunity to bring things out in the open and mutually work on making things better? Together or apart, I hope things work out for the best.

Steve3929

I appreciate everyone's thoughts. It certainly opened up some pretty good dialogue between us. Might even make things easier on me as I doubt she'll be offering to make me a drink or offer to grab me another .

So update on our situation together, she bought me a watch and some Reece's Peanut Butter Cups and wrote a note. We had a long hug (until our oldest son, 2, woke up from his nap) where we both apologized. Followed by some pretty awesome makeup sex!

Happy Monday all.

Dropsie

Talk about a silver lining....

Steve3929

Dropsie, I realized a while back that you gotta appreciate the little things in life