jessie65

7 weeks sober today and feeling quite blah, to be honest. The fact that I have experienced so few benefits has me worried. I'm starting to wonder why I stay sober, and that's never good.

I really do know why (hangovers were hell, health was suffering, etc..) but am I not supposed to feel better after 7 weeks of no alcohol?

Depression is still there, I've Gained weight, I look like death, the boredom is ridiculous, and my hair's a mess.
I'm busy all day but come evening I swear I'm twiddling my thumbs (and eating everything in sight).

I'm not going to drink, no way, I'm still desperately waiting for my miracle.
I'm wondering though, maybe I'll never feel different? I was down to drinking once or twice a week so maybe nothing much will change in how I feel or look? I guess I keep waiting for the energy to suddenly kick in.
I seriously think I was more functional while drinking.

Sorry to be a downer all. I did want to ask what kind of changes did you all make in your life to make sobriety fit into it?
I remember something Dee said about how sobriety won't fit into your old lifestyle so you need to create a new one. That makes so much sense to me but I guess I'm not sure how to do that? Aside from moving or changing jobs which I'm unable to do right now. I rarely hung out with drinking friends, I drank alone.

Just looking for ideas I guess, to keep me on track. I think I'm losing my mind.

Dee74

Hi Jessie
I dunno about you but I drank and drugged for years - however much I wanted to be 'fixed' that wasn't going to happen overnight...

7 weeks is great - but it's 7 weeks. Try to be patient, give yourself the time it takes to heal and for things to start to come together.

Creating a new lifestyle is all about different choices. A new life won;t just fall in your lap - I found that out

Do a little work If you're concerned about your weight why not work out an exercise and diet plan or join a gym for example.

IOf you're depressed have you considered seeing a DR?

If you're bored - do something It doesn't have to be a hUge life change but you must have hobbIes and interests or things you've always wanted to do. Why wait any longer?

Think about the friends you have who'll support your recovery - can you do something with them that won't involve alcohol?

D

Steely

I'm depressed too and other times really happy about being sober. The old emotional roller coaster. I used to drink to drown my depression and anxiety and now without it I am left to feel it as it is, not drown it. Feeling the feelings is good. But rest up and water.

least

Congrats on 7 weeks sober! And do see your doctor if your depression persists.

FLCamper

I felt very much that same way. I think part of my problem was my expectations were not in line with how things progressed: I expected more energy, a little spike of happiness, something other than lethargy - come one, I quit drinking so I deserved something!
The good news is that my "reward" came along slowly and things did turn around. Depression lifted, energy increased, outlook improved. It was slower than I had expected.
I was also a solo drinker so I didn't have to change my social circle. Most don't drink.
Hang in there! 7 weeks is fantastic.

SoberinSyracuse

Sounds like you need to find some things to do in the evening other than twiddle your thumbs and eat. Evening is a perfect time to exercise, take an evening class, or hang out in a coffee shop/bookstore.

Vigorous exercise is great for killing time and beating the blues. If you join a gym that has kickboxing, zumba, spinning, etc and a sauna, you can easily fill two hours in a way that will lift your mood.

Peace2015

So True... Right now our addiction is LOUDER than Peace... What has helped in recent days is reading to keep my mind busy.. May a power greater than ourselves show up to stop us from continuing the INSANITY........ Repeating the same behavior and expecting a different outcome has only worked for those in CEMENTARIES (didn't work, ever, is the point) I remember a quote from a TV show, "Why do I hit myself in the head with a hammer, because it feels so good when I stop." Forgive my grammar

keeppushing

Jessie,

Congrats on 7 weeks! As for the better life issue, I completely agree with Dee. Regardless of whether you are battling alcoholism, depression, divorce, tragedy, etc. a better life will not just happen.

As a suggestion, in trying to get sober (day 3 again!) I decided to eat better and to exercise. I dropped 14 kgs in 11 weeks. I am slowly building connection to real people (family and friends) and try to meet with them more regularly. I am re-learning to read. When I was an everyday drinker, I would read nothing. As I work towards permanent sobriety the many sober days have allowed me to increase the amount that I read for pleasure.

These are just some potential ideas from my life that I hope help you.

KP

jessie65

Thank you all .

I just want to feel better, I won't drink over it though. I self medicated for too long and it got me nowhere.
I normally do exercise daily but for the past 3 weeks now I'm So unmotivated! I can't even force myself to just move sometimes. It's awful. I'm gulping 5 hour energy like it's water, yuck. And it's not working.

I know I should see a Dr. again about the depression but I can't bring myself to do it right now, I had such a humiliating experience last time.
I will find another Dr. eventually if it persists, but I was hoping cutting out the alcohol would help a lot with the depression.

jessie65

A few others replied while I was posting. Thank-you all for your thoughts.

I agree I need to get back to exercise and eating healthy, I know it's what I need. I always feel better when I'm taking care of myself. I just wish I had more energy to do it. I guess I need to force myself, I've done that before.

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit, I have no friends. I've always been a loner, an introvert. I have acquaintances but nobody I hang out with. Occasionally I'll be with others in the summer but I've even avoided that the last couple years because they drink..

Fly N Buy

Loneliness, even when I was around others and isolation was how I lived towards the end of my drinking. Finding a fellowship and live support of others coupled with wonderful friends on SR has filled those voids and keeps me on track.

Thanks for the post - well done on 7 weeks!

thomas11

Jessie, when I first joined this site I created a thread with the exact same title. Sometimes I made it through, sometimes I didn't. As time has passed, I've come to realize when the mind is right, everything is a danger zone, and its best to just stay laser focused on being sober and living a clean and healthy life. Just my two cents.

SobrieTee

It will get better, but it takes time. Maybe actively seek out activities that do not involve alcohol. For a while, not drinking was enough for me to maintain my sobriety, but eventually I needed to do more. I needed to learn how to DO LIFE without alcohol. It helped me to find activities that had no relation to alcohol, like a running club and a dodge ball league (yep, you read that correctly). Try different things, and see what works for you.

Inchworm

"Danger Zone" ! Yikes! When that has happened to me, looking back, I needed to focus more on my spiritual growth, Jessie. Because it sure wasn't coming out of a bottle anymore!

blueberry2015

Understand completely. You need to look at ways to feel that void thats "missing" in your life. Newly sober it can be real real hard. Im currently going through a phase of discontentment in my life, and like you Ive recognised it. You and me ARE in the danger zone. When depression hits it is really hard to motivate yourself to do anything and then we sit in self pity. Look at taking up a new hobby or doing more of what you like doing and force yourself to do it. Ive been invited for coffee today by a friend tbh I cant be bothered going but I HAVE to. Getting me out the house and distracting myself will help. Huge hugs its a horrible place to be right now x x x

Aurora7431

Hi! Congrats on 7 weeks! As someone who battles with depression and mood disorder I have seen many Dr. I suggest finding a new Dr. Don't let one experience stop you from finding good healthcare. You deserve to feel better! If social clubs aren't your thing, try finding something you can do at home like reading, painting, home repair, building something, walking around the neighborhood, etc. Return here for support. You will find it gets better!

D122y

Jessie,

Totally relate w you.

I was alone for many years. I needed people in my life.

I didn't have the internet, so I would seek out. Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Suggest using the Internet to seek out friends. I will be your friend.

Eventually you can seek out friends that live nearby and you can meet for movies or dinners.

It is not that easy finding good friends, but they are out their.

I do grappling as a hobby. Something about wrestling is very fulfilling for me.

I like wrestling w girls the best. I take it easy on them.

Bottom line, there is no problem that drinking can't make worse.

If you need mental help see a dr.....but...

IMO...you are still healing...a Dr. Will probably give you anti d.s...

Give yourself at least 6 months of clean time...

Depending on so many things...it can take a while to recover.

I didn't check in to SR until I was 80 days clean...

The anxiety....Depression...has faded a bit every day..it gets better...

Hang in there. Alcohol is poison. Be proud of your sobriety.

Berrybean

Hi Jessie.

It sounds like you know what you need to do really. You've removed alcohol but not done the work to replace it with other things, and are floundering and feeling lost.

It does take time to get new habits in place. The thing is, 'nothing changes if nothing changes'. You can wait for your miracle as long as you like, but unfortunately it's down to each of us to take action. I, like you, spent the first chunk of sobriety sitting on my sofa, stuffing my face. I, like you, started to wonder what I was doing this for. Then I realised that I had to do something different. That was in April 2014, and I've been trying 'different' stuff since then.

The first thing I did was lean into my fear, and finally go along to my first AA meeting, then my second and third, and forth. I tried different meetings til I found ones that suited me. This meant that I finally made some sober friends. Other lovely ladies who understand me, and the way I think, and who are also eager to find non-drinking activities and entertainment. For me, there's just a few people who've turned into daily life friends, but they are close and valuable friendships, and we have fun going out and about. Even if just for coffee and a mooch round the shops.

Other things I've tried (not all of them have been a roaring success for various reasons, but those ones I stopped - and I've not regretted giving any of them a go)...

Bootcamp (for fitness) - really enjoyed it but logistically impractical as tight time-wise getting back from work, or I'd have carried that on.

Joining a book group , and also going to local author events.

Going to local theatre productions (I never went before because I didn't have anyone to go with. Finally thought 'sod it, I'll go on my own' and actually this is a great thing to do alone as you're not supposed to be chatting anyway)

Joined a choir (LOVE this - it really cheers me up)

Doing a creative writing course (this is a recent addition, so early days, but am loving it)

Spending more time with my family - and really enjoying it because I'm not watching the time wondering when I'm going to get a drink.

Volunteering - creche and tea duties once a month each; and marshalling for local running group when they have events.

Bell ringing. (Let's not go into that one)

Dress making (when I have a LOT of time on my hands. I'm very slow at this!!)

Going for coffee and cake with one of my lovely sober friends

Joined the beginners course with the running club (loved this, even though I'm def a turtle not a hare. Will do it again when they next do one - just wish they did it all year round).

Trying new recipes

Going for walks



Think back to what you used to enjoy before alcohol took over, and keep an eye (and your mind) open for posters when you're out and about or in your local library (I use the camera on my phone to take pics of any posters that look interesting as my memory is awful). If you're anything like me, you'll be surprised just how much has been going on in your area while you've been busying yourself with alcohol. Most clubs and societies are happy for people to come along for a trial session or two before committing to joining.

Anyway. Whatever you decide to do, please don't spend too much more time sitting on your sofa waiting for the Recovery Fairy to pay you a visit - you need to get off you bum and go look for her

Let us know what you try out and how it goes

doggonecarl

Stop waiting. Be an active participant in your recovery. Make plans to do something this evening besides eat. Engage in an activity, hobby, interest, craft. Or fix your hair :-)

Recover is an action verb. Get hopping. Even if you don't feel like it. Being stuck in the doldrums is doing you no good.

FreeOwl

A good way to make friends and connect with peopke is to start doing stuff.

Get out into this limitless world and try stuff. Your mind will be blown at all the stuff there is to do and try!

People do stuff, so doing stuff will help you meet people. It will also help you build a new life of rewarding non drinking stuff.

Do more than 'not drink' also. See a counselor. Go to a retreat. Try a life coach. Frame some goals.

Its easy to sit back and think 'well Ive quit drinking now where's my miracle?'

Turns out it doesn't quite work that way. When we put down the booze, thats where we xan begin to BECOME our miracle. But it takes action and change. Sometimes it even takes fairly difficult work.

But its worth it.