MikeM

I just don't experience it like that. I feel like I can't do it. My desire to not drink pales in comparison to the obsession.

courage2

Dear Mike, you're drunk now, so there's no talking to you, imo. I'm only writing this for anyone else who might read it.

Relapsing is worse misery than anything. It's embarrassing, it's harder to quit again, it's just plain no fun anymore. It's a new bottom, to find out that even though you thought you quit, the AV was stronger.

But it doesn't need to be that way. You never have to relapse, and if you do, you can quit again. A relapse is just a very very vivid message that you need stronger support for recovery than you thought you did. Getting help, helps.

If you want to drink more than you want to get sober, you'll drink.

If you want to get sober, do what it takes -- whatever that is.

Penelopepitstop

I got a chill in my bones when I read your post Mike. It could so easily be me. Start over again tomorrow older and wiser.
Ive started listening to a late night phone in radio show. The callers are usually out of it. It kinda helps me stay sober when I hear the state of some of them! I've yet to call a radio show but I've made plenty of mortifying drunken phone calls. It's a UK station called the Allan Beswick late night phone in show on BBC Manchester, uk time 10pm to 1am.

mcflurry

What a well written post. If you can, pour the beer out, have a large glass of water, some food and go to bed. Take paracetamol as soon as you wake up tomorrow plus an antacid like gaviscon. I'm not going to lie, you will still feel rough, but this should help with the headache/nausea.

Hopefully tomorrow you can think about what it was that made you open that first can so you don't open another. I agree with printing the post out so you have a reminder to yourself if the urges come again.

Wishing you all the best.

SoberinSyracuse

Didn't you post earlier today or maybe yesterday that you had reached 7 days and were doing well? What changed? Why did you do this?

I agree with your other thread that you really NEED a plan. If your switch flips that quickly from happy sobriety to getting drunk, doesn't sound like you are putting up much of a fight. You need to figure this out so you can quit being alcohol's prison punk.

MikeM

It was just like that. Suddenly I wanted to drink. And I couldn't stop it. Believe me, I fought. But lost the battle.

Anna

Mike, stop drinking and get some rest. In the morning you can come up with a plan that will help you to get through cravings like you had today. You will be able to do it!

least

You cannot succeed unless you want to be sober more than you want to drink. Sounds like you're not there yet. Hope you can come to your senses soon before something really bad happens.

Soberpotamus

Hope you realize it's a neverending chase for a buzz or drunk. It's pointless and futile. It's a big waste of time.

See you on the other side.

Shantilove

Hey Mike,
You know what the good thing is? You KNOW how destructive alcohol is, you are not in denial, that's one step! The next is to stop. You are well aware that it only ever ends one way, in misery. So you just have to stop. Recently what's helped me is playing the tape over of recent relapses in my head, or reading my old posts.
Dust your self off, get up and start over. You CAN do this. You want to do this. Stay strong! I believe in you. It might take a few false starts but it will click eventually. Don't give up x

Zebra1275

Thanks for the post Mike.

Although I've been sober for a few years, my wife just told me she is going to be out of town for a couple of days next week. A thought popped into my head, that maybe I could drink one night, "just for old times sake" since I will be home alone.

I probably wouldn't have, but reading your post reinforces the fact that for me, drinking is a really stupid idea. I will read you post next week for a little extra ammunition against the alcoholic voice.

Tomorrow when you feel better, come back and read and post on this website. It can really help you.

Thumpalumpacus

Get back on the bike and start pushing pedals again, brotha.

Lscotty1

But for the grace of God, there go I. One month sober today. Chronic relapser. So glad I woke up sober today. Your post was accurate. We all know that Hell. Thankful I don't have to live that life. Neither do you. Really.

MyTime86

Sorry you relapsed. Don't beat your self up start over.
I do want to thank you for writing this I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for this massage.

getright15

I feel your pain. Sometimes life just sucks if it's your fault or not.

Meraviglioso

Hey Mike, I can relate to this because I used to feel the same way. I really sometimes felt like I was outside my own body and drove to the bar or store on autopilot to get alcohol. Only when I started to get really serious about staying sober did I see that all of those times I felt like it was completely out of my control I was actually somewhere, somehow making a decision to drink. It can feel like it is out of your control but in the end you make the decision to drink each and every time.
Not to imply it is easy, it took a lot of work for me to bring that to the forefront and recognize the decisive moment when choosing to relapse or not relapse. You say you have "cultivated focus all [your] life." How about using that focus to pinpoint the moment when you choose to pick up that first drink and stop it then instead of using that focus to write a coherent and error free post after giving in and getting drunk?
You can do this, you really can, you just have to choose to do it.