The saga continues...
Brother of the Wolf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
The saga continues...
So, I have gotten back to 35 days sober. My hand tremors are still popping up periodically, and my anxiety is doing what it does. But, for the most part, I feel great this time around.
As a related piece of information, my cousin was found dead by her father at work three days ago. It looks like she drank herself into a heart attack at 42 years old. The family curse is still spinning around, and I realize that I have to be ready to fight it off for the rest of my life. I'm not a "normal" person. I can't go fishing with my buddies and have a beer and go on with my normal life. If I pick up a drink, there is a good chance that it will be six months before I set it down. Three of the five phone numbers in "Favorites" on my phone are people who I can call before picking up a bottle. Working on my recovery is exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as hiding my addiction.
As a related piece of information, my cousin was found dead by her father at work three days ago. It looks like she drank herself into a heart attack at 42 years old. The family curse is still spinning around, and I realize that I have to be ready to fight it off for the rest of my life. I'm not a "normal" person. I can't go fishing with my buddies and have a beer and go on with my normal life. If I pick up a drink, there is a good chance that it will be six months before I set it down. Three of the five phone numbers in "Favorites" on my phone are people who I can call before picking up a bottle. Working on my recovery is exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as hiding my addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 113
I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. That is terrible - and "sobering" to me, being an early forties female who stopped drinking in part due to cardiac concerns. So sad for her father to discover that - tragedies on today's boards.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Sorry for your family's loss. And I'm glad that it is not your destiny as well. Congrats on your sober time. Keep that ball rolling!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm very sorry about your cousin. I hope you see this as a sign of how vulnerable we all are to this horrible disease. Good for you for being prepared with people you can call, and of course, you can always come here and post.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by sweatyhands 
if i pick up a drink, there is a good chance that it will be six months before i set it down. Three of the five phone numbers in "favorites" on my phone are people who i can call before picking up a bottle. Working on my recovery is exhausting, but not nearly as exhausting as hiding my addiction.
So sorry for your loss.
Brother of the Wolf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Thank you all for the well wishes. I am currently in the transitional state of being angry with myself for picking up a bottle last summer after 3+ years sober (I know, beating myself up isn't even remotely helpful) and being grateful that these 36 days are happening after discovering that I really can't ever even think about taking a drink. For the first year or two, I was terrified of alcohol because of the withdrawal. Then, the good old AV started up saying that if I really had a problem, I wouldn't have been able to be sober that long. Eventually, I had to find out for myself that a drink now is just as imprisoning as a drink was when quitting meant having a seizure. I would not wish on anyone having to give this up again after several years of sobriety. It is the oldest and worst friend I have ever known. But, if I have to choose between me and the bottle, I will choose me every time.
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