PinotNOmore

Today started crappy (literally. My dog crapped on my floor.) And has just gone down hill since then. I'm annoyed by everything and my temper and patience are extremely short. It's not even 5pm yet and this day is just wearing on me. Not going to drink tonight. I have nothing in the house... but tomorrow may be a different story. This stinks, and I am not a pleasant person to be around. I feel like I lost my personality with my last drink 12 days ago. Maybe I'm just not ready for this.

least

Only you know if you're ready to get sober for good. I hope you are.

Dee74

It doesn't have to be
It's hard to deal with stuff sober - but the more we do, the better we get at it PNM

Don't turn back now

D

GroundhogDay

This is perfectly normal at your stage of recovery. It goes away soon enough. Give it a couple of weeks.

Mountainmanbob

We can come up with many reasons why we should pick up a drink.

Self deception is a terrible thing.

How many times will we fool ourselves ?

Mountainman

Wicket

All you have to do is push through it. You said you won't drink tonight, and that's fantastic. Tomorrow can be dealt with when it comes. No reason to put doubt in your own mind about it right now.

Crappy days happen - sober or not. The fact that you're getting annoyed by situations is somewhat of a good thing - it means you're human. You're no longer an intoxicated zombie who's numb by poison. You have normal feelings again! The only difference is, now you'll have to reinvent how you cope with these situations. I'm on Day 12 as well and had a HORRIBLE day a couple days ago. But I made it through. All you have to do is push through it.

I think your mind is tricking you into thinking you're not ready. Your AV wants you to fail. That's its job. But if you give up on yourself now, and start drinking again, how long are you going to let yourself believe "I'm just not ready"? Isn't that how we all fell into this trap in the first place? Quitting something does require hard work sometimes, but it's definitely worth sticking with.

You know deep down that it's time to kick the addiction's butt. That's why you're here, right? If not today, then when?

least

What will it take to make you 'ready' to get sober? A horrific event? A health scare? Stop now and you can avoid those things. Don't tempt fate.

doggonecarl

When you took that last drink 12 days ago, was the goal total sobriety? Or just until things got tough?

You may feel you've lost your personality. Don't lose your committment to recovery.

Venecia

PNM, that sounds like you're cracking open the door to return to alcoholism.

Listen, recovery isn't easy. Every person on in the SR community who has achieved some sober time will tell you that.

They'll also tell you that as hard as it is to get sober (and stay sober), it's so much harder to be an active alcoholic.

You've had a hard time. You indicated last week that if you are struggling, you'll enter a treatment program. Perhaps it's time to shift that plan into gear.

Because you really don't want to live as an alcoholic. Your AV just wants you to think that you do.

Hawkeye13

AV is setting you up Pinot

Some days are tough, but things get better
unless you drink

Anna

You can find new and healthy ways to deal with days like this.

Marcher13

Pinot over in your return thread you said

I believe you were right on both counts: one day at a time and you need a plan.

PinotNOmore

Maybe I am cracking the door open. Maybe I'm ok with that. Maybe it is my AV telling me all of this... but I sure can't tell the difference! All I know is I thought I would be happier, and instead I'm stressed, irritable, and sad. I miss my stress relief.

melki

Give yourself time, it gets easier.

Alcohol doesn't ever make anything better long-term. The short-lived relief you're seeking will soon mountain into a huge hungry miserable monster. And if you can't tell the difference now, you sure won't be able to tell the difference then and will keep feeding into it. Don't go there.

ScottFromWI

It's defintiely your AV, and it's not just talking - it's yelling. It's also lying.

It tells you that alcohol is "stress relief"...it might be for a fleeting moment, but it's conveniently forgetting to tell you about the hangovers. And the guilt and shame for drunken behavior. And the health problems. And that alcohol actually makes your anxiety worse.

It also tells you that you will be happier if you drink. All you need to do is go back and read some of your past threads to know that it's a lie as well. You won't be happier, you'll just be drunk. And then you'll sober up and feel even worse.

It will take time to heal. And you will need to learn healthy ways to deal with life on its own terms...do you have any sort of formal plan to do this?

Ruby2

You know what? What you are going through is what all of us have gone through in the beginning. I hated everyone and everything in the beginning. Just absolutely and utterly wretched. Sure. Drinking would have temporarily made that better. But temporarily. Life happens whether we want to or not. It's not always going to be rainbows and unicorns. It's hard staying sober in the beginning. Wretched work. Is it really any worse than your worst hangover? The shame and misery that got you to the point that you knew you needed to stop the insanity?

MariahGayle

I'm sorry you are struggling Pinot...please remember what brought you here..... Maybe look back at posts? I hope you can get some rest & things look brighter tomorrow.

PinotNOmore

And now I'm crying. Lol this is why I usually post after I drink. It's hard to hear things you already know. It just sucks. I ran into 3 girlfriends at three separate locations this afternoon and all three had wine in their hands and all suggested I do the same after hearing about my day. That's the thing, no one has any clue I struggle. I even got a "good job" when I told my husband I hadn't drank in 12 days. Not sure why, but that response just bugged me. I've yelled more today than I ever remember yelling before, and I have had trouble sleeping, so that just aggravates everything. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Thanks everyone.

melki

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is go to sleep. Rest well and feel better tomorrow!

FormerWineGirl

Those bad days are going to happen, but the next day when you wake up after having NOT drank, guilt-free and hangover free, it suddenly makes it all worth it.

As far as you feeling like you've lost your personality, you haven't. It just takes time for you to heal and rediscover your sober self, which will serve you much better than your drunk self ever will!