Betterlife1

Day 28 today, and things are going fine! This is my third real attempt to be sober after 30 years of drinking. I won't go into my backstory, but basically I just want to quit! I have probably wanted to off and on for the last 22 years. The last two times I fell off the wagon after 2 months and 4 months sober were not some unforseen event, just simply a plan to moderate. As the story often goes, I couldn't do so!

So over the past several weeks, I have been really thinking about why I can't moderate, and I may have it figured out. It's really quite simple! Drinking 1-2 drinks for me really doesnt do much. I drink for the buzz and not the taste. When “moderating”, I always hoped I could have about 2-3, catch a buzz and call it night!

However, the problem is once I catch the buzz after 2-3 drinks, my brain shifts into happy mode and will 100% always justify the next drink beyond 3,4,5,etc.! Now it may not be a 12-15 drink night, but my “sober/rational” brain has never won the battle with “buzzed” brain to keep it down to 2-3 drinks. So I always fail!! After I fail a handful of times, I spiral back into my old ways.

Now that I realize this, I’m hoping for better success and not trying to pretend I can moderate!! As always, thanks for listening!!

jryan19982

Most of the time, if I have one, I will drink the rest of what I have, and then if that is not at least 6 beers I have the urge to go buy more. Leads to a nasty hangover the next day!

desertsong

You got that right! That buzz after 1-3 drinks felt wonderful, but always wore off too soon. I would want to get it back, so I'd just go get more alcohol. But chasing that buzz would ALWAYS just end up in me getting blackout drunk. One hour of bliss traded for at least 24 hours of misery. No thanks!

biminiblue

That is the exact reason why moderation doesn't work for alcoholics. It will never work, no matter how many times I tried it.

This is a great place for you to be. This is acceptance of total abstinence - which is so much easier, anyway.

Hevyn

28 days - how great.

Yes, that was the hardest part for me - admitting I had no control. I always told myself if I used enough willpower there was no reason why I couldn't have one or two now and then. The result was drinking 24/7 and a life in chaos. Well, now we know better. There is no 'one' - ever.

least

Same here. I drank to get drunk. So I always drank too much. At the end of my drinking career I was drinking all day to keep the w/d away.

mav

Great work on the 28 days (that makes your quit date Xmas day ish! Hardcore!) and realising you can't moderate. My AV is really testing me on this exact thing for the past couple of days. I've tried and failed in the past to moderate, same as many others - 1 or 2 is never enough. I'm 23 days at the moment and it's going rally well so far... so of course my AV is telling me that maybe this time I will be able to moderate. I'm desperately trying to block it out, but I think I still haven't yet come to terms with never ever drinking again. Hopefully that'll come.

Onwards and upwards!

Betterlife1

Hey Mav, great job on 23 days! Very true on not coming to terms with not drinking ever again. I think that is one of the toughest things about quitting. But I'm sure that will get easier over time!! This may be a bad approach, but I even tell myself just quit for 1 year! That is it, and then I will figure out what I want to do after a year. I guess we'll see what happens! Stay strong!

FormerWineGirl

Congratulations on 28 days! You sound like you have a positive attitude with a genuine desire to quit for good.

Yea, about moderation....I've read some excellent articles on the subject that really explains it at it's basic level. At some point during one's "drinking career", if a pattern develops the switch flips - the damage is done, the brain is rewired and any hope of moderation is basically gone. For some it can actually happen with the first drink, for others it happens over a period time, which varies from person to person. Even pro-moderation groups generally agree that moderation is NOT effective if the pattern has already developed and the brain has experienced certain changes.

MariahGayle

Nice going on 28 days! Yeah, I simply can not moderate & this time around I seemed to have accepted that & just want to move forward now with out the drink....life is still life but so much easier sober!!

SoberinSyracuse

You said it. I have no interest in "a drink or two." And every time I've tried to moderate, I got myself into a real pickle. Once I realized that I didn't even WANT to drink in moderation, it made the decision to quit much easier to embrace.

ubntubnt

I don't think we need to come to terms with never drinking again right now. It's like an unfit guy thinking about running a marathon. At the start it is an unrealistic goal. But he will think about joining a gym and eating better and start walking more. He focuses on one step at a time and as he gets fitter he can progress until eventually the idea of a marathon is not only doable but even appealing because his behaviors are now habits. That how I view not drinking. Just train today and get a tiny bit fitter and then trust that one day I will be able to say I ran a marathon.

I think this thread is a decent definition of why moderation won't work. Absolutely destroy your life brain is not competing with rational brain - because that's an easy decision. Nobody would drink if that was the choice.

But have one or two and relax brain can beat rational brain - then when you are all buzzy and cozy and happy "have another couple to get a little drunk" brain can beat have one or two brain easily. And once you are there "finish the bottle brain and start fresh again tomorrow" brain can easily win. And once you are there "today is a mess anyway, might as well go the whole 9 yards" brain can easily win. And so it goes....

In a normal drinker the "why not get a little drunk" brain virtually never wins.