SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - Hello again after many months... Grateful to be present.

Hi all,
I just came back on to SR after quite a few months of not checking in. It is great to see so many familiar names along with new ones.
After fits and starts at sobriety all last summer I finally got and remained sober.
From the onset, day one or two, I realized that I was suddenly "present" for my wife and kids in a way that sadly I had not been for many many years. Yes, I was always there, and generally kind/loving/supportive of them all but in a sad sort of clown way....(I realized in retrospect).
Early weeks were really tough not so much from quitting alcohol (it was brutal, obviously) but more from the terrible sense that I had lost so many opportunities in the first 16 years of my children's lives....and left my wife with a husband who was dishonest and loving only really in half measures.
As time passes though I am learning to forgive myself, move forward and enjoy what I do have.
These days my mind doesn't waste my time rationalizing the idea of drinking. I find no romance in thinking back on my drinking days and feel only disgust at the idea of tying one on. With so much time available free of that struggle I have begun to realize how incredibly wonderful it is to just be present, to just experience each day with my family, my friends and colleagues truly able to focus on the conversation, nimble enough to handle changes to schedule because I don't have a secret agenda to carry out by a certain time, and free of the terrible cat and mouse game of hiding my secret.
I, like most people, have always cared about others and wanted to be a genuine person but I always liked my addiction more. What a waste.
I'll go home tonight and help my twins research colleges that interest them, we'll eat, I'll take care of things that need taken care of and I'll remember it all tomorrow.
What a gift.