ScottFromWI

None of the problems you describe will go away even if you keep driving to South America. And taking a Valium "to sleep" would be a colossally bad decision. Your addiction is screaming at you right now and you are setting yourself up to use your family, job and health as excuse to use.

thomas11

You might be right, but I doubt it.

StayStrong33

Beware of resentments, they will destroy your happiness if not dealt with. I spent many days drinking AT people who pissed me off. But not only drinking, I spent many hours stirring in anger, talking ****, and fantasizing about revenge. I'll show them! Just as miserable as drinking anyhow. I think it's great that you're not drinking but give recovery a try.

thomas11

BTW, alcohol is not the driving force. Anger is.

Venecia

Jeff, the best thing I can offer to you right now is the suggestion that you get some sleep. Your posts have the hallmarks of exhaustion. And we all know that 'tired' is one of our vulnerable areas.

Those of us in the Upper Midwest understand that it's not easy when it's like this outside. I'm sure that contributes to your angst.

But you know what? Running away from everything didn't help us when we were little. It doesn't help us now.

Prioritize. Get better first. It sounds like a trip to the doctor may be in order. Although antibiotics aren't prescribed as loosely as they once were, they may be in order for you. Physically, it sounds like you're just beat.

How 'bout after you recover from pneumonia you think about counseling. You've carried some heavy burdens on your shoulders. The difficult decision to close a business. The family concerns. Emerging from addiction.

You don't have to carry this all on your own shoulders. In fact, you shouldn't. I hope that counseling is a next step for you.

Your friend,
Ven

ScottFromWI

Does it really matter? . It's driving you to make poor decisions and run away from your problems rather than face them. Take a step back and think this through logically. Take some deep breaths and just sit for a while. Is getting high and then skipping town with a bag full of drugs a good solution to anything? You know exactly where you will end up, and the physical location is kind of irrelevant.

Marcher13

Jeff what's going on? In your OP you wrote out some feelings, expressed general satisfaction with your relationships and some frustration with your health. Now you are wanting to drive to Florida because you're angry and fed up?

Given your pneumonia and the forecast weather in your part of the world that makes about as much sense as an ashtray on a motor bike.

You are not going to regain your full health in five minutes but it will be yours again in time. You have an appointment with your "head hunter" tomorrow/today.

A warm shower and sleep will make you feel like a new person.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Really.

Dee74

I'm really sorry you still don't get this Jeff.

Anger, fear, pride, self pity...all those roads lead to Rome...and Rome in this case is your AV.

If drinking is the fire, what you're doing now is stoking up the boiler.

I'm not saying you're going to drink...I can;t know that, and it's my hope you don't let yourself go there...

but all this stuff is connected - and you need to see that (and accept it) in order to divorce yourself from your AV once and for all and stay one step ahead.

Swing at me if you like, but I really think you're as addicted to righteous anger as anything else.

D

letitgo

Its a tough time of year. Holidays over, bad weather, sickness, family issues, work issues and short days.
Are you being selfish? Maybe a little but you need to take care of yourself Jeff. Maybe try and rest and heal first. Its good you acknowledge why you are upset but try not to act out irrationally like starting an email firestorm like last week with your brother in law. You already blocke your mother on Facebook.
Would you really feel better running away from all of your problems? Some days I think I would. Get some rest and analyze the situation when you calm done. If you tapering pain meds this can be affecting your mood also. I am sure everything will work out.

thomas11

Sorry to disappoint Dee, I did drink. But it does not interfere with my true feelings regarding this issue. Its bad, its unhealthy. What I like about this forum is that most people in sobriety are mature thinking adults. It helps. Just when I think I get on the right path, I step into some dog***t like my own mother and it sends me to the moon. I had a pretty good conversation with my Mom's sister tonight and she told me some positive things, and I hope this never happens again.
But, at the end of the day, if I'm in Tennessee tomorrow on my way to Fort Myers, I will check in.

ScottFromWI

Are you still drinking? I have to say I suspected it by the tone of your posts tonight. Can you get some rest before making any more decisions that you might really regret tomorrow?

thomas11

I am done drinking, on my way to bed. Better decisions will be made in the next 8 hrs. Emotions are a b*tch. And I had them, bad. Its my own mother after all. Kinda sick if I really think about it.

Maffers

I think drinking has impacted your thinking ability. Changing location isn't the way to handle this, it's simply running away, yet with the problem. I would say get a good night sleep, get rid of all alcohol you have down the drain. Clear your head first before making any rash decisions. I seriously think driving in your current head state is a REAL bad idea for such a long trip.

Dee74

I like to hope for the best - but I can't deny I heard a voice from you I hadn't heard for a while Jeff, so I kinda figured.

The bottom line is no amount of drinking or running away will change other people Jeff.

The best we can hope for is to change ourselves.

If you're screaming at the screen now wondering why you have to change, it's because this anger will consume you if you don't.

D

Delilah1

I hope you still make it to your meeting with your headhunter tomorrow, that may help to reset your mindset. Good luck with your meeting/job search.

Alegresempre

I agree doggonecarl, the most important decision is sobriety, everything else is second.

chrcarlson

Thomas,

I'm 53 and got a second chance at a career last month. Could be very lucrative. I had a second chance when I was 45- made close to well a lot of cash. Started life as an Environmental Consultant in 1988. Tired a few other career paths, some worked out some didn't. You must be a lot older than me if ya got only One shot left in you Last months opportunity would not have happened if I didn't quit drinking Dec 9.

My dad told me "once in a lifetime opportunities come around about every ten years." He's even old than me so i guess he knows.

Cheers

paddyjnr1

Tried and tested by me, never worked in fact it got worse because I didn't have to hide the drinking from anyone..
Whats the first thing you will meet when you get off the airplane???

Answer: Your own head and that's where the problem lies..
take care and i hope you make the right decision...

teatreeoil007

Good writing Thomas!

Meraviglioso

Jeff, I'm sorry to hear that you drank. My guess is that it did nothing to help in the long term- your problems are still there.
Your posts were getting a bit irrational. First you said things were going ok with many of your relationships and then a few posts later you are ready to leave your wife in the middle of the night.
There is nothing rude or selfish about taking some time out for yourself, staying in bed, healing from pneumonia, getting in a good spot mentally. There are a lot of things rude and selfish about leaving your wife in the middle of the night with no warning or explanation. I get that you are angry, but try to handle this maturely.
You will get little sympathy from those close to you if you continue to wave your self-righteous flag and bang on about how everyone is out to get you while treating those around you so disrespectfully. If however you conduct yourself in a mature, level headed way you probably will get the sympathy and support you need. You can throw blame around all day long, but until you address your part in this you won't make much forward progress.
This needs to be my signature, because I post it all the time: "male non fare, paura non avere" Don't do anything wrong and you have nothing to fear.
We are here for you Jeff, I'm glad you posted. But you need to work on your anger and resentment issues, we can't do that for you.