New and need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1
New and need help
Dear Friends
I am new here, and I joined because I know I have a problem with alcohol. Wine in particular.
I am degree educated, good job, my own home; but I am going downhill due to the amount of wine I drink. I thought I had a handle on it, I thought I could manage, but I can't.
I am a single mum to my little girl, and she is my world. My first daughter died to stillbirth, and when my second daughter arrived I was overjoyed, also overwhelmed. My relationship suffered as a result of everything. I had PND, also grief after losing my first child, and things spiralled out of control.
I hate who I am now. I am always determined to change, but somehow, despite how I feel, I can not. I am at my wits end with it. I want to stop. Completely. But I don't know how.
I have tried countless times. I have made so many promises to myself. I have looked at my daughter with utter shame and guilt, yet I continue on this disgusting, destructive path.
I want out!!! And I hope this can help somehow...
I am new here, and I joined because I know I have a problem with alcohol. Wine in particular.
I am degree educated, good job, my own home; but I am going downhill due to the amount of wine I drink. I thought I had a handle on it, I thought I could manage, but I can't.
I am a single mum to my little girl, and she is my world. My first daughter died to stillbirth, and when my second daughter arrived I was overjoyed, also overwhelmed. My relationship suffered as a result of everything. I had PND, also grief after losing my first child, and things spiralled out of control.
I hate who I am now. I am always determined to change, but somehow, despite how I feel, I can not. I am at my wits end with it. I want to stop. Completely. But I don't know how.
I have tried countless times. I have made so many promises to myself. I have looked at my daughter with utter shame and guilt, yet I continue on this disgusting, destructive path.
I want out!!! And I hope this can help somehow...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Ellabelle 
Dear Friends
I am new here, and I joined because I know I have a problem with alcohol. Wine in particular.
I am degree educated, good job, my own home; but I am going downhill due to the amount of wine I drink. I thought I had a handle on it, I thought I could manage, but I can't.
I am a single mum to my little girl, and she is my world. My first daughter died to stillbirth, and when my second daughter arrived I was overjoyed, also overwhelmed. My relationship suffered as a result of everything. I had PND, also grief after losing my first child, and things spiralled out of control.
I hate who I am now. I am always determined to change, but somehow, despite how I feel, I can not. I am at my wits end with it. I want to stop. Completely. But I don't know how.
I have tried countless times. I have made so many promises to myself. I have looked at my daughter with utter shame and guilt, yet I continue on this disgusting, destructive path.
I want out!!! And I hope this can help somehow...
I am new here, and I joined because I know I have a problem with alcohol. Wine in particular.
I am degree educated, good job, my own home; but I am going downhill due to the amount of wine I drink. I thought I had a handle on it, I thought I could manage, but I can't.
I am a single mum to my little girl, and she is my world. My first daughter died to stillbirth, and when my second daughter arrived I was overjoyed, also overwhelmed. My relationship suffered as a result of everything. I had PND, also grief after losing my first child, and things spiralled out of control.
I hate who I am now. I am always determined to change, but somehow, despite how I feel, I can not. I am at my wits end with it. I want to stop. Completely. But I don't know how.
I have tried countless times. I have made so many promises to myself. I have looked at my daughter with utter shame and guilt, yet I continue on this disgusting, destructive path.
I want out!!! And I hope this can help somehow...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
Welcome to SR, Ellabelle; so glad you found us.
Have a look around the site, giving special to the Stickies at the top of each forum.
You may want to consider joining an SR class and stopping into the 24 Hour Recovery connection thread.
I'll post the links in a few minutes.
Have a look around the site, giving special to the Stickies at the top of each forum.
You may want to consider joining an SR class and stopping into the 24 Hour Recovery connection thread.
I'll post the links in a few minutes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
Here are the links, Ellabelle:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-100-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s+january+2016
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-100-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s+january+2016
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, Ellabelle,
and congratulations on joining. reaching out and asking for help.
connecting with others was one of the things i did differently this time from all my previous attempts, and it's made a huge difference.
degrees and home ownership are certainly not a safe-guard, as you now know. there is still that image lingering of "who, me???" in comparison with bums under bridges, bottles in brown bags.
look around, read lots, see what different paths people are following, see who seems to have "what you want" and if you're willing to do what they did.
no matter what that is, it will include not drinking. if you want to be done completely.
it's obvious, i know, but bears repeating: there's just no way to be done completely and still drink.
hope you'll stick around.
and congratulations on joining. reaching out and asking for help.
connecting with others was one of the things i did differently this time from all my previous attempts, and it's made a huge difference.
degrees and home ownership are certainly not a safe-guard, as you now know. there is still that image lingering of "who, me???" in comparison with bums under bridges, bottles in brown bags.
look around, read lots, see what different paths people are following, see who seems to have "what you want" and if you're willing to do what they did.
no matter what that is, it will include not drinking. if you want to be done completely.
it's obvious, i know, but bears repeating: there's just no way to be done completely and still drink.
hope you'll stick around.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family. 
I also felt ashamed of myself for what I put on my kids. 
But with time, I have rebuilt our relationships even better than they were.
I'd start by asking your doctor for help in getting safely thru withdrawal. Then just don't drink. Change your routine, if you can. Keep non alcoholic drinks handy. Candy and chocolate seem to be a good substitute for the sugar we were getting from alcohol.
And come here often. Post when you get the urge to drink. Post instead.
I'm glad you joined us.
I also felt ashamed of myself for what I put on my kids. 
But with time, I have rebuilt our relationships even better than they were.I'd start by asking your doctor for help in getting safely thru withdrawal. Then just don't drink. Change your routine, if you can. Keep non alcoholic drinks handy. Candy and chocolate seem to be a good substitute for the sugar we were getting from alcohol.
And come here often. Post when you get the urge to drink. Post instead.
I'm glad you joined us.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Ellabelle,
Welcome and please know that shame and self-loathing are part of alcoholism. This disease will rob you of everything you value and then some. But, you are not alone and there is lots of support here. It's a good idea to come up with a plan to help you recover and keep reading and posting.
Welcome and please know that shame and self-loathing are part of alcoholism. This disease will rob you of everything you value and then some. But, you are not alone and there is lots of support here. It's a good idea to come up with a plan to help you recover and keep reading and posting.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Welcome, Ellabelle. Build a plan including the determination to not drink, a support network whether group or informally through friends (or both!), a pathway to discover why you are turning to intoxication, and contingency plans for emergencies -- because temptation will arise.
The January club thread has already been linked. You will find friendship and support there.
Best of luck, and more importantly, strength.
The January club thread has already been linked. You will find friendship and support there.
Best of luck, and more importantly, strength.
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Welcome Elle Hugs!
Stick close to this site.
In the beginning it may seem like nothing is improving BUT if you keep going every day you will learn new things about yourself and recovery.
Things will start to click as long as you don't drink
There is tons of wisdom around here. I hope you take a look around and stick around
Hugs!Stick close to this site.
In the beginning it may seem like nothing is improving BUT if you keep going every day you will learn new things about yourself and recovery.
Things will start to click as long as you don't drink
There is tons of wisdom around here. I hope you take a look around and stick around
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Welcome. I am happy for you. Your life is going to get a whole lot better with not drinking. It may be hard but it is defiantly better. Lots of us have been where you are, share your pain and fear with us. As a group we can support one another. Sending you hope. John
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,522
Welcome Ellabelle. It's so good to have you with us. You never have to feel alone.
You sound disgusted and fed up - that's a good thing. I had to reach that point before I could get serious about stopping. We know you can get free and have a great life.
You sound disgusted and fed up - that's a good thing. I had to reach that point before I could get serious about stopping. We know you can get free and have a great life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 515
Welcome Ellabelle - my sympathy for your first born. That has to be very very hard.
Lots of good advice on here already. We have a saying around here to "play the tape through".
In other words, imagine drinking from start to finish. You start off glamorizing a couple glasses of wine. In reality, those couple glasses turn into a couple bottles of wine! Next thing you know, you don't remember going to sleep, who you texted or talked to the previous night, have a terrible hangover, skip family necessities, etc.
You wake up thinking, "I did it again dam it!"
I also like to "play the positive tape through". You don't drink, you remember everything and wake up hangover free, etc. etc etc Your daughter picks up on that drunkenness I'm sure you know too. She also is learning by example. Nobody wants to instill this nonsense in our child.
There are lots of very intelligent people on this site. There's so much good advice here. Read lots on this site.
I'm just getting into mindfulness. Google or Utube mindfulness, mind-body relaxation and meditation. I'm super surprised how much this relaxes me and helps me stop drinking.
I'm in the January class. Fairly new at committing. Come join us.
Welcome aboard. You can do this. I didn't think I could either.
Best wishes.
Olivia
Lots of good advice on here already. We have a saying around here to "play the tape through".
In other words, imagine drinking from start to finish. You start off glamorizing a couple glasses of wine. In reality, those couple glasses turn into a couple bottles of wine! Next thing you know, you don't remember going to sleep, who you texted or talked to the previous night, have a terrible hangover, skip family necessities, etc.
You wake up thinking, "I did it again dam it!"
I also like to "play the positive tape through". You don't drink, you remember everything and wake up hangover free, etc. etc etc Your daughter picks up on that drunkenness I'm sure you know too. She also is learning by example. Nobody wants to instill this nonsense in our child.
There are lots of very intelligent people on this site. There's so much good advice here. Read lots on this site.
I'm just getting into mindfulness. Google or Utube mindfulness, mind-body relaxation and meditation. I'm super surprised how much this relaxes me and helps me stop drinking.
I'm in the January class. Fairly new at committing. Come join us.
Welcome aboard. You can do this. I didn't think I could either.
Best wishes.
Olivia
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Ellabelle,
Though what caused you to go into your spiral is different than what sent me there, both came from a place of deep hurt. You know now that drinking doesn't remove the hurt; at best it puts it on hold while introducing other problems.
Please believe that you can do this - there are so many people here that are a testament to this. Like others have said, a good place is to read to find out what has helped (and harmed) other people. And don't hesitate to post at any time.
Welcome! Stick around.
Though what caused you to go into your spiral is different than what sent me there, both came from a place of deep hurt. You know now that drinking doesn't remove the hurt; at best it puts it on hold while introducing other problems.
Please believe that you can do this - there are so many people here that are a testament to this. Like others have said, a good place is to read to find out what has helped (and harmed) other people. And don't hesitate to post at any time.
Welcome! Stick around.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I can relate 100% to the shame and guilt of being a parent with a drinking problem. It's terrible. One of the most freeing things about sobriety for me has been not having to live with that guilt. You can do this, and it's worth it. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I am so sorry for you loss -- I cannot imagine.
I can only echo what others have said.
Your daughter is young, mine is not, and had to suffer through this with me for too long.
Don't do that to either of you.
Good luck -- it will be very hard, but very worth it.
Hang in there.
I can only echo what others have said.
Your daughter is young, mine is not, and had to suffer through this with me for too long.
Don't do that to either of you.
Good luck -- it will be very hard, but very worth it.
Hang in there.
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