When and how did you get your Confidence and self worth back??
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
When and how did you get your Confidence and self worth back??
My confidence and self worth are low especially now that I stopped drinking.
I would never want to go back to drinking, though!! I was just running from issues.
I'm sorting through things in therapy and have been a few years.
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
I would never want to go back to drinking, though!! I was just running from issues.
I'm sorting through things in therapy and have been a few years.
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
Last edited by SportsFan15; 01-16-2016 at 07:36 PM. Reason: Forgot to finish
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
For me when I reached out for the help I needed, added to my plan and went to all lengths to keep this AV under wraps. Early recovery is rough, for me I am putting just about every ounce of energy I have into getting the help I should have received a very long time ago. I won't beat myself up as the past has been written and tomorrow is within my control if I stick to my plan. The moment I focus on the past unless in the presence of a health care professional, I am screwed, I know that so I don't go there unless I am with them. When not I attend meetings in person and online, stay close to this forum as I am a firm believer in RR and it's working for me.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
Wishing you the best
Andrew
Last edited by ALinNS; 01-16-2016 at 07:49 PM. Reason: typo
because I'm struggling with that a lot lately too.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
My confidence/self-esteem need a little work as well. I'm setting some goals in those areas in my recovery plan. Once I start making progress toward my business, financial, fitness, and social goals, I'm pretty sure I'll start walking with my head a little higher.
Would something like that help you? Set some small goals and start seeing progress toward them?
Would something like that help you? Set some small goals and start seeing progress toward them?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
Originally Posted by SportsFan15 
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit?
When did this return
and how did you get it back?
Nice to see you again, Sportsfan. :-)
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
I had a sober night in December when, looking back on the way I had been to the people I love, I despised that person, hated him. What I didn't understand was that that person -- me, the old me -- wasn't really here any more.
And the farther I get into sobriety, the more I understand about myself, the more I realize that I have to self-examine all my behaviors, not because it's good to be hyper-critical (don't practice that!) but because honesty begins at home, too. Mote, beam, and all that. But -- the farther I get into my recovery, the more I realize that while it's to dislike the person you once were, there's no point to being angry at that person, much less hating him.
In short: my self-esteem is much better now; I'm resilient enough to criticize myself much more harshly than anyone else does.
And the farther I get into sobriety, the more I understand about myself, the more I realize that I have to self-examine all my behaviors, not because it's good to be hyper-critical (don't practice that!) but because honesty begins at home, too. Mote, beam, and all that. But -- the farther I get into my recovery, the more I realize that while it's to dislike the person you once were, there's no point to being angry at that person, much less hating him.
In short: my self-esteem is much better now; I'm resilient enough to criticize myself much more harshly than anyone else does.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I had to really work on my life when I quit drinking, mere abstinence was only half the story.
Though I had to sit down and really think about what I wanted to do, new hobbies,, new interests, new projects, new goals, all of theses things started to increase my confidence and self worth, eventually I was good at something again, rather than the destructive chaos that alcohol created in my life.
Hang in there, with time it will get better!!
Though I had to sit down and really think about what I wanted to do, new hobbies,, new interests, new projects, new goals, all of theses things started to increase my confidence and self worth, eventually I was good at something again, rather than the destructive chaos that alcohol created in my life.
Hang in there, with time it will get better!!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Originally Posted by SportsFan15
My confidence and self worth are low especially now that I stopped drinking.
I would never want to go back to drinking, though!! I was just running from issues.
I'm sorting through things in therapy and have been a few years.
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
I would never want to go back to drinking, though!! I was just running from issues.
I'm sorting through things in therapy and have been a few years.
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Service work really helped me - volunteering etc.
I had no faith in my self or my abilities after 20 years drinking
Doing good and helping others made me feel helpful and useful.
Solving problems sober gave me more confidence in may abilities and helped me grow a little.
All that kinda stuff gave the self hatred less traction
D
I had no faith in my self or my abilities after 20 years drinking
Doing good and helping others made me feel helpful and useful.
Solving problems sober gave me more confidence in may abilities and helped me grow a little.
All that kinda stuff gave the self hatred less traction
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
I won't go into detail but my confidence, self worth, every inch of my being took a major blow and lasted for many years. I'm just now starting to get it back. I drank to numb all of it, turns out I was drinking away the good too.....sigh
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
I often think my drinking was mostly about an effort to escape chronic low confidence and low self-worth. During the time alcohol still worked for me, it loosened my extreme inhibitions and gave me artificial confidence. Of course, in the long run, it relentlessly stole away exactly what I thought it was giving me.
As for when things started to get better, it took a while. My confidence is still by no means secure. I have periods when I feel what I like to call the "Three Ns" — iNcompetent, iNadequate, iNferior — but overall things are slowly getting better. No matter how dark things got, I hung onto the knowledge that drinking would only make them worse.
As for how, early in recovery someone told me "in order to feel self-esteem, be esteemable." Part of my work in sobriety has been to try to live in accordance with the principles underlying AA's 12 Steps, which boil down (at least superficially) to a constant effort to "do the next right thing."
I also recognize that feelings aren't facts, and even though I may feel low about myself, I can at least try not to believe the feelings.
Lastly, you don't mention how long you've been sober, but I know that for me at least, it took a while for my brain chemistry itself to settle down and stabilize after I quit drinking. The phrase "emotional roller coaster" is used often, and while my roller coaster didn't have many highs, it certainly had plenty of lows in early sobriety.
As for when things started to get better, it took a while. My confidence is still by no means secure. I have periods when I feel what I like to call the "Three Ns" — iNcompetent, iNadequate, iNferior — but overall things are slowly getting better. No matter how dark things got, I hung onto the knowledge that drinking would only make them worse.
As for how, early in recovery someone told me "in order to feel self-esteem, be esteemable." Part of my work in sobriety has been to try to live in accordance with the principles underlying AA's 12 Steps, which boil down (at least superficially) to a constant effort to "do the next right thing."
I also recognize that feelings aren't facts, and even though I may feel low about myself, I can at least try not to believe the feelings.
Lastly, you don't mention how long you've been sober, but I know that for me at least, it took a while for my brain chemistry itself to settle down and stabilize after I quit drinking. The phrase "emotional roller coaster" is used often, and while my roller coaster didn't have many highs, it certainly had plenty of lows in early sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I still struggle with this sometimes mainly around certain individuals generally i'll remind myself I dont need there approval etc..
But overall its improved. I started little by little doing things i was good at and doing them again and again and again because it helped me feel better abut myself and like iw as at least good for something.
So for me it was getting involved in a hobby of sorts or some kind of activity and just making sure I do it daily or so. all the while reminding myself that i'm worth something and not to allow others make me feel otherwise.
Not to long ago I was around someone who was one of those someones where it can still be hard for me. They made one of there usual digs at me. I laughed in my head and thought you didnt just do tht did you? I proceded to explain to the person that they where wrong. I did my best to not allow it to get to me and move on. BUt it was like ya know some people will never change But I dont have to allow it to make me feel like crap.
But overall its improved. I started little by little doing things i was good at and doing them again and again and again because it helped me feel better abut myself and like iw as at least good for something.
So for me it was getting involved in a hobby of sorts or some kind of activity and just making sure I do it daily or so. all the while reminding myself that i'm worth something and not to allow others make me feel otherwise.
Not to long ago I was around someone who was one of those someones where it can still be hard for me. They made one of there usual digs at me. I laughed in my head and thought you didnt just do tht did you? I proceded to explain to the person that they where wrong. I did my best to not allow it to get to me and move on. BUt it was like ya know some people will never change But I dont have to allow it to make me feel like crap.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by SportsFan15
I'm sorting through things in therapy and have been a few years.
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
But has anyone else suffered from low confidence and self worth after you quit? When did this return and how did you get it back?
For decades, my self confidence and worth came in part from a bottle, from drugs, from the distortion that they gave me.
When I was no longer 'protected' from my own feelings by drugs and alcohol, I needed to face them and work on them. That took time, but in sobriety I was able to be honest with myself and with my therapist and begin to understand the root of my personal beliefs and challenges.
It takes time, it takes honesty, it takes patience and change. It is infinitely better than the false security of alcohol and it is all worth it.
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