Why I Didn't Quit Immediately
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Why I Didn't Quit Immediately
Hi everyone! We often hear from folks who are planning to quit at some future date. Generally, the advice is "Don't wait. Do it now." That's great advice because as we all know, it's far too easy to kick this can down the road a few more days, or until after the holiday, etc.
I followed the contrarian path, setting a "quit date" in advance, and it's working well for me. I'm on Day 7 of sobriety, feeling great, sleeping well, and have a much clearer plan and stronger commitment to sobriety than on my previous two attempts where I "quit immediately."
My reason for setting an advance date was that I was seeking professional help for my detox/recovery and my start date was a few weeks out.
But it also had some other great benefits that are helping me:
I DID NOT do a final binge. In fact, I gently cut back on my intake to make the quit date less dangerous.
My advice is, if you're going to set an advance quit date, make it a FIRM DATE -- no rescheduling it, no excuses. DO NOT use the time to exacerbate the harm you've done yourself with a final, wild binge. Use the time between now and then to prepare, just as if you were planning to launch a military attack on an enemy.
Please promise me, no "kicking the can down the road." Hugs to all!
I followed the contrarian path, setting a "quit date" in advance, and it's working well for me. I'm on Day 7 of sobriety, feeling great, sleeping well, and have a much clearer plan and stronger commitment to sobriety than on my previous two attempts where I "quit immediately."
My reason for setting an advance date was that I was seeking professional help for my detox/recovery and my start date was a few weeks out.
But it also had some other great benefits that are helping me:
- It gave me time to plan. I made some tweaks to my personal and work schedule so I'd have time to recover, and let a few trusted people know what I was doing so they could support me.
- It gave me to time to become more educated. I read extensively and dove deep into YouTube to learn about the severe health consequences of alcoholism, and what kind of death I'd be facing if I didn't quit. I spent even more time learning about the beautiful benefits of giving up drinking. If anyone PMs me, I'll send some links.
- It gave me an opportunity to plan for withdrawals -- how to avoid a seizure, how to cope with insomnia, etc.
- It gave me a chance to say good-bye to drinking buddies, and let them know that our relationship must either change or end. (Most threw their support behind me, and a few are planning to follow suit!)
- It gave me time to sort through some emotions about "giving up my best friend" -- alcohol.
I DID NOT do a final binge. In fact, I gently cut back on my intake to make the quit date less dangerous.
My advice is, if you're going to set an advance quit date, make it a FIRM DATE -- no rescheduling it, no excuses. DO NOT use the time to exacerbate the harm you've done yourself with a final, wild binge. Use the time between now and then to prepare, just as if you were planning to launch a military attack on an enemy.
Please promise me, no "kicking the can down the road." Hugs to all!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Great post!! 
Yeah I think it's all in the intentions, going into detox, one of the few examples I've read were that was the case, compared with the majority usually being after one last binge at the weekend or a social event, I'll start after New Years, after Xmas, after my birthday, I'm getting married, I have a stag party to attend etc, the list goes on!!
The question is always are we in the mind frame of recovery, or still in the mind frame of addiction? and wanting one last binge is still playing into the hands of alcohol, as it's creating hurdles and dangerously reaffirming that we need alcohol to get through these specific occasions.
You on the other hand made Sobriety happen SiS!!
Yeah I think it's all in the intentions, going into detox, one of the few examples I've read were that was the case, compared with the majority usually being after one last binge at the weekend or a social event, I'll start after New Years, after Xmas, after my birthday, I'm getting married, I have a stag party to attend etc, the list goes on!!
The question is always are we in the mind frame of recovery, or still in the mind frame of addiction? and wanting one last binge is still playing into the hands of alcohol, as it's creating hurdles and dangerously reaffirming that we need alcohol to get through these specific occasions.
You on the other hand made Sobriety happen SiS!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 214
Setting a quit date sometime in the future works for some but it is indeed a gamble. However, having something to hold you accountable such as detox, rehab, etc is much different than planning to quit "on Monday". I could make a list of people who planned to quit and encountered another rock bottom while their date approached. We aren't promised anything but today and today will always be the best day to quit in my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
I admire your intentionality and the manner you approached it. No last hurrah, just preparing your mind and body. When counseling, I always remembered to meet people where they were, and it sounds like you thought it through.
I also believe that people are the best experts on themselves, with the caveat that alcohol sometimes robs us of the ability to see things clearly. We all have our own path, and if you can see the path (as you did), well then that is pretty good.
I also believe that people are the best experts on themselves, with the caveat that alcohol sometimes robs us of the ability to see things clearly. We all have our own path, and if you can see the path (as you did), well then that is pretty good.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm the other side of the coin.
I set many many quit dates over the years - and drank through them all.
The only way I could begin was 'quit today'.
I was genuine with my desire to quit but ingesting alcohol also change me - after the first drink I was someone else with different priorities.
If I gave myself time to wriggle out of my good intent I would.
I am glad it has worked for you SiS and I understand your post in that light - but I think it can be a dangerous path for others, and we should post accordingly.
D
I set many many quit dates over the years - and drank through them all.
The only way I could begin was 'quit today'.
I was genuine with my desire to quit but ingesting alcohol also change me - after the first drink I was someone else with different priorities.
If I gave myself time to wriggle out of my good intent I would.
I am glad it has worked for you SiS and I understand your post in that light - but I think it can be a dangerous path for others, and we should post accordingly.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm the other side of the coin.
I set many many quit dates over the years - and drank through them all.
The only way I could begin was 'quit today'.
I was genuine with my desire to quit but ingesting alcohol also change me - after the first drink I was someone else with different priorities.
If I gave myself time to wriggle out of my good intent I would.
I am glad it has worked for you SiS and I understand your post in that light - but I think it can be a dangerous path for others, and we should post accordingly.
D
I set many many quit dates over the years - and drank through them all.
The only way I could begin was 'quit today'.
I was genuine with my desire to quit but ingesting alcohol also change me - after the first drink I was someone else with different priorities.
If I gave myself time to wriggle out of my good intent I would.
I am glad it has worked for you SiS and I understand your post in that light - but I think it can be a dangerous path for others, and we should post accordingly.
D
We have to write our own stories, and yes, delays can stop one from writing a new sober narrative.
Seems to be my thing lately, but I also think there is something to being prepared for what your body might encounter with a cold stop. Before I went to detox, they told me not to stop drinking until I got there. I thought that was batsh.t crazy. Then saw people who were in full blown dts and had to leave the ward for the ICU because they didn't have medical attention for the three days before they got there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think we'd be a vastly inferior forum if I was not allowed to share my experience just as you and SiS and everyone else here is free to share theirs C4G
The wide spread of experience is what makes SR great.
I wouldn't bother sharing something if I didn't think it was important.
Setting future dates, for me, was a way of placating my inner addict, putting off something I found terrifying, and kept me in the cycle.
D
The wide spread of experience is what makes SR great.
I wouldn't bother sharing something if I didn't think it was important.
Setting future dates, for me, was a way of placating my inner addict, putting off something I found terrifying, and kept me in the cycle.
D
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
I can see both sides of the coin here. And while it is good to be prepared and do things in an orderly fashion, and this often entails advance planning (especially where medical complications may arise), the typical mindset of addiction is that even though one knows in the back of their mind they have a serious problem, they put off the "evil day" of quitting repeatedly, maybe even for decades or forever. So yes, fighting against the procrastination is really of utmost importance here. I.e., do it now!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think we'd be a vastly inferior forum if I was not allowed to share my experience just as you and SiS and everyone else here is free to share theirs C4G
The wide spread of experience is what makes SR great.
I wouldn't bother sharing something if I didn't think it was important.
Setting future dates, for me, was a way of placating my inner addict, putting off something I found terrifying, and kept me in the cycle.
D
The wide spread of experience is what makes SR great.
I wouldn't bother sharing something if I didn't think it was important.
Setting future dates, for me, was a way of placating my inner addict, putting off something I found terrifying, and kept me in the cycle.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I remember we have had the "taper" debate many times here.
I don't see what SinS did as a classic taper, however. . .
She had booked into a detox already (and I presume laid some money down)
and was given a taper schedule to follow prior to checking in.
That is very different than doing it on your own with no official "Q" day looming.
I think it took a great deal of personal discipline to follow the taper, but it sounds
like this wasn't SinS's first rodeo--she had tried and failed at treatment before,
and had significant health a personal reasons to make this work.
Not all SR readers really "get" that this can literally be a life and death issue.
I think she does understand that from her previous personal experience.
Every single person has their own way to climb the mountain,
and as long as you get to the top, fair play to you.
I was a "quit now no treatment no time off work or saying goodbye to anything"
but that's just how I roll.
Many folks really benefit from the AA 90 in 90 or other face-to-face.
I respect whatever works.
One thing that never seems to work is thinking you have the problem licked
after months, years of sobriety and that means you can "moderate".
I just didn't have the money, time, or patience to do it the long way, but it got done.
I've been on this list several years and seen many people quit successfully, and others continually relapse or vanish.
I don't know in the end what the X factors are for staying quit,
but I think for me it was a inside job.
I knew in my heart I had to be done or else. . .
I don't see what SinS did as a classic taper, however. . .
She had booked into a detox already (and I presume laid some money down)
and was given a taper schedule to follow prior to checking in.
That is very different than doing it on your own with no official "Q" day looming.
I think it took a great deal of personal discipline to follow the taper, but it sounds
like this wasn't SinS's first rodeo--she had tried and failed at treatment before,
and had significant health a personal reasons to make this work.
Not all SR readers really "get" that this can literally be a life and death issue.
I think she does understand that from her previous personal experience.
Every single person has their own way to climb the mountain,
and as long as you get to the top, fair play to you.
I was a "quit now no treatment no time off work or saying goodbye to anything"
but that's just how I roll.
Many folks really benefit from the AA 90 in 90 or other face-to-face.
I respect whatever works.
One thing that never seems to work is thinking you have the problem licked
after months, years of sobriety and that means you can "moderate".
I just didn't have the money, time, or patience to do it the long way, but it got done.
I've been on this list several years and seen many people quit successfully, and others continually relapse or vanish.
I don't know in the end what the X factors are for staying quit,
but I think for me it was a inside job.
I knew in my heart I had to be done or else. . .
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I understand what SiS is saying here, and I also see both sides. I have done the 'quit today, quit right now' and I do believe that is probably the best way to go. No procrastinating, no 'placating your inner addict' (I love that description), no excuses, just do it. I have done that with some success but struggled because of the withdrawals, which always sent me back to drinking even though I didn't want to.
I am sober now and got here after about a week of gradually cutting back to avoid the withdrawals. It was not easy, however. We all know that the first drink is the problem, and that's what makes tapering a real gamble. For most of us, it's the first drink that sets the whole cycle into motion again, which is why tapering doesn't work for most people. In my case, I had had enough misery, enough sickness, enough despair that I just wanted it to be over. It took a lot of determination to drink in a controlled manner for that week, but I was in a mindset that I was ready and nothing was going to stop me. It worked this time. For me. But judging from what I've seen here on this forum, I am in the minority.
What works for one may not work for another, but I agree that quitting cold turkey is the best way to go, along with utilizing medical intervention for the detox period so that you aren't tempted to keep drinking in order to avoid the withdrawals. It's all too easy to find reasons to keep drinking and extend that quit date indefinitely, possibly forever. But I'm glad SiS has found what worked for her and wish her all the best.
I am sober now and got here after about a week of gradually cutting back to avoid the withdrawals. It was not easy, however. We all know that the first drink is the problem, and that's what makes tapering a real gamble. For most of us, it's the first drink that sets the whole cycle into motion again, which is why tapering doesn't work for most people. In my case, I had had enough misery, enough sickness, enough despair that I just wanted it to be over. It took a lot of determination to drink in a controlled manner for that week, but I was in a mindset that I was ready and nothing was going to stop me. It worked this time. For me. But judging from what I've seen here on this forum, I am in the minority.
What works for one may not work for another, but I agree that quitting cold turkey is the best way to go, along with utilizing medical intervention for the detox period so that you aren't tempted to keep drinking in order to avoid the withdrawals. It's all too easy to find reasons to keep drinking and extend that quit date indefinitely, possibly forever. But I'm glad SiS has found what worked for her and wish her all the best.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse
Hi everyone! We often hear from folks who are planning to quit at some future date. Generally, the advice is "Don't wait. Do it now." That's great advice because as we all know, it's far too easy to kick this can down the road a few more days, or until after the holiday, etc.
I followed the contrarian path, setting a "quit date" in advance, and it's working well for me. I'm on Day 7 of sobriety, feeling great, sleeping well, and have a much clearer plan and stronger commitment to sobriety than on my previous two attempts where I "quit immediately."
My reason for setting an advance date was that I was seeking professional help for my detox/recovery and my start date was a few weeks out.
But it also had some other great benefits that are helping me:
I DID NOT do a final binge. In fact, I gently cut back on my intake to make the quit date less dangerous.
My advice is, if you're going to set an advance quit date, make it a FIRM DATE -- no rescheduling it, no excuses. DO NOT use the time to exacerbate the harm you've done yourself with a final, wild binge. Use the time between now and then to prepare, just as if you were planning to launch a military attack on an enemy.
Please promise me, no "kicking the can down the road." Hugs to all!
I followed the contrarian path, setting a "quit date" in advance, and it's working well for me. I'm on Day 7 of sobriety, feeling great, sleeping well, and have a much clearer plan and stronger commitment to sobriety than on my previous two attempts where I "quit immediately."
My reason for setting an advance date was that I was seeking professional help for my detox/recovery and my start date was a few weeks out.
But it also had some other great benefits that are helping me:
- It gave me time to plan. I made some tweaks to my personal and work schedule so I'd have time to recover, and let a few trusted people know what I was doing so they could support me.
- It gave me to time to become more educated. I read extensively and dove deep into YouTube to learn about the severe health consequences of alcoholism, and what kind of death I'd be facing if I didn't quit. I spent even more time learning about the beautiful benefits of giving up drinking. If anyone PMs me, I'll send some links.
- It gave me an opportunity to plan for withdrawals -- how to avoid a seizure, how to cope with insomnia, etc.
- It gave me a chance to say good-bye to drinking buddies, and let them know that our relationship must either change or end. (Most threw their support behind me, and a few are planning to follow suit!)
- It gave me time to sort through some emotions about "giving up my best friend" -- alcohol.
I DID NOT do a final binge. In fact, I gently cut back on my intake to make the quit date less dangerous.
My advice is, if you're going to set an advance quit date, make it a FIRM DATE -- no rescheduling it, no excuses. DO NOT use the time to exacerbate the harm you've done yourself with a final, wild binge. Use the time between now and then to prepare, just as if you were planning to launch a military attack on an enemy.
Please promise me, no "kicking the can down the road." Hugs to all!
There's nothing wrong with setting a date and planning your exit. But in the grip of addiction, the temptation to postpone the date is great. To extend your simile, the waffling general postpones the attack to "perfect the preparations" ... by then the enemy is more prepared -- and he may just launch a spoiling attack, too.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus
An acquaintance of mine died nine years ago from quitting without planning.
There's nothing wrong with setting a date and planning your exit. But in the grip of addiction, the temptation to postpone the date is great. To extend your simile, the waffling general postpones the attack to "perfect the preparations" ... by then the enemy is more prepared -- and he may just launch a spoiling attack, too.
There's nothing wrong with setting a date and planning your exit. But in the grip of addiction, the temptation to postpone the date is great. To extend your simile, the waffling general postpones the attack to "perfect the preparations" ... by then the enemy is more prepared -- and he may just launch a spoiling attack, too.
1) It scares me when I read someone has been drinking a half-litre of vodka a day for years and is quitting cold turkey. I wish everyone would consult their doctor rather than inventing their own quit protocols.
2) ABSOLUTELY: A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Recovery is about quality of sobriety and not necessarily length of time sans booze I have witnessed. However, I am more compelled to follow a well worn path - those who have garnered serious sober time than newcomers. Not to say that newcomers experience isn't helpful, but when that experience is coupled with at least a couple years of time unserved there is more credibility for me. All I can tell anyone at this point is how I got to 587 days, that is my limit today.....my experience does not come with a warranty for others and there are no refunds for doing what I did........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
My view is that at the point you realise you have a problem with alcohol and need to stop, then you should immediately take active steps to quit, not decide that you really should quit some day, or decide to do something about it after the playoffs, or the wedding, or the holiday etc.
However, what those active steps are will depend on the severity of your addiction. For many booking an appointment with a doctor to discuss an action plan should be the first step, rather than pouring everything out and going cold turkey, which could work for others.
I actually made the decision to quit a few days after my last drink, and haven't had one in the nearly 8 months since then, but I was a binge drinker, so going a few days without a drink wasn't that unusual. So in that sense quitting wasn't that big a deal. It was the 35 years it took for me to make that decision that was the big deal.
However, what those active steps are will depend on the severity of your addiction. For many booking an appointment with a doctor to discuss an action plan should be the first step, rather than pouring everything out and going cold turkey, which could work for others.
I actually made the decision to quit a few days after my last drink, and haven't had one in the nearly 8 months since then, but I was a binge drinker, so going a few days without a drink wasn't that unusual. So in that sense quitting wasn't that big a deal. It was the 35 years it took for me to make that decision that was the big deal.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Caroline Knapp who authored Drinking: A Love Story did this very thing. She actually went and checked out the rehab she planned to go to a month prior to when she would "check in." Apparently, the rehab people thought this was hilarious as they had never seen someone go about it this way. She even had her "last hurrah" drinks the night before she left for rehab. It worked for Caroline and she stayed sober the rest of her life. What works for some may not work for others.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
SiS, I am very similar. Spontaneity is not my forte'. I am not a control freak, but I need to know what lies ahead of me. Its just the way I am wired. I can not just do pretty much anything without planning ahead of time. My wife...total opposite, loves to "wing it". I guess that's why we compliment each other. Anyway, enjoy your posts and seems like you are doing well. In all fairness, I hope it keeps going because it sounds like prior to your trip, you were not doing very well at all. Best wishes.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by thomas11
SiS, I am very similar. Spontaneity is not my forte'. I am not a control freak, but I need to know what lies ahead of me. Its just the way I am wired. I can not just do pretty much anything without planning ahead of time. My wife...total opposite, loves to "wing it". I guess that's why we compliment each other. Anyway, enjoy your posts and seems like you are doing well. In all fairness, I hope it keeps going because it sounds like prior to your trip, you were not doing very well at all. Best wishes.
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