countrygirl2014

I try to post positive subjects and try to not dwell on my problems but here we go. I have been tired throughout sobriety. I keep all of my feelings inside. It's like I appear happy on the outside but inside is void of any true happiness or feelings. A few weeks ago I started having panic attacks. Now I'm suffering from acid reflux every night. I went to the doc on Monday and they put me on stuff for my tummy and zoloft, an anti anxiety/antidepressant and they set me up with a therapist. Well, I failed my depression screening miserably. I always thought depressed people felt hurt like they want to cry all the time. Apparantly not. I lose interest in things quickly and really just want to sleep all the time. I'm not going to drink over this for the record. Just thought I would share and would like to hear from others who might suffer from depression. Thanks.

Jennifer

Sean30

Thanks Jennifer,

Sorry to hear things have been a struggle. Give the medication a chance and hopefully soon it will help you and balance you out more.
It was good to read that this isn't driving you to drink, that's really positive and shows that you have a lot of strength.

Hang in there, it won't be like this forever

countrygirl2014

Thanks sean...I hope this doesn't last forever. Oh I forgot to mention the hypochondria I have developed. I have to roll my eyes at myself. I have convinced myself I have stomach cancer, brain cancer, thyroid problems, prostate cancer even though I don't believe women can get that, lol. I have to try and make light out of my crazy thinking.

Jennifer

fantail

Hi Jennifer, Sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

I have depression... it started for me in my early teens, which is pretty common.

For me and a lot of people, when it's untreated it comes in waves or cycles every few years. It's often like what you're describing. It happens gradually and I don't notice it, but I stop caring about anything. Nothing holds my attention. And yeah, lots of fatigue. It's only after a while of that that I start getting to the weepy broken place you're thinking of. But in some ways that's not even the depression... it's whatever sane part of me's left reacting to the depression, if that makes sense?

I'm on meds now and it's the best decision I've ever made (OK, quitting drinking was, but you know. it's up there). How are you feeling about all this?

Ruby2

I've been treated for depression in the past. Crying is only one symptom of many. I felt stricken. Like I was in shock all the time. Numb to anything. And very tired. It did eventually pass but it took a bit of time.

I also took Zoloft and it worked for me. Probably would have worked better if I'd not been drinking at the time. Hang in there. I'm sorry you're feeling like it's a struggle.

2ndhandrose

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. Since I stopped drinking the anxiety has decreased but the depression has not.

I have been very reluctant to take pharmaceuticals in the past (despite never having the slightest problem pouring copious amounts of vodka down my throat) but I can't live like this anymore.

I have my AD prescription filled, I guess I will start it this weekend. It is a newer drug, Trintellix, I am very nervous but gonna do it.

I also have the hypochondria convincing me it is any number of things, most recently, thyroid.

Waving the white flag

Dee74

Hi Jennifer

I hope that now they've identified some depression that things will get better from here.

I don't believe depression is any kind of failing, flaw or weakness. We all have our things to deal with and depression is no different

D

countrygirl2014

Thanks everyone for your responses. I have to also remind myself it is winter here and I have a tendency to get down in the winter. I'll go with the flow here and maybe this medicine with the therapy will create a miracle.

Jennifer

countrygirl2014

You and me both! Waving the white flag.

Jennifer

trachemys

Hey CG. Get out of the house. Go for a long walk. Whenever I get down, and I can get clinically down, I force myself out the door. After a mile or two my mood improves. It's the forcing myself out the door that's difficult.

I used to think it was SADS, the seasonal thing, until I started walking. I walk at night if necessary. I have been known to take to the woods at night for a hike.

Hawkeye13

Is your home situation happy and stable?
How about finances and some vacation?
Things we ignored by drinking often come up with sobriety.

What's going on in your life that may need attention now that you
are sober and able to deal with it?

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling good--I also found diet had to adjust for me
Whole, mostly organic food--no processed stuff or sugar, etc.

SillyHuman

Depression sucks. I am so sorry you suffer for it. It is a matter of brain chemistry. Like others said, give the meds and therapy a chance. It usually takes a few weeks for anti-depressants to kick in.

My depression comes with psychotic features, so I get real interesting to be around if I get really down. Meds are the only thing so far that has helped me with that.

Hang it there. We are pulling for you.

countrygirl2014

this is an excellent suggestion. Thank you

Jennifer

trachemys

Wish I could come walk with you.

countrygirl2014

I will be completely honest. I want to go home. Back to jersey where my family is. Im in school here and just about to start a new semester and I finally have a little minimum wage job so no money saved up yet. I moved out here as an active alcoholic trying to escape my unhappiness. It's like I woke up from a 20 year blackout and I want my mommy. I'm out here in bumbledook pennsylvania living with an active alcoholic who has a drinking family and I just have to be patient. I have friends out here, good true friends which is something I've never had back home. I just miss my family. And familiarity. Truth is, I would have never sobered up back home. Not with the encouragement of the so called friends I had

Jennifer

Hawkeye13

So if you are still living with the drinker, and he's still having his periodic rages,
and is drinking as much or more than last time you posted about him,
are you really surprised that you body is reacting to the stress?

Maybe it is time to get back to Jersey and family countrygirl
there is only so much adjustment / detachment that can be made realistically
living with an active addict.
You don't have to live with your old friends and you are much stronger in sobriety now. . .
What is your gut telling you?

trachemys

Go home. As fast as you can.

Thumpalumpacus

Certainly don't share a roof with an active addict. Nothing good comes from that.

PurpleKnight

The important thing Jen is to look after yourself in all of this.

Going to your Dr and even though the screening highlighted the depression it means you know what the situation is, better knowing what we have to deal with rather than the unknown I think.

Hopefully you can keep moving forward!!

Anna

Jennifer, like you, I thought being depressed meant being unable to get out of bed or do anything. Instead, I found it stole all the joy out of my life and left me empty. I'm glad you are being treated and hopefully the depression will ease up.

If you want to move back home, then that should be your goal. It might not be possible at the moment with the school semester starting, but it could be something that is your goal as soon as possible.