Disgraced myself yet again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: kent
Posts: 39
I think its good that your husband understands what you are like when you are drinking too much, I myself do not get that support, so maybe talk to him and ask him to help you, maybe he can take you to these AA meetings, keep strong and be positive, you can do this. I won't sugar coat it - it will be hard, but we are here to help and listen - use us when you need to
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 292
Hi everyone,
So had a chat with the husband on the way home last night about what best to do. Surprisingly, he says he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, more a 'problem binge drinker.'
His view of the alcoholic is someone who is physically dependent on alcohol, drinking daily, getting withdrawals, etc. I can understand why he thinks that. He's an A+E doc and has quite a tough opinion on alcoholics- I can see why, they come into his department and cause lots of problems, they can be violent, they can be messy, and they tells lies. I don't think he wants to associate me with these people he treats.
I myself used to work in A+E and my view was always slightly different when I saw these patients- often their stories were incredibly sad -and I really wanted to help them, even the ones who were in denial or didn't want help themselves. I think that could partly be because I am female, and my husband is a slight 'alpha male', but maybe even then I could identify with these people.
Regardless of labels (and I am pretty sure I am an alcoholic) I need to stop drinking. Husband is a bit sceptical about AA, his advice is: 'why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed!' Haha if it was that easy I wouldn't be here!
I'm quite rural and don't really want to go to a meeting in the town where I work as patients may see me etc. There's a potential they could report me to my regulatory body who are not kind to sick medics- I would hope no one would be vindictive enough to do that but I don't want to take that chance. However there are some meetings on Monday night in towns that are further away- I'm thinking of going and ringing the helpline today.
So I guess this is my day 2. Still feeling a bit broken from yesterday. Husband and I am doing the insanity exercise programme, so we're going to do that which will make me feel better. He's going to go out for a run with the dog (he's an exercise nut) as well, and while he does that I may ring the helpline.
Thanks for all your help and support
So had a chat with the husband on the way home last night about what best to do. Surprisingly, he says he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, more a 'problem binge drinker.'
His view of the alcoholic is someone who is physically dependent on alcohol, drinking daily, getting withdrawals, etc. I can understand why he thinks that. He's an A+E doc and has quite a tough opinion on alcoholics- I can see why, they come into his department and cause lots of problems, they can be violent, they can be messy, and they tells lies. I don't think he wants to associate me with these people he treats.
I myself used to work in A+E and my view was always slightly different when I saw these patients- often their stories were incredibly sad -and I really wanted to help them, even the ones who were in denial or didn't want help themselves. I think that could partly be because I am female, and my husband is a slight 'alpha male', but maybe even then I could identify with these people.
Regardless of labels (and I am pretty sure I am an alcoholic) I need to stop drinking. Husband is a bit sceptical about AA, his advice is: 'why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed!' Haha if it was that easy I wouldn't be here!
I'm quite rural and don't really want to go to a meeting in the town where I work as patients may see me etc. There's a potential they could report me to my regulatory body who are not kind to sick medics- I would hope no one would be vindictive enough to do that but I don't want to take that chance. However there are some meetings on Monday night in towns that are further away- I'm thinking of going and ringing the helpline today.
So I guess this is my day 2. Still feeling a bit broken from yesterday. Husband and I am doing the insanity exercise programme, so we're going to do that which will make me feel better. He's going to go out for a run with the dog (he's an exercise nut) as well, and while he does that I may ring the helpline.
Thanks for all your help and support
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by mcflurry 
I'm quite rural and don't really want to go to a meeting in the town where I work as patients may see me etc. There's a potential they could report me to my regulatory body who are not kind to sick medics- I would hope no one would be vindictive enough to do that but I don't want to take that chance. However there are some meetings on Monday night in towns that are further away- I'm thinking of going and ringing the helpline today.
Have you worked out a plan of how to resist/minimise cravings? There is some reading material on this site which is helpful.
Remember, every time you resist a craving you grow stronger and more confident.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
McFlurry,
I hate to say this, but your husband telling you he does not think it is a problem would be the worst thing for me to hear in terms of stopping. Nice of course for your relationship that he thinks highly enough of you to sugarcoat the issue, but in terms of stopping not so good. For me, every time someone told me I did not have a problem, my AV said, you see no problem, told you so, and we were off to the race.
I love the "why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed," my guy would say the same thing, but sadly then he saw enough to know it is an issue. Hearing a bit about your guy, better to stop before he sees that.
I also think that his narrow view of alcoholism is not uncommon in the medical profession, but not so helpful as it means he may be missing a lot of alcohol related problems coming in on the domestic, white collar front. But as you get better he will learn a lot if you let him and you will both be better for it.
On the help front, there are some great posts on the secular forum about AVRT, which I have found helpful. A lot of folks do AA, AVRT, SR, etc. -- whatever helps.
For me, I do not go to AA and have not done the steps, but will do the steps this year. I think that whether you believe the HP part or not, everyone, alcoholic or not, can use the 12 stapes to become a better person.
I hope you will do this for yourself. Once you recognise the problem, it is a problem and will only get bigger, so best to sort it.
Good luck -- you got this.
I hate to say this, but your husband telling you he does not think it is a problem would be the worst thing for me to hear in terms of stopping. Nice of course for your relationship that he thinks highly enough of you to sugarcoat the issue, but in terms of stopping not so good. For me, every time someone told me I did not have a problem, my AV said, you see no problem, told you so, and we were off to the race.
I love the "why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed," my guy would say the same thing, but sadly then he saw enough to know it is an issue. Hearing a bit about your guy, better to stop before he sees that.
I also think that his narrow view of alcoholism is not uncommon in the medical profession, but not so helpful as it means he may be missing a lot of alcohol related problems coming in on the domestic, white collar front. But as you get better he will learn a lot if you let him and you will both be better for it.
On the help front, there are some great posts on the secular forum about AVRT, which I have found helpful. A lot of folks do AA, AVRT, SR, etc. -- whatever helps.
For me, I do not go to AA and have not done the steps, but will do the steps this year. I think that whether you believe the HP part or not, everyone, alcoholic or not, can use the 12 stapes to become a better person.
I hope you will do this for yourself. Once you recognise the problem, it is a problem and will only get bigger, so best to sort it.
Good luck -- you got this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Mcflurry,
I wonder if this sounds familiar to you...
Wake up and an immediate panic envelopes you. Panic increases as you desperately try to remember what you did. Desperation and self-loathing set in a while trying to replay the night over and over in your mind. Desperately willing the events of the previous night to come back to you while at the same time wishing they wouldn't. And all of this occurs before you even get one foot out of bed.
As of today, I have been sober for 2725 days (that is 7 years, 5 months and 16 days). And with all sincerity, the thing that has kept me sober is knowing that I do not have to wake up feeling like that ever again.
I was a binge drinker for 35 years and I never, ever thought I could quit but with God's help I struggle on day after day. Make today day 1 for yourself. I promise. It's better.
I wonder if this sounds familiar to you...
Wake up and an immediate panic envelopes you. Panic increases as you desperately try to remember what you did. Desperation and self-loathing set in a while trying to replay the night over and over in your mind. Desperately willing the events of the previous night to come back to you while at the same time wishing they wouldn't. And all of this occurs before you even get one foot out of bed.
As of today, I have been sober for 2725 days (that is 7 years, 5 months and 16 days). And with all sincerity, the thing that has kept me sober is knowing that I do not have to wake up feeling like that ever again.
I was a binge drinker for 35 years and I never, ever thought I could quit but with God's help I struggle on day after day. Make today day 1 for yourself. I promise. It's better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mcflurry
Hi everyone,
So had a chat with the husband on the way home last night about what best to do. Surprisingly, he says he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, more a 'problem binge drinker.'
His view of the alcoholic is someone who is physically dependent on alcohol, drinking daily, getting withdrawals, etc. I can understand why he thinks that. He's an A+E doc and has quite a tough opinion on alcoholics- I can see why, they come into his department and cause lots of problems, they can be violent, they can be messy, and they tells lies. I don't think he wants to associate me with these people he treats.
I myself used to work in A+E and my view was always slightly different when I saw these patients- often their stories were incredibly sad -and I really wanted to help them, even the ones who were in denial or didn't want help themselves. I think that could partly be because I am female, and my husband is a slight 'alpha male', but maybe even then I could identify with these people.
Regardless of labels (and I am pretty sure I am an alcoholic) I need to stop drinking. Husband is a bit sceptical about AA, his advice is: 'why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed!' Haha if it was that easy I wouldn't be here!
I'm quite rural and don't really want to go to a meeting in the town where I work as patients may see me etc. There's a potential they could report me to my regulatory body who are not kind to sick medics- I would hope no one would be vindictive enough to do that but I don't want to take that chance. However there are some meetings on Monday night in towns that are further away- I'm thinking of going and ringing the helpline today.
So I guess this is my day 2. Still feeling a bit broken from yesterday. Husband and I am doing the insanity exercise programme, so we're going to do that which will make me feel better. He's going to go out for a run with the dog (he's an exercise nut) as well, and while he does that I may ring the helpline.
Thanks for all your help and support
So had a chat with the husband on the way home last night about what best to do. Surprisingly, he says he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, more a 'problem binge drinker.'
His view of the alcoholic is someone who is physically dependent on alcohol, drinking daily, getting withdrawals, etc. I can understand why he thinks that. He's an A+E doc and has quite a tough opinion on alcoholics- I can see why, they come into his department and cause lots of problems, they can be violent, they can be messy, and they tells lies. I don't think he wants to associate me with these people he treats.
I myself used to work in A+E and my view was always slightly different when I saw these patients- often their stories were incredibly sad -and I really wanted to help them, even the ones who were in denial or didn't want help themselves. I think that could partly be because I am female, and my husband is a slight 'alpha male', but maybe even then I could identify with these people.
Regardless of labels (and I am pretty sure I am an alcoholic) I need to stop drinking. Husband is a bit sceptical about AA, his advice is: 'why don't you just stop?' or 'don't get smashed!' Haha if it was that easy I wouldn't be here!
I'm quite rural and don't really want to go to a meeting in the town where I work as patients may see me etc. There's a potential they could report me to my regulatory body who are not kind to sick medics- I would hope no one would be vindictive enough to do that but I don't want to take that chance. However there are some meetings on Monday night in towns that are further away- I'm thinking of going and ringing the helpline today.
So I guess this is my day 2. Still feeling a bit broken from yesterday. Husband and I am doing the insanity exercise programme, so we're going to do that which will make me feel better. He's going to go out for a run with the dog (he's an exercise nut) as well, and while he does that I may ring the helpline.
Thanks for all your help and support
Your husband's comments lead me to wonder if he may not have his own alcohol proboems. I suggest disregarding those comments and focus in on what you already know to be true for you.
Mark these words now: give AA a try if for no other reason than to learn. It is free. There is no risk. If ever you were 'found out', worst case you could easily say you go out of medical interest to better understand people's struggles with addiction.
You have nothing to lose by going, and your life to gain.
If you choose not to, then do me a personal favor; tuck this post in your memory..... allow it to live vividly enough that the day you finally find desperation, you remember this and use 'I have nothing to lose and my life to gain' as the phrase that gives you courage.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello, McFlurry, welcome to SR. I've identified with your posts. I too, am a medic. I understand your hesitancy about encountering patients at meetings. It happened to me and my anonymity was broken, although there were no repercussions, other than I felt very disappointed. I would tend to go to a place where you're less well known. I went to an addictions services agency(where I'd referred pts and where they knew me) and went to a group there and saw a counsellor for a few months, that was helpful, and I was treated with great respect.
From the way you describe things in your first post, I think your husband is minimizing things. My family is the same way. Do this for you, you recognize there is a problem. Have you talked to your own family doctor? It might help?
Wishing you all the best on your recovery journey.
From the way you describe things in your first post, I think your husband is minimizing things. My family is the same way. Do this for you, you recognize there is a problem. Have you talked to your own family doctor? It might help?
Wishing you all the best on your recovery journey.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
Hi Mcflurry,
Glad you're here. I'm going through the same kinds of things as you. I struggle with sobriety and I want to be done with alcohol for good. It does me no good, it is not fun, bad things happen every time, why do I do it?! Smh
I'm a nurse and am also leery of reaching out in my community or going to AA. I know there are some medical professionals who attend and I work alongside with them. Maybe they know what's going on with me, maybe not, but I'm not going to admit recent events at a meeting. I have called in "sick" to work a few times. There are also patients who go who I don't necessarily trust to keep my anonymity.
My doctor works at the hospital I work at. I think I may switch doctors and go to a certain one I like, who I used to work with but now runs his own private practice. I think private doctors and private counselors are the way to go in my situation, rather than AA. Of course we can come here as much as we'd like as well!
Best wishes to you.
Glad you're here. I'm going through the same kinds of things as you. I struggle with sobriety and I want to be done with alcohol for good. It does me no good, it is not fun, bad things happen every time, why do I do it?! Smh
I'm a nurse and am also leery of reaching out in my community or going to AA. I know there are some medical professionals who attend and I work alongside with them. Maybe they know what's going on with me, maybe not, but I'm not going to admit recent events at a meeting. I have called in "sick" to work a few times. There are also patients who go who I don't necessarily trust to keep my anonymity.
My doctor works at the hospital I work at. I think I may switch doctors and go to a certain one I like, who I used to work with but now runs his own private practice. I think private doctors and private counselors are the way to go in my situation, rather than AA. Of course we can come here as much as we'd like as well!
Best wishes to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 292
Hi again,
Thanks for all the replies. It's good to see other medical people on the site
To whoever said my husband may be minimising things- I totally agree. When I mentioned AA he laughed
. I'm not sure why- maybe he's a bit embarrassed, maybe it's because he himself likes a drink (although not nearly as much as me.) At the moment he's not going to drink either but I worry that a few weeks down the line he'll think I'm 'cured' and then offer me wine. My plan is to show him my first post and all the responses if this happens.
So I rang AA today and the man who answered was very helpful and friendly. I'm a bit scared of going to a meeting but am going to try one out of my normal area, I don't have anything to lose. I can hopefully go on Monday night after work.
Today I've been trying to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself. I've done my workout, watched some TV and painted some warhammer models. Tonight we are going for dinner at some friends' house, both of them don't drink and haven't done for many years- partly for religious reasons, and partly because when they did drink bad things happened to them, a bit like me. They are really nice, positive people to be around and I hope I can be like them some day.
Thanks for all the replies. It's good to see other medical people on the site
To whoever said my husband may be minimising things- I totally agree. When I mentioned AA he laughed
. I'm not sure why- maybe he's a bit embarrassed, maybe it's because he himself likes a drink (although not nearly as much as me.) At the moment he's not going to drink either but I worry that a few weeks down the line he'll think I'm 'cured' and then offer me wine. My plan is to show him my first post and all the responses if this happens. So I rang AA today and the man who answered was very helpful and friendly. I'm a bit scared of going to a meeting but am going to try one out of my normal area, I don't have anything to lose. I can hopefully go on Monday night after work.
Today I've been trying to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself. I've done my workout, watched some TV and painted some warhammer models. Tonight we are going for dinner at some friends' house, both of them don't drink and haven't done for many years- partly for religious reasons, and partly because when they did drink bad things happened to them, a bit like me. They are really nice, positive people to be around and I hope I can be like them some day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Mcflurry, and welcome here. Well done for recognising you have a problem and wanting to do something about it, that's a massive first step.
I just wanted to add another vote to the suggestion that you look around on this site in the different forums to read about all the methods and approaches people have used to get sober. AA is of course one very successful and popular route, but there are others that many have found effective, which you could look into while waiting to get to that first meeting. In my case I found AVRT and reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking, along with all the support here on SR, were what worked for me. It's all about finding what works best for you.
I was also a binge drinker, and a lot of your story feels very familiar. There are a lot of definitions of alcoholic floating around, and it's always possible to find one that doesn't include you. I know I used to do that. Carefully ignoring all the boxes I was ticking.
I actually never bothered with giving myself a specific label, beyond knowing I have a problem with alcohol and knew my life would be better if I stopped. Which I did nearly 8 months ago. And yes, my life has become much better. I feel more engaged with life, my relationships are stronger, I'm saving lots of money, I've got more time for the hobbies I enjoy (playing guitar in particular).
Good luck with your journey. The tricky part will come when the memory of what happened fades, and the hangover goes. Your Addictive Voice will start telling you that you were overreacting and it's fine to drink again. But hopefully by then you'll have a plan in place and will know that incidents like this will just keep happening, and getting worse, if you don't stop.
I just wanted to add another vote to the suggestion that you look around on this site in the different forums to read about all the methods and approaches people have used to get sober. AA is of course one very successful and popular route, but there are others that many have found effective, which you could look into while waiting to get to that first meeting. In my case I found AVRT and reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking, along with all the support here on SR, were what worked for me. It's all about finding what works best for you.
I was also a binge drinker, and a lot of your story feels very familiar. There are a lot of definitions of alcoholic floating around, and it's always possible to find one that doesn't include you. I know I used to do that. Carefully ignoring all the boxes I was ticking.
I actually never bothered with giving myself a specific label, beyond knowing I have a problem with alcohol and knew my life would be better if I stopped. Which I did nearly 8 months ago. And yes, my life has become much better. I feel more engaged with life, my relationships are stronger, I'm saving lots of money, I've got more time for the hobbies I enjoy (playing guitar in particular).
Good luck with your journey. The tricky part will come when the memory of what happened fades, and the hangover goes. Your Addictive Voice will start telling you that you were overreacting and it's fine to drink again. But hopefully by then you'll have a plan in place and will know that incidents like this will just keep happening, and getting worse, if you don't stop.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Another approach?
I also have some medical training and I'm finding that taking a scientific approach to not drinking really works best for me. Reframing how I think about alcohol and understanding that it is a very addictive carcinogen that has been cynically and subliminally marketed to all of us as being glamorous and ubiquitous makes it easier for me to stay away from it. I feel smart instead of deprived!
You might want to read "This Naked Mind," by Annie Grace?
It's my opinion that there may well come a time when alcohol will be viewed by society the same way smoking is today.
Wishing you the best!
You might want to read "This Naked Mind," by Annie Grace?
It's my opinion that there may well come a time when alcohol will be viewed by society the same way smoking is today.
Wishing you the best!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
My AA home group includes a dentist, a doctor, and two pharmacists.
I have two business associates and a client in another meeting. They all three hugged me and told me they were glad I was there. They have been some of my biggest supporters and a huge part of my success.
I have two business associates and a client in another meeting. They all three hugged me and told me they were glad I was there. They have been some of my biggest supporters and a huge part of my success.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 292
Hi everyone!
Just thought I would check in on day 3. It's not been too bad a day, walked the dog, phoned my parents, and have just finished an insanity workout. Currently enjoying a protein shake (not really, they are disgusting!!)
Totally agree with ariesagain's post about a scientific approach to not drinking. I'd imagine if someone just discovered alcohol today, it would be banned immediately for all the trouble it could potentially cause.
Not looking forward to work tomorrow- have a busy day. I have felt a bit sad today about the fact I can never drink again, I know that's the AV talking. To combat this, I've come up with a list about good vs bad points of alcohol:
Good points:
Wine tastes nice.
Some people think it's sophisticated.
You can get a warm fuzzy feeling after a glass or two.
Bad points:
There's nothing sophisticated about falling over drunk, slurring your words, being loud, obnoxious and embarrassing (especially when I am normally quite a quiet person.)-- and then repeating this time and time again.
Still having a wine belly despite trying to diet and exercise- I am at least 2 stone heavier than I was when I got married and hate it.
Having a bloated face with red patches on it and bags under my eyes.
The potential to lose my husband and friends due to drinking.
The potential to get arrested/sleep with a stranger/get attacked- etc etc/ I have no control over myself when I am drinking- that's such a scary thought.
The health implications of drinking too much- liver problems, high blood pressure, various cancers etc etc.
Hangovers that are so bad I spend the whole day shaking and retching in bed, that really take two days to recover from. Even when not hungover, feeling tired most of the time.
When I read this I wonder why I have done this to myself for so long! Especially when you look at the 'good points,' they are really quite pathetic- there are lots of other foods/drinks that 'taste nice' but don't turn me into some evil being!! Sorry if this is a rambling post, it helps to write things down.
I hope you are all well
Just thought I would check in on day 3. It's not been too bad a day, walked the dog, phoned my parents, and have just finished an insanity workout. Currently enjoying a protein shake (not really, they are disgusting!!
)Totally agree with ariesagain's post about a scientific approach to not drinking. I'd imagine if someone just discovered alcohol today, it would be banned immediately for all the trouble it could potentially cause.
Not looking forward to work tomorrow- have a busy day. I have felt a bit sad today about the fact I can never drink again, I know that's the AV talking. To combat this, I've come up with a list about good vs bad points of alcohol:
Good points:
Wine tastes nice.
Some people think it's sophisticated.
You can get a warm fuzzy feeling after a glass or two.
Bad points:
There's nothing sophisticated about falling over drunk, slurring your words, being loud, obnoxious and embarrassing (especially when I am normally quite a quiet person.)-- and then repeating this time and time again.
Still having a wine belly despite trying to diet and exercise- I am at least 2 stone heavier than I was when I got married and hate it.
Having a bloated face with red patches on it and bags under my eyes.
The potential to lose my husband and friends due to drinking.
The potential to get arrested/sleep with a stranger/get attacked- etc etc/ I have no control over myself when I am drinking- that's such a scary thought.
The health implications of drinking too much- liver problems, high blood pressure, various cancers etc etc.
Hangovers that are so bad I spend the whole day shaking and retching in bed, that really take two days to recover from. Even when not hungover, feeling tired most of the time.
When I read this I wonder why I have done this to myself for so long! Especially when you look at the 'good points,' they are really quite pathetic- there are lots of other foods/drinks that 'taste nice' but don't turn me into some evil being!! Sorry if this is a rambling post, it helps to write things down.
I hope you are all well
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by mcflurry
Hi everyone!
Not looking forward to work tomorrow- have a busy day. I have felt a bit sad today about the fact I can never drink again, I know that's the AV talking. To combat this, I've come up with a list about good vs bad points of alcohol:
Good points:
Wine tastes nice.
Some people think it's sophisticated.
You can get a warm fuzzy feeling after a glass or two.
Not looking forward to work tomorrow- have a busy day. I have felt a bit sad today about the fact I can never drink again, I know that's the AV talking. To combat this, I've come up with a list about good vs bad points of alcohol:
Good points:
Wine tastes nice.
Some people think it's sophisticated.
You can get a warm fuzzy feeling after a glass or two.
In 2013 I bought a bottle of Thunderbird as a joke gift for someone. I ended up drinking it. It was nasty, but I finished the whole bottle in not too long of a time frame. I was feeling rather unsophisticated at the time.
I searched the house looking for something to drink one time when it hit me had a cheap bottle of cooking wine in the cupboard. It was nasty, but I drank it.
I hope you do something before you think it's okay to settle for thunderbird or nasty cooking wine.
More than a handful of people told me I didn't have a drinking problem.
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