"I don't think you're an alcoholic"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
"I don't think you're an alcoholic"
Interesting week. Two different people stopped by the house this week just to chat. Both of these individuals saw me at my worst. They sat with me while drunk, acting out and withdrawing etc...
They now tell me they really don't think I'm an alcoholic, just someone who was drinking heavily because I was going through a lot, and had gone through a lot. Both of them stopped by in the afternoon and while I know they wanted to visit, they wanted to have a drink. There is no booze in the house. ha! Felt kind of bad, but what do ya do? I had nothing for them except water and soda. Times have changed.
They now tell me they really don't think I'm an alcoholic, just someone who was drinking heavily because I was going through a lot, and had gone through a lot. Both of them stopped by in the afternoon and while I know they wanted to visit, they wanted to have a drink. There is no booze in the house. ha! Felt kind of bad, but what do ya do? I had nothing for them except water and soda. Times have changed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Don't listen to them.
I've never been an everyday drinker,and have never even gone through withdrawals; most people think I'm overreacting to my drinking problem.
I'm not, I know what it was like, it doesn't matter what they say.
I've never been an everyday drinker,and have never even gone through withdrawals; most people think I'm overreacting to my drinking problem.
I'm not, I know what it was like, it doesn't matter what they say.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
My wife has told me 100 times that I am not an alcoholic. Also one of my friends has told me many, many times that I am not an alcoholic.
I am 100%, beyond any shadow of a doubt, an alcoholic. End of story.
With that in mind, whether I am or not, or what anyone else thinks is not relevant and not a topic for conversation.
The commitment to quit needs to be absolute Jeff.
I am 100%, beyond any shadow of a doubt, an alcoholic. End of story.
With that in mind, whether I am or not, or what anyone else thinks is not relevant and not a topic for conversation.
The commitment to quit needs to be absolute Jeff.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
It's probably the typical scenario where people think unless you are literally in the gutter with a bottle at 9:00 a.m.. you are not an alcoholic. We know that alcoholism has many different faces. I have been in withdrawal with a friend present and it looks like nothing on the outside, unless you are shivering like a tree in the wind and pouring obvious sweat, I think they just don't get it. I don't know what it looks like to an outsider but I know it feels very scary and is quite serious. Just keep on your sober way Thomas, sounds like you are on the right path with no alcohol in the house.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Yeah I don;t want to come across as nagging Jeff...
but even when I was drinking around the clock, being sick, not washing for a week and basically needing adult diapers...
I could still find someone to tell me I was 'not that bad'
D
but even when I was drinking around the clock, being sick, not washing for a week and basically needing adult diapers...
I could still find someone to tell me I was 'not that bad'
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Haha I've been told that too! Several times & it's BS! I think the people who tell me that are actually concerned with their OWN drinking. With me out of the way because I'm sober, they have to look in the mirror!
Good for you for posting before your AV starts screwing with you! Keep up the great work!!!
Good for you for posting before your AV starts screwing with you! Keep up the great work!!!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Most people seem to think of alcoholics as people living under bridges drinking meths .
You and I know the honest truth though
In my experience a lot of people see alcoholism as a stigma when i've mentioned it they like to try and comfort me by "normalising" me . oh you're not/ weren't that bad or some such ..
I know for me i've had enough , despite what anyone else says . Deciding to never drink again was such a relief and freedom .
Stay strong , m
You and I know the honest truth though
In my experience a lot of people see alcoholism as a stigma when i've mentioned it they like to try and comfort me by "normalising" me . oh you're not/ weren't that bad or some such ..
I know for me i've had enough , despite what anyone else says . Deciding to never drink again was such a relief and freedom .
Stay strong , m
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The longer I'm Sober the more I reaffirm that it only matters what I believe, what other people think is irrelevant, they don't have to deal with the chaos that alcohol can bring to our lives, only us, so it's not some kind of democratic vote or committee on the situation, our decision is final, if someone else wants to share in my hangovers then fine, but they don't, it's us and us alone that has to live with the chaos.
However what we think must be the truth, not some fairytale or myth or romanticism that our addiction is trying to sell us and that's where being grounded as to why did we sign up to SR in the first place? what have we written in older threads? what is the wisdom of those who have collective decades of Sobriety saying? and there's also great threads here on SR that list a whole range of behaviours that normal drinkers don't do, which many of the multiple pages ring true.
Keep pushing through Jeff!!
However what we think must be the truth, not some fairytale or myth or romanticism that our addiction is trying to sell us and that's where being grounded as to why did we sign up to SR in the first place? what have we written in older threads? what is the wisdom of those who have collective decades of Sobriety saying? and there's also great threads here on SR that list a whole range of behaviours that normal drinkers don't do, which many of the multiple pages ring true.
Keep pushing through Jeff!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
I have said before in 1996 I found myself in Detox but I was forced to go by family, yet when I came out my X told my AV exactly what it wanted to hear, you just need to cut back you are not an alcoholic, by 1998 I was completely out of control and back in detox, 6 months leave from work as they knew I had a problem however I was not willing to admit it. Crazy as I lost two six figure career's yet I still would not admit it was a problem.
I couldn't even guess how many times I have been in and out of ER and Detox since then, but I have known for many years I had a serious problem. It wasn't until three years ago when I went through an Intensive treatment program that I honestly believed how this sickness works, in my case the root cause and the importance of a plan and following it as I was sick of being sick.
Now I did relapse twice since that time, I was in an unhealthy and high risk relationship, my GF at the time drank every night, after a trip to Cuba in Feb of last year I came back and was taken to ER and then Detox, I remember being hooked up to two IV's at ER and the doc asking me if I wanted to live as I was very close to death, scared the crap out of me and I stayed sober until mid November of last year and went on another 36 day binge which cost me everything dear to me, including a great career and house, the only thing left was my dog.
Why did I relapse after taking that program? I stopped following the plan and was over confident and my AV knew exactly how to hook me. In both cases if I reflect I had a mental relapse (you can google) as was explained in this treatment program I took we have a mental relapse before we actually drink, people very close to us will notice it often before we do, we change...could be that we get angry fast, don't smile or laugh as much or in my case I implode, meaning I stop talking, when sober I am a social butterfly according to people I know, both times last year I simply stopped being happy and jovial but didn't see it, then when I drink it's off to the closet.
Think this through, what friends think is not important to me at all when it comes to this sickness unless it's positive reinforcement, I am very much aware it makes my life unmanageable, totally out of control, it will not happen again but I have yet to meet anyone who can honestly tell me it didn't get worse. If I could do it all over again, I wish in 1996 I knew what I know today, but it's all what it is, onward and upwards for me.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
I couldn't even guess how many times I have been in and out of ER and Detox since then, but I have known for many years I had a serious problem. It wasn't until three years ago when I went through an Intensive treatment program that I honestly believed how this sickness works, in my case the root cause and the importance of a plan and following it as I was sick of being sick.
Now I did relapse twice since that time, I was in an unhealthy and high risk relationship, my GF at the time drank every night, after a trip to Cuba in Feb of last year I came back and was taken to ER and then Detox, I remember being hooked up to two IV's at ER and the doc asking me if I wanted to live as I was very close to death, scared the crap out of me and I stayed sober until mid November of last year and went on another 36 day binge which cost me everything dear to me, including a great career and house, the only thing left was my dog.
Why did I relapse after taking that program? I stopped following the plan and was over confident and my AV knew exactly how to hook me. In both cases if I reflect I had a mental relapse (you can google) as was explained in this treatment program I took we have a mental relapse before we actually drink, people very close to us will notice it often before we do, we change...could be that we get angry fast, don't smile or laugh as much or in my case I implode, meaning I stop talking, when sober I am a social butterfly according to people I know, both times last year I simply stopped being happy and jovial but didn't see it, then when I drink it's off to the closet.
Think this through, what friends think is not important to me at all when it comes to this sickness unless it's positive reinforcement, I am very much aware it makes my life unmanageable, totally out of control, it will not happen again but I have yet to meet anyone who can honestly tell me it didn't get worse. If I could do it all over again, I wish in 1996 I knew what I know today, but it's all what it is, onward and upwards for me.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
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