"I don't think you're an alcoholic"
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
I've struggled with whether I am or not for years, even long before trying to stop. I don't think anybody would've said I was an alcoholic, except one AA friend, who tried to tell me, but failed to get through. The term is only just acceptable to me and I feel it's a relief and making me stronger in my sobriety.
I've almost finished reading "First Year Sobriety" Guy Hettelhach (highly recommend if you've not read it). There's a story in this about a sponsor encouraging somebody to "sit" a bit longer with the first of the 12 steps, where you try to accept what it means to be powerless. This really struck home for me, I can't control my drinking, the first will ALWAYS lead to many and if I haven't any available, I'll do anything to get hold of some and it doesn't matter what I sacrifice to do this, family, money, work, promises I've made.
So................. pretty powerless when it comes to alcohol.
I know I'm alcoholic and that's what counts and what will help me.
Take care
xx
I've almost finished reading "First Year Sobriety" Guy Hettelhach (highly recommend if you've not read it). There's a story in this about a sponsor encouraging somebody to "sit" a bit longer with the first of the 12 steps, where you try to accept what it means to be powerless. This really struck home for me, I can't control my drinking, the first will ALWAYS lead to many and if I haven't any available, I'll do anything to get hold of some and it doesn't matter what I sacrifice to do this, family, money, work, promises I've made.
So................. pretty powerless when it comes to alcohol.
I know I'm alcoholic and that's what counts and what will help me.
Take care
xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
I consider it an act of empowerment when I refuse to allow someone to deny my lived reality.
In my experience, people tend to use themselves as a barometer for others, and well, that just doesn't fly in my book.
Awareness of self, how you tick, what your talents and challenges are. . .that is a gift of sobriety. Don't let others take your gift.
In my experience, people tend to use themselves as a barometer for others, and well, that just doesn't fly in my book.
Awareness of self, how you tick, what your talents and challenges are. . .that is a gift of sobriety. Don't let others take your gift.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
It's widely held to be impolite to tell someone they are an alcoholic unless you are one.
Well...I are one.
So are you. Now, quit entertaining what other people think and get back to work!
Well...I are one.
So are you. Now, quit entertaining what other people think and get back to work!
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Isn't that a little irritating?
1) They're just disappointed that you'll no longer be serving them drinks, or getting hammered with them.
2) If they're such freaking experts on the subject, why didn't they render you any help when you needed it most?
People. Can't live with them; can't live without them.
1) They're just disappointed that you'll no longer be serving them drinks, or getting hammered with them.
2) If they're such freaking experts on the subject, why didn't they render you any help when you needed it most?
People. Can't live with them; can't live without them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
They probably have an image in their heads of what an alcoholic looks like and you're not fitting the bill for them.
I'm in the process of quitting and getting help, I've found the most supportive people have been friends who have been through alcoholism themselves or have had someone close to them go through it. Other people just can't accept that it's a problem if it doesn't fit the stereotypes.
If people are making you feel pressured to have alcohol in the house, or are trying to convince you to drink, I would seriously question whether you need them in your life.
I'm in the process of quitting and getting help, I've found the most supportive people have been friends who have been through alcoholism themselves or have had someone close to them go through it. Other people just can't accept that it's a problem if it doesn't fit the stereotypes.
If people are making you feel pressured to have alcohol in the house, or are trying to convince you to drink, I would seriously question whether you need them in your life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Thomas,
Lots of great advice above. One last thought, whether you use the word alcoholic or not you know how alcohol has negatively impacted your life. Nobody else has those experiences, even if they were present for part of them, they didn't feel the reprucussions after the event, only you did.
I am glad you stayed strong while they were visiting.
Lots of great advice above. One last thought, whether you use the word alcoholic or not you know how alcohol has negatively impacted your life. Nobody else has those experiences, even if they were present for part of them, they didn't feel the reprucussions after the event, only you did.
I am glad you stayed strong while they were visiting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Think very, very carefully Jeff. Why did you post what you did? Why did you feel it was important that we read what they said, and for you to tell us what makes them "expert witnesses"?
You see, I've had loads of people say I don't have a problem. Including someone who saw me turn grey and pass out on the ground in front of them. Someone who watched me get undressed and try to climb into bed with her and her husband because I didn't know which house I was in. Someone who before I quit angrily lectured me on how I had a drinking problem after I'd done something particularly awful. And then when I did quit asked me why. I never for one moment paid any attention to what they said, because I knew they were wrong to question it, and there's no reason why I would start a post to say what they told me.
My AV, on the other hand, would have one very, very good reason to write about that. To lay the groundwork for me to drink again, by publishing "proof" that I'm not an alcoholic. "Sorry everyone, false alarm, turns out I don't have a problem after all. Good luck with your sober journeys, and thanks for all your help and advice".
One thing I'll give you, Jeff. Your AV is good. Damn good. This is the time of year it probably packs its bags full of ice and heads up North to do some selling.
You see, I've had loads of people say I don't have a problem. Including someone who saw me turn grey and pass out on the ground in front of them. Someone who watched me get undressed and try to climb into bed with her and her husband because I didn't know which house I was in. Someone who before I quit angrily lectured me on how I had a drinking problem after I'd done something particularly awful. And then when I did quit asked me why. I never for one moment paid any attention to what they said, because I knew they were wrong to question it, and there's no reason why I would start a post to say what they told me.
My AV, on the other hand, would have one very, very good reason to write about that. To lay the groundwork for me to drink again, by publishing "proof" that I'm not an alcoholic. "Sorry everyone, false alarm, turns out I don't have a problem after all. Good luck with your sober journeys, and thanks for all your help and advice".
One thing I'll give you, Jeff. Your AV is good. Damn good. This is the time of year it probably packs its bags full of ice and heads up North to do some selling.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
There are some excellent, spot on replies to this thread! Totally agree with what everyone has said. I think a very common reason that people you specifically socialize with says that is because it forces them to look at themselves in the mirror. And something else...some of those people may think that you will secretly "judge" them if you are sober and they are not. Sometimes people's responses are more about themselves than you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Did part of you want to believe that Jeff?
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
Yeah I don;t want to come across as nagging Jeff...
but even when I was drinking around the clock, being sick, not washing for a week and basically needing adult diapers...
I could still find someone to tell me I was 'not that bad'
D
but even when I was drinking around the clock, being sick, not washing for a week and basically needing adult diapers...
I could still find someone to tell me I was 'not that bad'
D
But yes Dee, these two particular individuals are what I think all of us here would classify as active alcoholics. They don't know it or admit it, but they are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by ALinNS
I have said before in 1996 I found myself in Detox but I was forced to go by family, yet when I came out my X told my AV exactly what it wanted to hear, you just need to cut back you are not an alcoholic, by 1998 I was completely out of control and back in detox, 6 months leave from work as they knew I had a problem however I was not willing to admit it. Crazy as I lost two six figure career's yet I still would not admit it was a problem.
I couldn't even guess how many times I have been in and out of ER and Detox since then, but I have known for many years I had a serious problem. It wasn't until three years ago when I went through an Intensive treatment program that I honestly believed how this sickness works, in my case the root cause and the importance of a plan and following it as I was sick of being sick.
Now I did relapse twice since that time, I was in an unhealthy and high risk relationship, my GF at the time drank every night, after a trip to Cuba in Feb of last year I came back and was taken to ER and then Detox, I remember being hooked up to two IV's at ER and the doc asking me if I wanted to live as I was very close to death, scared the crap out of me and I stayed sober until mid November of last year and went on another 36 day binge which cost me everything dear to me, including a great career and house, the only thing left was my dog.
Why did I relapse after taking that program? I stopped following the plan and was over confident and my AV knew exactly how to hook me. In both cases if I reflect I had a mental relapse (you can google) as was explained in this treatment program I took we have a mental relapse before we actually drink, people very close to us will notice it often before we do, we change...could be that we get angry fast, don't smile or laugh as much or in my case I implode, meaning I stop talking, when sober I am a social butterfly according to people I know, both times last year I simply stopped being happy and jovial but didn't see it, then when I drink it's off to the closet.
Think this through, what friends think is not important to me at all when it comes to this sickness unless it's positive reinforcement, I am very much aware it makes my life unmanageable, totally out of control, it will not happen again but I have yet to meet anyone who can honestly tell me it didn't get worse. If I could do it all over again, I wish in 1996 I knew what I know today, but it's all what it is, onward and upwards for me.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
I couldn't even guess how many times I have been in and out of ER and Detox since then, but I have known for many years I had a serious problem. It wasn't until three years ago when I went through an Intensive treatment program that I honestly believed how this sickness works, in my case the root cause and the importance of a plan and following it as I was sick of being sick.
Now I did relapse twice since that time, I was in an unhealthy and high risk relationship, my GF at the time drank every night, after a trip to Cuba in Feb of last year I came back and was taken to ER and then Detox, I remember being hooked up to two IV's at ER and the doc asking me if I wanted to live as I was very close to death, scared the crap out of me and I stayed sober until mid November of last year and went on another 36 day binge which cost me everything dear to me, including a great career and house, the only thing left was my dog.
Why did I relapse after taking that program? I stopped following the plan and was over confident and my AV knew exactly how to hook me. In both cases if I reflect I had a mental relapse (you can google) as was explained in this treatment program I took we have a mental relapse before we actually drink, people very close to us will notice it often before we do, we change...could be that we get angry fast, don't smile or laugh as much or in my case I implode, meaning I stop talking, when sober I am a social butterfly according to people I know, both times last year I simply stopped being happy and jovial but didn't see it, then when I drink it's off to the closet.
Think this through, what friends think is not important to me at all when it comes to this sickness unless it's positive reinforcement, I am very much aware it makes my life unmanageable, totally out of control, it will not happen again but I have yet to meet anyone who can honestly tell me it didn't get worse. If I could do it all over again, I wish in 1996 I knew what I know today, but it's all what it is, onward and upwards for me.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by OpenTuning
Think very, very carefully Jeff. Why did you post what you did? Why did you feel it was important that we read what they said, and for you to tell us what makes them "expert witnesses"?
You see, I've had loads of people say I don't have a problem. Including someone who saw me turn grey and pass out on the ground in front of them. Someone who watched me get undressed and try to climb into bed with her and her husband because I didn't know which house I was in. Someone who before I quit angrily lectured me on how I had a drinking problem after I'd done something particularly awful. And then when I did quit asked me why. I never for one moment paid any attention to what they said, because I knew they were wrong to question it, and there's no reason why I would start a post to say what they told me.
My AV, on the other hand, would have one very, very good reason to write about that. To lay the groundwork for me to drink again, by publishing "proof" that I'm not an alcoholic. "Sorry everyone, false alarm, turns out I don't have a problem after all. Good luck with your sober journeys, and thanks for all your help and advice".
One thing I'll give you, Jeff. Your AV is good. Damn good. This is the time of year it probably packs its bags full of ice and heads up North to do some selling.
You see, I've had loads of people say I don't have a problem. Including someone who saw me turn grey and pass out on the ground in front of them. Someone who watched me get undressed and try to climb into bed with her and her husband because I didn't know which house I was in. Someone who before I quit angrily lectured me on how I had a drinking problem after I'd done something particularly awful. And then when I did quit asked me why. I never for one moment paid any attention to what they said, because I knew they were wrong to question it, and there's no reason why I would start a post to say what they told me.
My AV, on the other hand, would have one very, very good reason to write about that. To lay the groundwork for me to drink again, by publishing "proof" that I'm not an alcoholic. "Sorry everyone, false alarm, turns out I don't have a problem after all. Good luck with your sober journeys, and thanks for all your help and advice".
One thing I'll give you, Jeff. Your AV is good. Damn good. This is the time of year it probably packs its bags full of ice and heads up North to do some selling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
To all who responded, this may sound arrogant, but I don't put much stock into what other's think about my drinking. I didn't when I was drinking, and I don't now that I'm not drinking. I know what I went through, I know how I felt mentally and physically, I know it was not normal. Remember, I was an alone drinker, and I was alone for 3 months while my wife was away. I know what I did, and it wasn't good. I didn't break the law, but I drank a lot of booze. I eventually got myself to a point where I needed booze. That's an alcoholic.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
