A Family Affair January 15th Weekender
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi family! I'm in!
Thanks for a great topic and a new thread, Ken. Be careful in NYC and keep us close.
Wolfie, you rock! Congrats on 2.5 years, buddy!
Marty, if you come to Chicago, will you meet up with me and Ruby? We can go to wherever you used to like to eat, or I'll find a great diner for coffee and pie, or I'll cook for you at the restaurant
So at least you'll have us and the trip doesn't have to be so scary. The offer stays open so you can keep it in mind. xoxo
SoberP, this too shall pass. I'm sure it's miserable. Hugs, lady. It will subside and you will have a snazzy looking jawline, the chin of your dreams and you will be even more beautiful! Rest and go mindless... I prescribe Netflix and ice cream.
Plenny posted on our last Weekender thread for support, too. I can tell you have a lot going on emotionally, I know how jumbled everything is when you are first sobering up and so much is out of whack. Please be gentle with yourself. You don't have to clean up ANY messes you made or solve your love life right now. Eating well or at least regularly, showering, lots of rest, say no to outside noise and requests... All that helped me a lot and then things started getting better slowly or I was able to deal with them in a manner that felt a lot more gentle to myself..... Hugs
I have been waking up with headaches in the morning which means I'm grinding g my teeth in my sleep which means I'm stressed out...
So I rented the new apartment and I thought I could move in like now, and the lease I signed says Feb 1. It was online and no place to modify the terms. So I went in to their office yesterday and told them I absolutely need to move ASAP. I need closure on this relationship... I can't live here anymore the way we are going on. I need my space. They didn't get back to me so I will call again today but I'm irritated.
And I'm scared about living on my own. My AV keeps asking me what's going to happen once we are alone in there. So my anxiety is heightened.
My world isn't crashing down, but quite frankly I have the highest level of anxiety I've had since I was a drinker. It's bothersome but I keep telling myself that nothing is actually wrong. That I'm practicing self care by moving out. That I have great freedom at my job to create a new menu and I don't have to be stressed out about how terrible the food is there now... Etc etc.
I'm telling my AV that I'm living in a new place for the first time alone as a sober person and that is the life that will give me freedom and peace.
But the visions of bottles and drinks and solitary drinking the way I used to bothers me, I wasn't having those before.
I will win, I will prevail. I'm going to keep on telling on myself.
xoxo
Thanks for a great topic and a new thread, Ken. Be careful in NYC and keep us close.
Wolfie, you rock! Congrats on 2.5 years, buddy!
Marty, if you come to Chicago, will you meet up with me and Ruby? We can go to wherever you used to like to eat, or I'll find a great diner for coffee and pie, or I'll cook for you at the restaurant
So at least you'll have us and the trip doesn't have to be so scary. The offer stays open so you can keep it in mind. xoxoSoberP, this too shall pass. I'm sure it's miserable. Hugs, lady. It will subside and you will have a snazzy looking jawline, the chin of your dreams and you will be even more beautiful! Rest and go mindless... I prescribe Netflix and ice cream.
Plenny posted on our last Weekender thread for support, too. I can tell you have a lot going on emotionally, I know how jumbled everything is when you are first sobering up and so much is out of whack. Please be gentle with yourself. You don't have to clean up ANY messes you made or solve your love life right now. Eating well or at least regularly, showering, lots of rest, say no to outside noise and requests... All that helped me a lot and then things started getting better slowly or I was able to deal with them in a manner that felt a lot more gentle to myself..... Hugs
I have been waking up with headaches in the morning which means I'm grinding g my teeth in my sleep which means I'm stressed out...
So I rented the new apartment and I thought I could move in like now, and the lease I signed says Feb 1. It was online and no place to modify the terms. So I went in to their office yesterday and told them I absolutely need to move ASAP. I need closure on this relationship... I can't live here anymore the way we are going on. I need my space. They didn't get back to me so I will call again today but I'm irritated.
And I'm scared about living on my own. My AV keeps asking me what's going to happen once we are alone in there. So my anxiety is heightened.
My world isn't crashing down, but quite frankly I have the highest level of anxiety I've had since I was a drinker. It's bothersome but I keep telling myself that nothing is actually wrong. That I'm practicing self care by moving out. That I have great freedom at my job to create a new menu and I don't have to be stressed out about how terrible the food is there now... Etc etc.
I'm telling my AV that I'm living in a new place for the first time alone as a sober person and that is the life that will give me freedom and peace.
But the visions of bottles and drinks and solitary drinking the way I used to bothers me, I wasn't having those before.
I will win, I will prevail. I'm going to keep on telling on myself.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Plenny, we got your back, xoxo. She wrote this on our previous Weekenders..
Originally Posted by Plenny 
I've often felt in the past like I'm posting during a low traffic time or that maybe something I said turned people off. I express a lot of my feelings here, and especially when I feel alone or at risk. No offense to anyone out there, but in the past I've slipped under the radar in getting support during a few very scary times. If I even see that someone saw me and acknowledged me, I feel a lot better. So I wonder if other people ever feel that way, and if there's any way to tell.
I have a bit of a complex with feeling invisible or forgotten. Fun with narcissism!
I have a bit of a complex with feeling invisible or forgotten. Fun with narcissism!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Ahem...
There once was a Gent with a Rolo
When Snacking, he liked to fly solo
While no big monstrosity
And, absent pomposity
He wasn't the type to play Polo
Burma Shave
Whew!
Western Civilization is safe once again. I was wondering when Da BrainSter would link that Thematic Sly Stone Song.
Meh. Family. My Sister and I are estranged. She has a real 'thang' about hanging onto the past, and still not accepting our Adoptive Parents' imperfections. Hey, they did swell by me because I wasn't the total PITA that she was. I got sick of all her whining while she waits for me to buy into what I call her 'Movie'. Her's ain't my Movie. All her Guano was that old Childhood Dynamic common to when Relationships are mired in the past, and it finally hit the proverbial Wall we all know here: 'Nothing changes until it changes'. I presumed that me finally standing up to her would either damage or terminate the Relationship.
We still rent Dad's House, and that requires some nominal cooperation come Tax Time. She called and yelled at me about House 'stuff' after I sobered up to where it was flat-out Verbal Abuse. I'm a Binary Guy. Nothing to wring my Hands over after that Call [and, it much more than just a Call]. So, I simply switched off that Relationship. If she comes around, great. If not, I'm kewl with how things are now. She called up MesaMate one Night to dump on her, and I firmly informed Sis that mucking around in my Marriage is verboten. She, of course, didn't see herself as doing that. I walk from such Disputes. My long time Reputation. This Call terminated any influence or power she had, and that pissed her off all over again. I informed her we would carry on only by e.mail since she was yelling at me to 'not talk to her that GD Engineer explanatory Voice of mine'. That's when you know you're not really discussing the Issue at hand, but some other residual Baggage. O'Well...
Acceptance fosters Serenity.
Plenny ~ I read your Posts this Morning in the winding down bit of the prior Thread, and what's happening is due to chance. Post *whenever*. Folks here really try their best to engage...
An actual Burma Shave [Cream] Sign from the Route 66 Museum...
.
.
Ahem...
There once was a Gent with a Rolo
When Snacking, he liked to fly solo
While no big monstrosity
And, absent pomposity
He wasn't the type to play Polo
Burma Shave
Whew!
Western Civilization is safe once again. I was wondering when Da BrainSter would link that Thematic Sly Stone Song.
Meh. Family. My Sister and I are estranged. She has a real 'thang' about hanging onto the past, and still not accepting our Adoptive Parents' imperfections. Hey, they did swell by me because I wasn't the total PITA that she was. I got sick of all her whining while she waits for me to buy into what I call her 'Movie'. Her's ain't my Movie. All her Guano was that old Childhood Dynamic common to when Relationships are mired in the past, and it finally hit the proverbial Wall we all know here: 'Nothing changes until it changes'. I presumed that me finally standing up to her would either damage or terminate the Relationship.
We still rent Dad's House, and that requires some nominal cooperation come Tax Time. She called and yelled at me about House 'stuff' after I sobered up to where it was flat-out Verbal Abuse. I'm a Binary Guy. Nothing to wring my Hands over after that Call [and, it much more than just a Call]. So, I simply switched off that Relationship. If she comes around, great. If not, I'm kewl with how things are now. She called up MesaMate one Night to dump on her, and I firmly informed Sis that mucking around in my Marriage is verboten. She, of course, didn't see herself as doing that. I walk from such Disputes. My long time Reputation. This Call terminated any influence or power she had, and that pissed her off all over again. I informed her we would carry on only by e.mail since she was yelling at me to 'not talk to her that GD Engineer explanatory Voice of mine'. That's when you know you're not really discussing the Issue at hand, but some other residual Baggage. O'Well...
Acceptance fosters Serenity.
Plenny ~ I read your Posts this Morning in the winding down bit of the prior Thread, and what's happening is due to chance. Post *whenever*. Folks here really try their best to engage...
An actual Burma Shave [Cream] Sign from the Route 66 Museum...
.
.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Melina - keep reminding yourself nothing is wrong. The AV will find any and all opportunities to twist your thinking around. You ARE doing the right things for yourself. It will be an adjustment period, for sure - but in the long run, less stressful. No icky commute, no boyfriend stress, YOUR OWN SPACE, the way you want it. Tell the AV that the new apartment is a no booze zone, period. Fill it up with nice candles, aromatherapy, comfy chair, luxurious bedding, whatever relaxes you. Make it your happy place. Is it in a neighborhood with nice coffee shops and restaurants or other things to do? Find your favorite place to hang out. Make this the year of Melina.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
That was the strangest interview I have ever done…and to be fair I have done some peculiar ones in my time.
Arrived 10 minutes early…so far so good…to be kept waiting for about 5 minutes until someone came out to greet me, even though I could see a gaggle of ladies through the glass and they could clearly see me.
Onto the actual interview…I was asked some bizarre questions about my background, including “why did you apply for this when you have no experience in the legal field?” To which I pointed out that the advertisement said “no experience required as training will be provided”. Then he began asking me what my parents did. I told him and I said I would know a little about the law from listening to my dad. A gruff laugh…followed by “sure what would your dad know about a solicitors practice? What did he do? ” Me: “Well he would know something I hope considering that he worked in the legal field”. Another laugh followed by “what would someone who worked in the legal field know about a solicitors practice?” Me: ??????????????
I found him nosy and peculiar. He went through every member of my family, my mom, brother, sister, the neighbour’s dog, including was I related to the people who own Smiths Pub? I said no, to be greeted by another laugh and “so you are not related to the Smith Alcoholics then?” Me: ?????????????????
Then he asked me how would I feel about meeting and greeting clients? I was sorely tempted to reply that considering I was kept waiting a full 5 minutes, I would do a better job than the staff already there.
The afternoon finished up delightfully by asking me if I had a family. This type of question is discrimination and against the law. You would think for a law firm they would stick to legal guidelines.
He asked me how soon could I start and I am afraid I am going to get offered this!
Typical…don’t get the job I really wanted and get stuck with this!!!!
Arrived 10 minutes early…so far so good…to be kept waiting for about 5 minutes until someone came out to greet me, even though I could see a gaggle of ladies through the glass and they could clearly see me.
Onto the actual interview…I was asked some bizarre questions about my background, including “why did you apply for this when you have no experience in the legal field?” To which I pointed out that the advertisement said “no experience required as training will be provided”. Then he began asking me what my parents did. I told him and I said I would know a little about the law from listening to my dad. A gruff laugh…followed by “sure what would your dad know about a solicitors practice? What did he do? ” Me: “Well he would know something I hope considering that he worked in the legal field”. Another laugh followed by “what would someone who worked in the legal field know about a solicitors practice?” Me: ??????????????
I found him nosy and peculiar. He went through every member of my family, my mom, brother, sister, the neighbour’s dog, including was I related to the people who own Smiths Pub? I said no, to be greeted by another laugh and “so you are not related to the Smith Alcoholics then?” Me: ?????????????????
Then he asked me how would I feel about meeting and greeting clients? I was sorely tempted to reply that considering I was kept waiting a full 5 minutes, I would do a better job than the staff already there.
The afternoon finished up delightfully by asking me if I had a family. This type of question is discrimination and against the law. You would think for a law firm they would stick to legal guidelines.
He asked me how soon could I start and I am afraid I am going to get offered this!
Typical…don’t get the job I really wanted and get stuck with this!!!!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
If you are offered the job Tetra then take it and keep looking for a job you actually want - at least you will be getting paid while you search
My jaw swelled up badly Jen when I had my back most molar extracted. Most unpleasant but not long lasting
Melina - moving is stressful pretty much whatever the circumstances but like Soberpotamus's swollen jaw it passes quickly once you are in. Hopefully you can move in prior 1st Feb
I spent a long time with boss's customers. Alarmingly we shared some drinking anecdotes (some of which were true in my case, though not the best ones). I ended up by asking them how much we usually charge, the figure they gave me was more than I had mentally costed it so I bit their hand off
My jaw swelled up badly Jen when I had my back most molar extracted. Most unpleasant but not long lasting
Melina - moving is stressful pretty much whatever the circumstances but like Soberpotamus's swollen jaw it passes quickly once you are in. Hopefully you can move in prior 1st Feb
I spent a long time with boss's customers. Alarmingly we shared some drinking anecdotes (some of which were true in my case, though not the best ones). I ended up by asking them how much we usually charge, the figure they gave me was more than I had mentally costed it so I bit their hand off
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Tetra, why is the position vacant? Sounds like a bad work environment and honestly, one to run from if offered - regardless. You want a job but you're not that desperate.
Surprisingly, the WORST employers I've seen for asking off limits questions have been law firms. Tetra, the interview sounds odd and the guy sounds like a yucky person.
MLD, ditto what Melina said about a visit to Chicago. Friendly faces might help make things easier if you do come to visit at some point.
Now that Alan Rickman quote is just sad. Reminds me of a Christopher Lee quote where he said something along the lines of the disadvantage of living to an advanced age is that there are so very few people around to whom you can turn and ask "do you remember when?"
Surprisingly, the WORST employers I've seen for asking off limits questions have been law firms. Tetra, the interview sounds odd and the guy sounds like a yucky person.
MLD, ditto what Melina said about a visit to Chicago. Friendly faces might help make things easier if you do come to visit at some point.
Now that Alan Rickman quote is just sad. Reminds me of a Christopher Lee quote where he said something along the lines of the disadvantage of living to an advanced age is that there are so very few people around to whom you can turn and ask "do you remember when?"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Tetra, I'm just curious on the timing. You arrived 10 minutes early and waited 5 minutes? Or did you wait 5 minutes past your appointment time?
Would you be reporting to the same guy who interviewed you?
I agree with sao -- take the job if offered, it can't hurt.
Would you be reporting to the same guy who interviewed you?
I agree with sao -- take the job if offered, it can't hurt.
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