zigzagging

I am on day 11 today, and I have told family and a few people at work that I have stopped drinking, they seem to think that I am possibly doing this for January (like a lot of normal drinkers) but hopefully they will realize the longer I can keep this going that I am serious about making this change in my life. The disappointing thing I found was every person that I told not one person said well done you, they all questioned it, like saying "Why? whats wrong with you?", I guess they are used to me always drinking, that is quite sad isn't it if you think about it, these are family and friends, not offering to help me when they knew how much I was drinking but questioning it when I decide to give it up, it's a mad world. My husband seems to think that I am going to start drinking again soon, he actually said to me last night when I announced that I was pleased with making 10 days without a drink and you know what he said, yep you guessed it, shall we have a drink this weekend to celebrate!!! I told him to have a drink if he wants to but I won't be drinking so get used to it, I wish people would take this seriously otherwise I will probably crack soon and start drinking again, gotta be strong for myself as it looks like I am going alone on this. Glad I have you guys here as I like popping back in here daily, it is actually helping, don't know how but it is, I guess it's having that someone to talk to and knowing that you all understand and don't judge me, so I thank you all for just being here.

sleepie

We are with you zigzag.
Sometimes it's best kept to those who "get it". I live with an enabler, my bf who I adore. But, he fails at this sobriety endeavor I've been on.

We've got you zigzag, stay strong. And, congrats on Day 11!

loulou1981

Here with u zigzag......my partner & i argued last nite about my sobriety. He isn't an enabler but is of the frame of mind "uve failed at quitting before, so ill believe it when i c it"!!! I found this hurtful, but i have to respect him for feeling let down.
Have u considered telling people about ur struggles?? That way u may find ull get more support. Ive told about 4 people the full truth & the rest ive just said "im not a good drinker" (if there's such a thing)!!!!??
But as u said, we're all here for u, we don't judge each other as we've all bn there!!!x

stevepearce

Hi zigzag and welcome to SR. I totally get what you are saying. It is the same for me. My wife drinks and just doesn't get it. I'm only on day 20 but have realised that yes it is down to me. BUT I'm ok with that. From being on this site I know it is possible. And what will help make it possible will be building a sober network, both on-line and the few people I find in real life (there will be some) as support. So stick around !You've got to work it for it to work, so work it because you are worth it. I wish you strength on your journey my friend.

zigzagging

Yeah I have thought about telling people that I am struggling with this, but I'm not sure they would take it too seriously, would probably think I'm being a drama queen, I think I have probably hidden from most of them just how much I do, sorry did drink, and that it has been every single day for years, so I don't think they understand just how addicted I have become - to be honest I didn't realize it myself until very recently. I don't know I think I will keep going and hope they get used to the sober me, hope I'm not a disappointment to them - probably gonna be boring now lol - but no I have all you here for me so thats enough for now, group hug guys and thanks again

zigzagging

Thanks stevepearce, and congrats on 20 days

Alegresempre

Hi zigzag congratulations on 11 days!
Remember your sobriety is yours you are doing it for yourself, don't care what other people think, you are in your journey , they are on theirs, so let them say and do (drink)
whatever they want and you keep strong for
Yourself, life is precious and alcohol kills many , we are here to keep you focus.
I'm really happy in my sobriety, life is beautiful , hugs,
Mo😊

PurpleKnight

I was in a conversation with a guy at work the other day and I it came up that I don't drink, and he said "so are you doing "dry January " for any particular charity?", to which I responded "no, I just don't drink"!!

The concept can be lost on many, but that's their problem and not ours!!

Keep pushing through Zigzagging!!

Dee74

Hey ZZ

a lot of people didn't have a lot of faith in me by the end...but then neither did I.

We can rebuild fences, regain trust and be that person we want to be again - it just takes a little work, time, patience and faith

...and...you are never alone here

stay with us
D

jimmyhow

Hi zigzagging, I'm in exactly the same boat and know how you feel. Every time I've tried to stop I've had little to no support and from some people actual discouragement. Saying you are stopping drinking raises questions about other's drinking habits and they don't seem to like it. It's a bigger deal than it ought to be I've found. Just dig your heels in and don't give in for the sake of other people. If they're that hell-bent on the idea of you drinking then that's their problem not yours.

IMO, where loved ones are concerned, explain your reasons for stopping as beat you can, but make sure they understand it's not up for debate. Everybody else, just tell to **** off! I'm joking, but it's really none of their business and they certainly have no right to tell you what to do with your own body. I just say 'drinking sends me to sleep so what's the point?'

I've tried and failed quite a few time and people stopped listening to me when I say I'm trying to stop. I now say that I keep failing because it's hard to stop, and not that I just change my mind.

I made the mistake of saying I keep failing because I get no support which just caused another row along the lines of 'so nkw it's my fault?!' It's better to politely ask for support than to blame people for the lack of it IMO. I learned that the hard way.

Congratulations on 11 days. I'm sure you'll get 11 more. A d 11 more. And 11 more and...

Marcher13

zigzagging I know what you mean about other people but don't worry whether they believe it or not. Keep working on your recovery and they'll come to realise you are for real.

And you're not alone in this because you are one of the SR family. We are all in this together.

firstymer

I think it is the beautiful paradox about SR for me. That, while ultimately faced alone the challenge of sobriety, I had the support and guidance of all of you. So, in that sense, I have never felt alone. I wish the same for you.

trachemys

You are not alone.

least

You must stay sober for yourself and your well being, no matter what others say or do. No one else can 'make' you drink.

Cleomie

Ditto
You're not alone. You're part of SR.

ALinNS

ZZ, The decision to stop is only one you can make and have made but you are not alone, we are here. Join an AA group or similar to make some new contacts because they know exactly what you are or have gone through and it makes it so much easier for a recovering alcoholic to talk to another recovering, its one of the reasons AA works and no I do not push AA, it's only a part of my plan and not the key to my personal recovery.

People around me if I reflect way back did not understand why I was not drinking, some were in hindsight alcoholics themselves others were normal drinkers that had known me for years, we were all highly educated but the AV doesn't care who you are, who you know, how achieved you may be in life it can and will take you down from a supreme court judge to someone who sweeps floors. Personally if I was put into that situation in the past I said I can't drink and left it at that. Close friends I would tell them I am a recovering alcoholic and leave it at that.

Keep up the great work and have a super day

Andrew

Soberwolf

Keep up the good work Zig

SoberinSyracuse

Just remind myself that you don't need anybody's approval or affirmation to do this thing, which you know is right for you. Many of these people in your life will come to accept it (not necessarily understand it) in time.

Also remember that as a sober person, you are now "qualified" for a whole new social realm -- all those bazillion people out there who don't drink, and prefer sober fun and friendships. So, expect that with a little effort you will expand your circle to include new people.

Keep on going!

GhostFace

I had this problem in my early sobriety and still going through it today. Some of my friends are waiting for me to slip, others are in disgust and disbelief, why a few congratulate me for taking on this journey.

What works for me is not caring what others think. I thought about even getting away from my family from all the peer pressure but that would make me weak. That means others have more control of me since I'm letting them influence my thoughts and putting pressure on me drinking is not going to work.

bluedog97

I can relate to this as well. I struggle with this with certain people too, especially my family. They seem to think how on earth could I have a drinking problem. Despite the fact that I've spent time in hospitals, treatment centers, etc. It's denial, plain and simple or they're simply not aware.

I've gotten a lot out of this thread.