Sobriety Blatherings: 18 months.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Sobriety Blatherings: 18 months.
I have been sober for 18 months. I am feeling solid in my sobriety. I honestly have never even come close to drinking in the last 18 months. I don’t like speaking in absolutes (I still can’t shake the silly idea of “jinxing” something) but I can honestly say that I was done with alcohol in June 2014. I was done. I explored every path to misery many time. If one way of drinking didn’t work anymore, I tried another. Switched vodka to beer? Tried that. Switched beer to wine? Tried that. I tried every form of moderation that has ever been discussed in this forum since this forum started in what, 2004’ish? I joined in 2010 but I’ve read back posts dating to 2004. Thousands. I have yet to read about any form of moderation management/controlling the drinking where I think Oh, why didn’t I try that? I did try that.
My body rejected it. My brain was in pain. I thought I had done serious brain damage. My insides were in pain. I had damaged one of my vital organs. You can guess which one.
In the past month I’ve had two interesting and unexpected experiences related to my sobriety. I sobered up secretly at first. I didn’t even tell anyone I was stopping. Why would they believe me? I made a game out of it. You people don’t believe I’m going to stop drinking and never drink again? Just watch me.
It is true that some people will wonder why you do no drink alcohol. Some people are genuinely curious. Somehow I managed 17 months without ever really officially coming out with the full extent of my drinking problem. People who I spent a lot of time with during the years of 2006-2014 knew the extent of my problem. They saw crying fits, angry fits, slurred phone conversations on weeknights (and weekends), drunk texts, drunk facebook posts, and I may as well say it: I looked like ----. Red face, bloated face, bloated red eyes. I told people slowly when they would ask and everyone accepted it without any real questions.
I started a new job last summer and I like my coworkers. We do not hang outside of work but they do plan happy hours every Friday and are enthusiastic about inviting everyone. They cajoled me into going and I had no problem going and drinking soda. At that point I had a year of practice under my belt but I did always wonder if someone would ask why I wasn’t drinking. It never really seemed to come up.
I feel strongly, at least in my profession, that I will never come out to my coworkers, ever, about my history of drinking. I will never. I am a non-drinker. Not much different than the Mormon down the hall or anyone else who doesn’t drink. I made a deal with myself in June 2014 that alcohol was out of my life, including telling anyone who I did not know before 2014. And again, NEVER coworkers. We work together. If I need a shrink, I’d go to a shrink.
So at the last happy hour, must’ve been the third one I’d gone to, a coworker, one I’m not particularly close with asked me, “So, do you drink?” I wasn’t thinking but just quietly responded “No.” That was a bit more forward than I would have planned. Then he asked, “At all?” I made eye contact and said, “No.”
You know how you can tell when somebody means something and they’re not being coy about it? That’s how I said it, without even really trying to. The conversation moved on immediately and I haven’t heard anything since.
It’s not a huge deal, but it was kind of a “Whoa, oh……I just kinda let him in on my secret.” I am neither proud nor ashamed of it. It just kinda happened!
But because this has been a topic often discussed on here (with me as an enthusiastic commentator) it was the first time I sorta went against what I always preach (don’t tell your coworkers). Does he know? Who knows. Did he speculate? Who cares?
What I’ve learned from this is that there is nothing to gossip about someone who doesn’t drink. What would there be to gossip about? Oh, see Melinda over there? She doesn’t drink. Like, at all. Get a load of that. She doesn’t drink. There is no “there” there.
The second situation was a friend visiting from out of town and she said she thought we should get a six pack of beer on the way home and then she said “Oh, oh oh, you don’t drink anymore, right? Like forever?”
Well it was here in the privacy of the car where without even thinking about it, I let it all out. It was sorta the old “slow motion” thing where you can’t believe the words that are coming out of your own mouth. I said “I was a serious alcoholic. I drank every night for years, like 12 beers a night. Every night. I got so used to it I didn’t even think about it much at the time.” She was silent and nodded after awhile. She changed the subject pretty quickly. I told her she can ask me anything she likes if she is curious about it, but I did ask her not to discuss it with anyone else and I did make it clear that I do not publicly label myself as an alcoholic so I would appreciate if she would not refer to me as an alcoholic, my former drinking problem, or anything like that to any of our numerous mutual friends.
Again, like with the coworker, I had some goosebumps and a little tremble but afterwards I realized that I really don’t care.
If I had ANY, ANY inkling of an inkling to EVER drink alcohol again I would be sick with myself for opening up to these people but because I don’t, I really don’t care at all.
My body rejected it. My brain was in pain. I thought I had done serious brain damage. My insides were in pain. I had damaged one of my vital organs. You can guess which one.
In the past month I’ve had two interesting and unexpected experiences related to my sobriety. I sobered up secretly at first. I didn’t even tell anyone I was stopping. Why would they believe me? I made a game out of it. You people don’t believe I’m going to stop drinking and never drink again? Just watch me.
It is true that some people will wonder why you do no drink alcohol. Some people are genuinely curious. Somehow I managed 17 months without ever really officially coming out with the full extent of my drinking problem. People who I spent a lot of time with during the years of 2006-2014 knew the extent of my problem. They saw crying fits, angry fits, slurred phone conversations on weeknights (and weekends), drunk texts, drunk facebook posts, and I may as well say it: I looked like ----. Red face, bloated face, bloated red eyes. I told people slowly when they would ask and everyone accepted it without any real questions.
I started a new job last summer and I like my coworkers. We do not hang outside of work but they do plan happy hours every Friday and are enthusiastic about inviting everyone. They cajoled me into going and I had no problem going and drinking soda. At that point I had a year of practice under my belt but I did always wonder if someone would ask why I wasn’t drinking. It never really seemed to come up.
I feel strongly, at least in my profession, that I will never come out to my coworkers, ever, about my history of drinking. I will never. I am a non-drinker. Not much different than the Mormon down the hall or anyone else who doesn’t drink. I made a deal with myself in June 2014 that alcohol was out of my life, including telling anyone who I did not know before 2014. And again, NEVER coworkers. We work together. If I need a shrink, I’d go to a shrink.
So at the last happy hour, must’ve been the third one I’d gone to, a coworker, one I’m not particularly close with asked me, “So, do you drink?” I wasn’t thinking but just quietly responded “No.” That was a bit more forward than I would have planned. Then he asked, “At all?” I made eye contact and said, “No.”
You know how you can tell when somebody means something and they’re not being coy about it? That’s how I said it, without even really trying to. The conversation moved on immediately and I haven’t heard anything since.
It’s not a huge deal, but it was kind of a “Whoa, oh……I just kinda let him in on my secret.” I am neither proud nor ashamed of it. It just kinda happened!
But because this has been a topic often discussed on here (with me as an enthusiastic commentator) it was the first time I sorta went against what I always preach (don’t tell your coworkers). Does he know? Who knows. Did he speculate? Who cares?
What I’ve learned from this is that there is nothing to gossip about someone who doesn’t drink. What would there be to gossip about? Oh, see Melinda over there? She doesn’t drink. Like, at all. Get a load of that. She doesn’t drink. There is no “there” there.
The second situation was a friend visiting from out of town and she said she thought we should get a six pack of beer on the way home and then she said “Oh, oh oh, you don’t drink anymore, right? Like forever?”
Well it was here in the privacy of the car where without even thinking about it, I let it all out. It was sorta the old “slow motion” thing where you can’t believe the words that are coming out of your own mouth. I said “I was a serious alcoholic. I drank every night for years, like 12 beers a night. Every night. I got so used to it I didn’t even think about it much at the time.” She was silent and nodded after awhile. She changed the subject pretty quickly. I told her she can ask me anything she likes if she is curious about it, but I did ask her not to discuss it with anyone else and I did make it clear that I do not publicly label myself as an alcoholic so I would appreciate if she would not refer to me as an alcoholic, my former drinking problem, or anything like that to any of our numerous mutual friends.
Again, like with the coworker, I had some goosebumps and a little tremble but afterwards I realized that I really don’t care.
If I had ANY, ANY inkling of an inkling to EVER drink alcohol again I would be sick with myself for opening up to these people but because I don’t, I really don’t care at all.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Congratulations on 18 months Melinda
I think you are right not to formally "come out" as it just adds pressure to yourself. I have worked at my company for a lot longer than the year I have been sober so I did mention to a few people at work that I no longer drink and left it at that. My experience has been that people are less surprised and curious than I thought they would be
At large I think society is more aware of the harm caused by alcohol than it ever has been so that it is less surprising when an individual says they have quit or want to quit
I am a big admirer of your posts Melinda, I love the way you are able to express what I too am thinking
I think you are right not to formally "come out" as it just adds pressure to yourself. I have worked at my company for a lot longer than the year I have been sober so I did mention to a few people at work that I no longer drink and left it at that. My experience has been that people are less surprised and curious than I thought they would be
At large I think society is more aware of the harm caused by alcohol than it ever has been so that it is less surprising when an individual says they have quit or want to quit
I am a big admirer of your posts Melinda, I love the way you are able to express what I too am thinking
Congratulations on 18 Months!! That's so wonderful! Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
18 Months is amazing!! It's really none of anyone's business why you don't drink. I tell people, I was lush, and now I'm too old to drink anymore. They look confused, I don't really care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Melinda, congratulations on your 18 months! And thank you, as always, for another thoughtful post.
What you've shared here goes straight to the core of why we came here. Now, there is no "there" there for us.
We stay here to keep it that way.
There are wise souls on SR. There are people who fall into the "when he/she speaks, I listen" category. You are among them.
Thank you for being an exemplar to our fellow journeyers.
It is all possible. It is all entirely possible.
What you've shared here goes straight to the core of why we came here. Now, there is no "there" there for us.
We stay here to keep it that way.
There are wise souls on SR. There are people who fall into the "when he/she speaks, I listen" category. You are among them.
Thank you for being an exemplar to our fellow journeyers.
It is all possible. It is all entirely possible.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
I love your posts. The way you express yourself... You know that alcohol took you down hard and you never forget that. I like when you post about that bc I can FEEL it, the nausea, the misery, the terrible quality of life.
You always take me back there where I lived too, and when I finish your posts I take a deep breath and I'm grateful for where the both of us are now.
I started a new job last week and this gave me something to think about as well.
xoxo
You always take me back there where I lived too, and when I finish your posts I take a deep breath and I'm grateful for where the both of us are now.
I started a new job last week and this gave me something to think about as well.
xoxo
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
