mbrown400

I'm a people pleaser and I'm working on saying no to people it's feels so strange and people get mad because they are use to me saying yes but I have to start setting boundaries I was told but setting boundaries makes me want to drink I have 14 days

ALinNS

Congratulations on 14 days, counseling will help with the people pleaser personality or we can think to ourselves who is more important as we generally know what happens when we drink, sobriety or pleasing these people. It may also be time to look for people who will be a positive impact on your life, having to please people all the time takes a lot of energy and will wear you down, just my experience/opinion.

Andrew

doggonecarl

Well, by deciding on sobriety you are setting a boundary on alcohol. One you can't cross. Say no to the idea of drinking.

soberclover

It does take practice saying "no". I had to even practice in front of a mirror to just see and feel what it felt like to say it..........I'm really good at it now! Congratulations on your 14 days.....do whatever you need to do to protect your recovery!

teatreeoil007

I think the most common reason for ppl pleasing is because it makes you feel good, but it's much better if you can somehow mainly be pleased with yourself... On the other hand maybe you just don't have the heart to say no... Maybe you're a softy that way. ..nothing wrong with having a big heart; you got to find the right balance

But needing to please others too much can ultimately drain you as it basically pulls you away from your authentic self...

Fly N Buy

Well done on two weeks!!

At two weeks sober and for many weeks afterwards my main focus was not drinking and using the support channels in front of me. Most other things were to advanced to even concern myself with. Just Don't Drink was a pretty good mantra I followed.

Keep coming back!

Seep9871

I have a similar problem. Would love to keep up on your progress and any advice.

SillyHuman

Congats on two weeks! Saying "no" is just like quitting drinking. It gets easier with practice.

IronPhoenix

This fight, this journey isn't about other people. It is about taking care of you mbrown400. You can do this!

JD4010

I hate being the bearer of bad news. That makes it really difficult at work, since I'm a manager. I hate having to say no to any of the employees who answer to me. But my boss expects me to, of course.

I even have a hard time saying "no" to my ex wife. "Can you come over and shovel the driveway? The snow is really heavy". OK, yeah, I'll be right over.

I've been this way since...forever.

Nonsensical

There's a skill to saying no in a way that doesn't sound like "no".

Rather like the difference between saying "Painting this red would be stupid!" and "I think this would look great if we painted it blue!"

I was a Navy Officer for 24 years, and I am used to my collar insignia being persuasive for me. Learning how to use my words to be persuasive is still new to me.

Great job on 14 days!

ALinNS

I still slip into this as well, x wife called a few weeks ago, car broken down on the way to work, described what happened, knew exactly what the problem was and I could fix it and she could not afford to, We talk maybe every 4 months if that so what do I do? Jump in my truck, tools loaded and drive over an hour to get her car going, when I should have honestly said no. It does take a lot of work for some of us, I hate the word no but working on it also.

Soberwolf

Boundaries are very important i read a excellent book on it

FormerWineGirl

I used to be a people pleaser, but I got over it. I think it's all in the delivery. People will eventually get used to you not being at their becon call, just as they got used to you being a "yes" person. I agree with everyone else: protect your sobriety first, even if saying "no" makes someone pout. They will get over it

PurpleKnight

2 Weeks is fantastic!!

It's definitely a skill, but it can be learned, the main thing is not let it affect your Sobriety!!