So Embarrassed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1
So Embarrassed
Hi,
I have been struggling for a few years hiding my drinking habits from my husband.
I run my own business but try to get home before my husband (who dosnt drink) so I can drink then chew gum /brush teeth etc
I do also drink in front of him and usually stay up late to drink more.
I pour water into my bottle of prosecco and leave it in the fridge so he would not know how much I have drank.
Tonight as I was making a big deal of pouring the prosecco (water) down the sink saying I hadn't drank it and it had gone flat pretending not to care, he said yes it has gone very flat!!! Almost like WATER!! So although We have not spiking about it I know I have been rumbled!! How can I stop Iv tried so hard or if my husband drank would I not feel so guilt to be hiding how much I drink
Sorry for the long post as a newbie I needed to get that out
Xxx
I have been struggling for a few years hiding my drinking habits from my husband.
I run my own business but try to get home before my husband (who dosnt drink) so I can drink then chew gum /brush teeth etc
I do also drink in front of him and usually stay up late to drink more.
I pour water into my bottle of prosecco and leave it in the fridge so he would not know how much I have drank.
Tonight as I was making a big deal of pouring the prosecco (water) down the sink saying I hadn't drank it and it had gone flat pretending not to care, he said yes it has gone very flat!!! Almost like WATER!! So although We have not spiking about it I know I have been rumbled!! How can I stop Iv tried so hard or if my husband drank would I not feel so guilt to be hiding how much I drink
Sorry for the long post as a newbie I needed to get that out
Xxx
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
There is a long list of bad things that left my life when I quit drinking. This forum can give you the help you need to quit, but you need to read around and post often.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Welcome to SR Kerr
I would spend some time on this forum and read about other people's experiences, you are not alone in not knowing how to quit. But you CAN do it Kerr
Quitting is hard but for people like us moderation is harder/ impossible
You sound like you want to quit and I am sure that you can
Good luck
I would spend some time on this forum and read about other people's experiences, you are not alone in not knowing how to quit. But you CAN do it Kerr
Quitting is hard but for people like us moderation is harder/ impossible
You sound like you want to quit and I am sure that you can
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 2,671
is there any chance you can sit your Husband down and just let him know how the drinking has escalated and that you would like support to quit? You might feel like a weight has been lifted.. I felt relief when I told my Mum about my drinking..
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Hiding your drinking behavior is a sure sign that you've joined the right website. Welcome to SR!
I think most of us who live with other's try to hide it. I can remember adding a little vodka a can of diet coke while I watched my child's soccer game. I don't think anyone caught on, I bet they just thought I liked to drink a lot of diet coke.
I think most of us who live with other's try to hide it. I can remember adding a little vodka a can of diet coke while I watched my child's soccer game. I don't think anyone caught on, I bet they just thought I liked to drink a lot of diet coke.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 2,671
Originally Posted by Zebra1275 
Hiding your drinking behavior is a sure sign that you've joined the right website. Welcome to SR!
I think most of us who live with other's try to hide it. I can remember adding a little vodka a can of diet coke while I watched my child's soccer game. I don't think anyone caught on, I bet they just thought I liked to drink a lot of diet coke.
I think most of us who live with other's try to hide it. I can remember adding a little vodka a can of diet coke while I watched my child's soccer game. I don't think anyone caught on, I bet they just thought I liked to drink a lot of diet coke.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Welcome, and yes, you can stop drinking. It takes some hard work, but you can do it. Talking to your husband might be a good idea, but do keep reading and posting here because there is lots of support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi Kerr, don't look at it as a bad thing that the cat's out of the bag, so to speak. Look at it as a turning point for you to do something about your drinking. Are you comfortable talking to him about it, and being very honest about your alcohol use - and that you are ready to quit drinking?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 77
This is exactly how my drinking started to escalate. My husband doesn't drink and didn't want me drinking AT ALL, EVER. So I was in a bit more of an extreme situation. However, I know that the turning point in my relationship with alcohol was when I started to hide it and do it in secret. For me the choice to drink or not was taken away from me entirely, I was told I was not allowed to under any circumstances because it was against my husband's beliefs and perhaps that triggered off something compulsive in my brain. whatever the reasons I know that as soon as I started secretly drinking and lying and hiding it I had set off on a miserable path that just got worse and worse.
Try to shake off that feeling of shame, its not helpful to you and its unjustified. Its likely you're dealing with stresses in the wrong way by self-medicating with alcohol, people do all sorts of things compulsively when trying to block out unpleasant sensations but ultimately this won't help, alcohol makes everything worse, it will make you depressed, anxious, tired, ill and it will isolate you. You end up in your own world of booze with more and more of your time taken up with planning when and how you'll drink, covering your tracks from those around you and worrying about whether or not you've been found out or not.
Any deceptive behaviour around alcohol is a big worry. If you can come clean to your husband it might help you nip this in the bud before it gets worse.
The good news is you found this forum and honestly, it will help you no end having this community here, it's helped me so much even in the short time that I've been sober. Unfortunately alcohol abuse is really a hidden issue with huge stigma attached but if you take a look around this site you will find every kind of person from all walks of life who have all been there and understand. It's a huge comfort!
Try to shake off that feeling of shame, its not helpful to you and its unjustified. Its likely you're dealing with stresses in the wrong way by self-medicating with alcohol, people do all sorts of things compulsively when trying to block out unpleasant sensations but ultimately this won't help, alcohol makes everything worse, it will make you depressed, anxious, tired, ill and it will isolate you. You end up in your own world of booze with more and more of your time taken up with planning when and how you'll drink, covering your tracks from those around you and worrying about whether or not you've been found out or not.
Any deceptive behaviour around alcohol is a big worry. If you can come clean to your husband it might help you nip this in the bud before it gets worse.
The good news is you found this forum and honestly, it will help you no end having this community here, it's helped me so much even in the short time that I've been sober. Unfortunately alcohol abuse is really a hidden issue with huge stigma attached but if you take a look around this site you will find every kind of person from all walks of life who have all been there and understand. It's a huge comfort!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Welcome, Kerr!
It is really exhausting doing the bottle rotation isn't it....if you added 'bottle hide and seek' with the recycle bin, your post could have been me in my drinking days.
Completely quitting alcohol has given me much nicer ways to spend my time.
Please stick around- reading a lot and posting here is so helpful. You will find you are not alone!
It is really exhausting doing the bottle rotation isn't it....if you added 'bottle hide and seek' with the recycle bin, your post could have been me in my drinking days.
Completely quitting alcohol has given me much nicer ways to spend my time. Please stick around- reading a lot and posting here is so helpful. You will find you are not alone!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family! You can get sober and live a much better life without the lying and hiding. I used to hide my drinking from my kids but they knew it. 
It was such a relief to just stop drinking.
I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.
You can get sober and live a much better life without the lying and hiding. I used to hide my drinking from my kids but they knew it. 
It was such a relief to just stop drinking. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Kerr
Like others have said it may not be the worst thing in the world being rumbled
This place is fuill of folks who've stopped drinking...read around, post as much as you like - see what methods other people are using - AA or some other recovery group, seeing their Dr or a counsellor, some form of rehab inpatienmt or outpatient, just posting here regularly....or maybe a combination of things?
you'll find a ton of support and understanding here
D
Like others have said it may not be the worst thing in the world being rumbled
This place is fuill of folks who've stopped drinking...read around, post as much as you like - see what methods other people are using - AA or some other recovery group, seeing their Dr or a counsellor, some form of rehab inpatienmt or outpatient, just posting here regularly....or maybe a combination of things?
you'll find a ton of support and understanding here
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Not to minimize how you feel....but, let go of the embarrassment and shame. Be you; come as you are type of thing. We've all felt like fools. There is more compassion in the world than most of us are aware of.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Kerr - it will really help you to be here with us.
I was in a similar situation when I finally got disgusted with myself. It was exhausting trying to manage my drinking. In the end, it was never worth it. You'll feel so much better being free of it.
I was in a similar situation when I finally got disgusted with myself. It was exhausting trying to manage my drinking. In the end, it was never worth it. You'll feel so much better being free of it.
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