Am I fooling myself?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: kent
Posts: 39
Am I fooling myself?
Hi I am on day 9 today and feeling very pleased with myself. I have been jumping back on here a couple of times a day, not always to post just to read others posts and feel part of the group, which is helping me get through this. But on reading others stories about how they get back on the downward slope again if they have just one more drink has me worried as I set out to give up drinking for a good long time (I haven't set a time scale ) but thought that if I broke the habit of drinking every night that eventually I would be able to have the odd drink socially and be fine, like back in the old days when I could take it or leave it. Am I fooling myself, is this realistic, will I be able to have the odd drink and not be dragged down again? Has anyone else managed this on here? I have been drinking everyday for some years now and it became a problem because I was trying to escape something horrible in my life, but decided to say enough's enough the thing that started my drinking isn't going away and I'm just letting it beat me and put me in an early grave, but I would still like to be able to have the odd drink perhaps at a birthday party or xmas - not get drunk - just have a drink with friends or family without it becoming a problem. What do you all think, is it possible?
Thanks for reading .
Thanks for reading .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
All any of us can do is share our support, experience, and education but I know I cant ever go back and be a normal drinker. In the beginnings of my struggles that was a really depressing idea but as time went by I have more and more wanted to be a person who doesn't drink. For me, drinking never brought me anything good so I try no to romance the idea. Sure a cold beer may taste good but so does a cold coke zero. Maybe it will be different for you. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. John
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by zigzagging 
Am I fooling myself
I can tell you that I followed a few people who swore they had found the answer. Among them, the Audrey Conn, who started Moderation Management, the gal who wrote My Way Out, and Olivier Amesien (better known in France). They no longer moderate. I believe Audrey is in prison. She killed a man and his 12 year old daughter while driving drunk. Amesien is dead, and so are three of his followers (that I know of), they died of Amesien's method. The other is abstinent.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Are you an alcoholic? Only you can answer that question. If so, your answer, in a word:
Yep!
Alcoholics can absolutely recover from drinking alcoholically. But only if we stop drinking, period.
I entertained those thoughts for a loooong time. Like you, I lived quite a while being fine and drinking like a normal person. At some point, somewhere, I lost that. I couldn't drink like a normal person anymore.
I've spent years dealing with any and everything that "made me drink" before.
While im glad to have done the work, and plan to continue with the growth because it helps me and makes me happy, im under no illusions that I'm "cured."
If I drink, I'll go right back to that place of feeling like crap and wanting to drink more. In no time. No glass of zin on my birthday is going to be worth that.
Yep!
Alcoholics can absolutely recover from drinking alcoholically. But only if we stop drinking, period.
I entertained those thoughts for a loooong time. Like you, I lived quite a while being fine and drinking like a normal person. At some point, somewhere, I lost that. I couldn't drink like a normal person anymore.
I've spent years dealing with any and everything that "made me drink" before.
While im glad to have done the work, and plan to continue with the growth because it helps me and makes me happy, im under no illusions that I'm "cured."
If I drink, I'll go right back to that place of feeling like crap and wanting to drink more. In no time. No glass of zin on my birthday is going to be worth that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I stopped drinking for almost two decades.
When I started again, I had a little control - for a while. Within a short time I was back to daily drinking. A couple more years and I was drinking way too much, upwards of 12-15 units several times a week, and 4-6 the other nights. There were no "off" days. I crossed a line that cannot be un-crossed. I am not trying that again.
When I started again, I had a little control - for a while. Within a short time I was back to daily drinking. A couple more years and I was drinking way too much, upwards of 12-15 units several times a week, and 4-6 the other nights. There were no "off" days. I crossed a line that cannot be un-crossed. I am not trying that again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
I tried to drink normally and failed. Not drinking is my only option now, and to be honest I'm glad that it is. Drinking became too much of a commitment to me, both financially and time wise. For example tonight I drove and picked my daughter up from her guides group but when I was drinking that would've been impossible. Little things like tonight mean so much to me now.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
Congratulations on 9 days zz
Only you know if you are alcohol dependant or not but if the answer is yes then unfortunately there is no going back to being a "normal" drinker. Try not to think of that as a bad thing but instead think of it as something you as an individual has moved on from
Only you know if you are alcohol dependant or not but if the answer is yes then unfortunately there is no going back to being a "normal" drinker. Try not to think of that as a bad thing but instead think of it as something you as an individual has moved on from
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
The thing is... it doesn't really matter right now. What you need is to stay sober.
In some ways, getting sober is like a big break up. If you'd just broken up with your partner 9 days ago, it wouldn't be the time to wonder if maybe some day down the line you could hook up every now and again without it being too emotional, right? It would be the time to move on, start healing, do the crying and the mourning that you need to do, but above all else figuring out what your new life looks like.
Same same. Right now your job is to focus on building a sober life. And don't do it with the secret desire that soon enough this will all go away and you'll get back with your ex. You have to really move on from alcohol. Then if you still feel the need to try moderation, you can give it a try. It didn't work for me, but I'm me, who knows with you?
In some ways, getting sober is like a big break up. If you'd just broken up with your partner 9 days ago, it wouldn't be the time to wonder if maybe some day down the line you could hook up every now and again without it being too emotional, right? It would be the time to move on, start healing, do the crying and the mourning that you need to do, but above all else figuring out what your new life looks like.
Same same. Right now your job is to focus on building a sober life. And don't do it with the secret desire that soon enough this will all go away and you'll get back with your ex. You have to really move on from alcohol. Then if you still feel the need to try moderation, you can give it a try. It didn't work for me, but I'm me, who knows with you?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 69
I quit once for 28 days. On that 28th day I bought a bottle of wine and nursed it for 2 days. Then I stayed drunk for the next 19 months. So for me moderation isn't even conceivable. And this is coming from someone that has no dwi's, no arrests, no lost jobs due to alcohol. I just quietly drank alone...for years. Slowly wasting away in solitude and staring at the bottom of a glass. So I'm personally under no illusions...just one drink and ill be back in that perpetual ground hogs day.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I agree with the direction fantail is going. If I feel like I can have the odd drink once in awhile, then I haven't completely defined what my relationship with alcohol is....because what really is the "once in awhile drink". Knowing me...I would move that line around in the sand...a lot. That is me. I know that we are all different. I have determined that I'm an alcoholic and I know for me that means I cannot drink alcohol...ever. IF I could have the occasional drink and not have bad things happen.....I wouldn't be here. But I am (happily) here. Because I am not happy with just one drink. I would get pissed that I couldn't have more like the other people.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I'm not sure how it can even be achieved, abstain from alcohol for a bit and then magically learn the ability to moderate?
I don't think it's something that can be learned, it goes deeper than that, something that's hardwired into us, our mental makeup, our genes, who knows? but we either have it or we don't, and once we cross the line of destructive drinking, there's no going back.
I went round and round for years trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, trying to moderate, and in the end I concluded it was impossible, because I didn't have the ability to do it, and so that ship had sailed!!
I don't think it's something that can be learned, it goes deeper than that, something that's hardwired into us, our mental makeup, our genes, who knows? but we either have it or we don't, and once we cross the line of destructive drinking, there's no going back.
I went round and round for years trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, trying to moderate, and in the end I concluded it was impossible, because I didn't have the ability to do it, and so that ship had sailed!!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
but thought that if I broke the habit of drinking every night that eventually I would be able to have the odd drink socially and be fine, like back in the old days when I could take it or leave it. Am I fooling myself, is this realistic, will I be able to have the odd drink and not be dragged down again?
No amount of time off being sober would reset me.
Look up the book Under The Influence for ways in which our brains change with regular heavy drinking. I don't believe there's a way to go back.
You may be different, but I was never a normal drinker anyway.
It was always about getting wasted.
I confused abstinence for control many times.
I have no control of over my alcoholic drinking, and I never will, no matter how long I don't take a drink.
I really love being sober anyway - I hope you'll come to feel the same ZZ
D
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Do you really want to just have the odd drink here and there? After all, you liked it enough to drink every day. I told myself that I wanted to moderate, and I tried (and tried, and tried). Of course I failed miserably. But the truth is, I have no absolutely no desire to drink only occasionally, or even moderately. I drank the "wiring" in my brain into a different configuration. If I take another drink, it will light up like a Christmas tree.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by jd1639
I think most of us have tried that. It doesn't turn out well.
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