jesshonesty

I am still reading Rational Recovery-- they are big on quitting ForEVER vs AA one day at a time. I am just working on one day at a time for now. Day 4 and nervous.

Instead of drinking, when the craving hits I am
Texting or Calling a Friend in AA
Posting on this Site
Going to a meeting
Walking the dogs
Reading this site for inspiration
Drinking Tea and maybe some animal crackers
I want to journal, say more prayers in the day but I am not there yet.

Any more suggestions would be great!! I also was thinking about ordering colored pencils or paint by numbers but afraid I will "fail" at them cuz I am not artistic

Also cleaning-- I suck at it-- I would love to start cleaning corners of my place, one area at a time, but I get overwhelmed.

Thanks all for your inspiration.

ALL HELP IS SO APPRECIATED

SillyHuman

Hi angel. Detox sucks. I am sorry you have depression. Me too, sucks.

What about your health is making you anxious?

It cannot kill you if you fight back. Alone, it would be a tough battle. You need an army of support. We have one here in this thread.

Is there support you can reach out to in 3D too? A number you can call - right now - Alcoholics Anonymous or anybody else?

It is always the first drink that leads to where you are. The trick is not taking that first drink. We can help with that!

Hang in there. Big hugs to you. It's gonna be OK.

Plenny

Hi jesshonesty! Cleaning will help your brain a lot!

And remember, no one fails at art, it's all about finding your own voice and enjoying it. So if you screw up paint by numbers, you are not a paint by numbers artist. So what. You are still doing something and mistakes are part of it.

I've been working as much as possible and reading and on here, and watching netflix. You have a great plan.

Go to the grocery store and get a good combination of comforting/healthy/foods you crave. And I don't mean all in one, I mean all those things. So you have options.

I'm eating lots of greens, I'm craving them. And lots of cake.

strangeangel

Thanks. Suicide thoughts are pretty high and getting out of bed does not seem likely today. I feel like a total failure. I completely blew off everything that mattered this weekend to drink. I'm completely worth less and I just want it to end. I'm sorry I just can't handle myself. I'm so so sick of this

SillyHuman

Jess, I do paint by number because I have no artistic talent. Lately, I like the idea of coloring better because my painting is complicated and requires reading glasses to see the tiny spaces. I am not after a finished product that I can hang in my house. Somehow just playing with the colors and shapes is soothing. It can be a zen thing, really mellowing. Imagine a child lying on the floor coloring. It is the same kind of space.

Plenny

Strangeangel, once you wait it out I know your head and emotions will clear. Hang in there

SillyHuman

You are not worthless. You are alcoholic. It is a gigantic challenge to overcome. It is not something you chose to be. You can get well, just like so many here on SR have.

Today is gonna be a bad day for you, that is a given. But, it will get better. You never, ever have to go through this again! Let this morning be the beginning of the end of drinking for you. You can do it!

Glb82

Silly and Sun - I also need to get some exercise in. In the last two weeks.Ive put on 5lb/2kilos... From the 'well, if I ain't drinking, I deserve it diet' I also used to binge smoke, and don't anymore.

Not to use excuses but having a huge puppy in the flat means I can't exercise. And I have a huge crush on Jillian Michaels. I love doing her videos.

My happiness triangle used to be 'meditation, 30 mins exercise, and alcohol...' Now, I can't do any of them!

Lulu212

Morning - day 14 here. Ate like a pig again yesterday and slept again for a good 10 hours. I need to start exercising but not really feeling motivated to do so ... I keep telling myself that just not drinking is a big victory in itself, so stop the feelings of failure because I'm eating too much and not exercising. I really need to work on the self-hate and abusive language I use on myself. I know where that leads ...

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

SillyHuman

Strangeangel, here is a list of suicide hotlines:

Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!

There are other resources, forums, etc. in this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Please let us know how you are doing. I am really worried about you!

SlangLSU

Strangeangel,

I agree with Silly - Let Today be the day you decide to change!! everything gets so much better with sobriety - Give yourself that gift!

strangeangel

Thank you for the resources. I've expressed my feelings to my husband and I will keep close to him so I don't do anything stupid. Calling my therapist soon. It's amazing how intuitive dogs are. My pup has been sticking close by and knows somethings up. I feel surrounded by love, so I'll be ok. The whole thing just seems so daunting and I've been down this path for what feels like a million times and I've failed every time. So hard to figure out what will make this time different. Addiction sucks. Big time. Constantly fighting is so so hard.

Pondlady

Good Morning !
Thought I'd pop in and introduce myself and see how everyone is doing

I discovered SR 3 1/2 years ago, a life saver for me. For those who are feeling suicidal, or having bad detox...please ask for help - call your doctor, there is no shame. Alcohol muddles our brains and makes us feel hopeless.....we can't see the big picture....which is a brighter future, a sober one.

Odelle

Oh my, so many thought provoking posts this morning, and how I can relate to each and every one of them. I’ll try to respond briefly (without writing a book) to each but if I miss one, please know how precious each of you are to me.

Thump, you sound really good this morning. While it hurts letting go of a bad relationship, in the long run, it will be better for both of you. I love Fleetwood Mac, thank you for sharing the song!

Charlie, money problems are a big stress! The most important thing in overcoming them is exactly what you are doing now, getting sober and bettering yourself so that you are in the present to work through your options. I would love to take an online CBT course; I will do some internet searching to see if there is anything available in the States.

Sis, I’m still waiting for the extra weight to melt off too. With the drastic reduction in calories, you would think I would see a difference by now, but nooooo. Time to take drastic measures; exercise!

Mish, I love the notebook idea. I have a small one that I can keep in my car and will list all the reasons why I quit drinking today, before my AV highjacks my conscious will. It’s happened too many times already.

Xristoff, I second SH’s response. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others who appear to have everything, easily forgetting that there are other people in the world who would love to trade places with you. Life is not a competition to acquire material things, while it helps to make life easier in some ways, in the end, none of us will take our worldly possessions with us. Know that you are doing what some people have not and will not ever accomplish, rising from the depths of addiction and overcoming it. Now that’s something to be rightfully proud of!

Nic, great job defeating the AV! I had 8 months in ’14 and caved to the AV when it high jacked my brain in an instant, thinking I could handle one bottle of wine. A year and a half later, here I am again.

SH, I’m so glad you are in this class, you are such an inspiration. Like you, I was born into poverty, but with a childhood I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I have long since come to terms with my past and hold no resentments. I lost a sister to alcoholism (cirrhosis of the liver) 17 years ago, she was 38, beautiful on the outside, deeply tormented on the inside. My father died just months before her; he lived a very tragic life. Of the remaining siblings, all have done well enough to pull themselves out of poverty into a comfortable lifestyle, not rich by any means, but with all of life’s necessities.

Olivia, I too have worked more than 30 years, with my drinking progressing to a daily drinker over the past 10 years. 53 years young here, and trying to put back into place the healthier lifestyle I once lived and loved. My two adult children are 26 and 27, and surprise, my daughter’s name is Olivia.

Strangeangel, I feel so bad for you, because that is exactly how I was feeling just a few months ago. A lot of the depression, guilt and self-loathing is directly related to the aftermath of alcohol. Are you able to see a doctor to help you through the initial detox? You may need a helping hand to get you started, but once you get the alcohol out of your system and your body is able to heal, you will feel so much better, about you and everything!

Glb, the ups and downs in early sobriety are brutal, but hang on to your sobriety, each battle one will only make you stronger and the further you get away from poison of alcohol, the better you will feel. Hang in there!

KCW, I like your moto of living in the now instead of counting days. It is something that I have been contemplating myself!

Thumpalumpacus

Xristoff, I'm in much the same place as you, I think -- pissed away much of my life, handicapped myself. I'm putting together a plan now which will hopefully see me through my later life.

The first thing is that you have to think you can go at least one day sober. In life, "I can't" almost certainly becomes "I never did", and as you yourself point out, this is not a viable option for you. So take one day, and go without drinking.

Between October and January, I went sober and fell off perhaps six or seven times -- longest sober period was a month. That told me that I could do one day, and another, and another. You need to build your confidence, and that means you need small successes leading you into your larger battle. Take one day, and don't drink.

Go to a group. The support you will find there will help.

Get rid of all the alcohol in your house, and don't buy any more.

Wake up without a hangover, and see how addicting that can become. Jeeze, I love it.

****************************

Starting Day 18. Mmmmm, coffee. I go to work at two. Until then, will be working on my speaker-cabinet build and playing a little guitar. Might even get a song written about the girl, that's always good therapy.

Thanks for the kind words and kind thoughts, y'all. If you only knew what a real jackass I am ...

Suicide only passes your pain on to others. Is that something you really want to do?

Forgive yourself your mistakes. Get back on the horse and start riding some more.

Nothing worthwhile is easy.

Odelle

Jesshonestly, I too am far behind on the deep cleaning my house needs. I am doing what you mentioned, focusing on one task and one area at a time. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed when I look at everything that needs to be done that I end up getting nothing done. So now, by breaking it up into pieces, I am making progress, slowly but surely!

Odelle

Plenny, I used to be very artistic, drawing and painting! Artistic talent runs in my family on my mom’s side. Mom is 79 and has been taking some classes lately; three of my sisters have joined her for weekend classes. This past weekend the all went to a class with my SIL, I was invited to go but declined because it was held in winery territory and wine was being served……grrrrr!

My daughter has a degree in art so supplies are all around the house; I don’t know why I can’t seem to get motivated to pick up a pencil or brush again, it’s been more than 20 years!

SillyHuman

You all have inspired me. I am digging in to my kitchen, cleaning out cupboards of stuff we never use and food that expired a long time ago.

Two garbage bags full so far.

Odelle

Haha, SH, I did the same thing a few months ago. We had an ant invasion so I went through each cabinet and drawer, dumping so much outdated food and staples. It's simply amazing how far behind I had gotten when I was constantly numbing myself.

SillyHuman

For pity's sake, I am still finding paraphernalia, a bit of bud (which I immediately drowned in ice tea because that is what I had in my hand), and even some seed in my freezer.

Even as stoners go, I was a slob!