help
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
I agree with that. Maybe you just need a little extra support that a center can provide you? Have you been in treatment before? Sorry you are struggling. I remember thinking I couldn't do this either and when I felt that way, I was right.
I think you have to believe that you CAN but I don't know how to get you to that point. A professional setting may help get you there. Please hang in there. Try to get some rest tonight.
I think you have to believe that you CAN but I don't know how to get you to that point. A professional setting may help get you there. Please hang in there. Try to get some rest tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Yes, you can.
First, you must want to.
Or else be in such terribly dire straits you have no other choice.
There are many programs. Many approaches. Many ways to embrace sobriety and be free of the madness of alcohol and addiction.
The one thing they ALL share in common is a choice. YOUR choice.
You must decide - really decide - that you want sobriety.
Until that time, no help you're offered will really help.... except perhaps to get you a little closer to being ready for help.
So - are you ready to choose?
First, you must want to.
Or else be in such terribly dire straits you have no other choice.
There are many programs. Many approaches. Many ways to embrace sobriety and be free of the madness of alcohol and addiction.
The one thing they ALL share in common is a choice. YOUR choice.
You must decide - really decide - that you want sobriety.
Until that time, no help you're offered will really help.... except perhaps to get you a little closer to being ready for help.
So - are you ready to choose?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
ER won't be necessary. I'm ok. I've been through this for years. But now it's getting into the risky area regarding my health. I don't want to die, I'm only 34.
I won't quit tonight, it's never been possible for me. I MUST and NEED to stay sober from tomorrow on or it will kill me.
I've tried several things, but nothing helps when I'm back alone, at home and the walls in this huge house echo back when I think out loud. I have no one. I feel like I am not worth anyone. I don't connect. I want a girlfriend, wife, child(ren). And every time I get sober I get back to these halls that echo, like a pain that bellows and alcohol is the escape.
When I was sober for a month and a half or so, things were still crap. I felt better. but all my cute plan for dating just were unrealistic. I can't connect. Why is it that I've had more chances for love and relationships than most people and didn't see them? Now I do, some of them. And from some of the women I hear that they were in love with me. But I don't see it. Don't know what to do.
This loneliness drives me to drink. And some social interaction trainings like I've had when I looked for help don't help. Those were too simple. And people told me I get along great with people.
But I don't connect. At least it feels like that on my side and it projects to the other person.
So I drink. Numb my loneliness. I've been tested. I'm not officially socially impaired.
Could someone explain to me how to connect with a girl/woman and get into a relationship? That's been my big block and it drives me to drink.
I just told you much more than I would have when sober. And I will regret this tomorrow. And the world turns...
I won't quit tonight, it's never been possible for me. I MUST and NEED to stay sober from tomorrow on or it will kill me.
I've tried several things, but nothing helps when I'm back alone, at home and the walls in this huge house echo back when I think out loud. I have no one. I feel like I am not worth anyone. I don't connect. I want a girlfriend, wife, child(ren). And every time I get sober I get back to these halls that echo, like a pain that bellows and alcohol is the escape.
When I was sober for a month and a half or so, things were still crap. I felt better. but all my cute plan for dating just were unrealistic. I can't connect. Why is it that I've had more chances for love and relationships than most people and didn't see them? Now I do, some of them. And from some of the women I hear that they were in love with me. But I don't see it. Don't know what to do.
This loneliness drives me to drink. And some social interaction trainings like I've had when I looked for help don't help. Those were too simple. And people told me I get along great with people.
But I don't connect. At least it feels like that on my side and it projects to the other person.
So I drink. Numb my loneliness. I've been tested. I'm not officially socially impaired.
Could someone explain to me how to connect with a girl/woman and get into a relationship? That's been my big block and it drives me to drink.
I just told you much more than I would have when sober. And I will regret this tomorrow. And the world turns...
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
"I cannot quit" <-- bs , it simply isn't true, you can , anyone can , decide to quit and then ask for help or look for support. But first you need to stop falling for the AV bs, you can.
Stop drinking now, get some water and food in you and start your quit. No one, not anyone can offer support if you believe you 'cannot'(which if I haven't mentioned already is bs)
Stop drinking now, get some water and food in you and start your quit. No one, not anyone can offer support if you believe you 'cannot'(which if I haven't mentioned already is bs)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Mike, take this for what it's worth.
If I can make it through the hell and loneliness that I went through at Christmas, knowing how strong my AV voice is/was at the time, with no one, no family or friends, I had my dog and that is it, then I believe in you and you can do it also.
I would encourage you to up it a notch if you really want to stay sober and it can and will happen, the decision is all yours, how bad do you want sobriety.
Also put yourself in your employers shoes, if you owned the company would you really want someone who was not operating at their best or at least close to it? I am not sure what it's like for you in the mornings or how much you drink at night, I do know it doesn't take a lot to put us off our game.
My observation is your AV has a real hold and you may want to consider help to loosen it's death grip.
All meant to be taken as encouragement.
Andrew
If I can make it through the hell and loneliness that I went through at Christmas, knowing how strong my AV voice is/was at the time, with no one, no family or friends, I had my dog and that is it, then I believe in you and you can do it also.
I would encourage you to up it a notch if you really want to stay sober and it can and will happen, the decision is all yours, how bad do you want sobriety.
Also put yourself in your employers shoes, if you owned the company would you really want someone who was not operating at their best or at least close to it? I am not sure what it's like for you in the mornings or how much you drink at night, I do know it doesn't take a lot to put us off our game.
My observation is your AV has a real hold and you may want to consider help to loosen it's death grip.
All meant to be taken as encouragement.
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by MikeM 
ER won't be necessary. I'm ok. I've been through this for years. But now it's getting into the risky area regarding my health. I don't want to die, I'm only 34.
I won't quit tonight, it's never been possible for me. I MUST and NEED to stay sober from tomorrow on or it will kill me.
I've tried several things, but nothing helps when I'm back alone, at home and the walls in this huge house echo back when I think out loud. I have no one. I feel like I am not worth anyone. I don't connect. I want a girlfriend, wife, child(ren). And every time I get sober I get back to these halls that echo, like a pain that bellows and alcohol is the escape.
When I was sober for a month and a half or so, things were still crap. I felt better. but all my cute plan for dating just were unrealistic. I can't connect. Why is it that I've had more chances for love and relationships than most people and didn't see them? Now I do, some of them. And from some of the women I hear that they were in love with me. But I don't see it. Don't know what to do.
This loneliness drives me to drink. And some social interaction trainings like I've had when I looked for help don't help. Those were too simple. And people told me I get along great with people.
But I don't connect. At least it feels like that on my side and it projects to the other person.
So I drink. Numb my loneliness. I've been tested. I'm not officially socially impaired.
Could someone explain to me how to connect with a girl/woman and get into a relationship? That's been my big block and it drives me to drink.
I just told you much more than I would have when sober. And I will regret this tomorrow. And the world turns...
I won't quit tonight, it's never been possible for me. I MUST and NEED to stay sober from tomorrow on or it will kill me.
I've tried several things, but nothing helps when I'm back alone, at home and the walls in this huge house echo back when I think out loud. I have no one. I feel like I am not worth anyone. I don't connect. I want a girlfriend, wife, child(ren). And every time I get sober I get back to these halls that echo, like a pain that bellows and alcohol is the escape.
When I was sober for a month and a half or so, things were still crap. I felt better. but all my cute plan for dating just were unrealistic. I can't connect. Why is it that I've had more chances for love and relationships than most people and didn't see them? Now I do, some of them. And from some of the women I hear that they were in love with me. But I don't see it. Don't know what to do.
This loneliness drives me to drink. And some social interaction trainings like I've had when I looked for help don't help. Those were too simple. And people told me I get along great with people.
But I don't connect. At least it feels like that on my side and it projects to the other person.
So I drink. Numb my loneliness. I've been tested. I'm not officially socially impaired.
Could someone explain to me how to connect with a girl/woman and get into a relationship? That's been my big block and it drives me to drink.
I just told you much more than I would have when sober. And I will regret this tomorrow. And the world turns...
In my experience, the loneliness was coming from within. A girl would never solve it. I had to work on my own soul. I had to heal myself. I had to find the pain in me, and begin to honestly work at that.
A girl isn't going to be the answer. In fact, no relationship will be 'the answer'. Take the time to look honestly within, work on yourself, get to know and love yourself..... and then relationship and love will be not only possible, but you will attract it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Mike, I've read your posts today, you really need to listen to the experts on this forum and consider professional help detoxing or treatment. If not, I think it would be prudent to mentally prepare for the next few days of not feeling very well, and getting sobered up. We've been there man, you're pretty young, take some action. Seriously. I'm rootin for ya man. We are all on the same team.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
What freeowl said. Fix self first. Girlfriend will come.
If you bumped into the love of your life right now, you wouldn't have the goods. Think about your mind's picture of her... Is she searching for a guy who's in the bottle and not sorted out yet?
You can do this. Take a step. Take another.
If you bumped into the love of your life right now, you wouldn't have the goods. Think about your mind's picture of her... Is she searching for a guy who's in the bottle and not sorted out yet?
You can do this. Take a step. Take another.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
First off all the excuses as to why you drink need to go out the window, I've been there and got the box of T-shirts, what others have, what I don't have, no one likes me etc etc.
The reality was why would I burden anyone else with my alcoholism, is that fair? nope what I needed to do was get my own house in order, learn to like and take care of myself, create a life that I can be proud of, that I could then bring someone else into.
I currently live on my own, no kids, no wife and in the past all those things I used to drink over in the same way, but the reality is Sobriety is possible regardless, it's a foundation to build a life upon, but it takes time to learn how to live without alcohol, takes time to find out who we are and things to like about ourselves, it won't happen over night, but we have to give it a chance, as what's the alternative?
Draw a line, commit to Sobriety TODAY and take a slice of happiness for yourself in this world!!
The reality was why would I burden anyone else with my alcoholism, is that fair? nope what I needed to do was get my own house in order, learn to like and take care of myself, create a life that I can be proud of, that I could then bring someone else into.
I currently live on my own, no kids, no wife and in the past all those things I used to drink over in the same way, but the reality is Sobriety is possible regardless, it's a foundation to build a life upon, but it takes time to learn how to live without alcohol, takes time to find out who we are and things to like about ourselves, it won't happen over night, but we have to give it a chance, as what's the alternative?
Draw a line, commit to Sobriety TODAY and take a slice of happiness for yourself in this world!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
People suck sometimes mike.... The right relationship isn't the answer... The relationship with yourself is most important.... You're smart you're good lookin you have a nice home. .... Do you have a good dog??? Go to the humane society and. Volunteer to walk the dogs... It's good exercise and will take your mind off your misery ....
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Dating in the first 6 weeks ? wow thats quite an emotional roller coaster to take a ride on so early .
For me although i felt a better i was still emotionally reeling and learning how to deal with normal stuff sober let alone one of the most stressful situation we could put ourselves in ..
I'd heard people here saying leave it for 12 months, i did 18 to be sure i was on an even keel before i inflicted myself on some unsuspecting person . I had to learn to deal with frustration , anger , jealousy , rejection , boredom , happiness , depression and elation soberly and confidently before i'd let myself enter the emotional pressure cooker that dating can be .
I also had a mild depression hanging around for 6 months after quitting , i'd had it for years . it can take that long for this body to repair itself .
part of my recovery plan has been to try an not put myself into stressful or charged emotional situations without being very careful .
I hope you get up and try again maybe try it a bit differently this time ?
Bestwishes, m
For me although i felt a better i was still emotionally reeling and learning how to deal with normal stuff sober let alone one of the most stressful situation we could put ourselves in ..
I'd heard people here saying leave it for 12 months, i did 18 to be sure i was on an even keel before i inflicted myself on some unsuspecting person . I had to learn to deal with frustration , anger , jealousy , rejection , boredom , happiness , depression and elation soberly and confidently before i'd let myself enter the emotional pressure cooker that dating can be .
I also had a mild depression hanging around for 6 months after quitting , i'd had it for years . it can take that long for this body to repair itself .
part of my recovery plan has been to try an not put myself into stressful or charged emotional situations without being very careful .
I hope you get up and try again maybe try it a bit differently this time ?
Bestwishes, m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Thanks everyone. The problem indeed isn't not having a relationship. It's in me, not being able to form a relationship. So the hallways are empty, instead of me talking to my wife, children laughing. This inability to form relationships is the cause of my drinking. Believe me, a huge inheritence does not make one happy...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by mecanix
Dating in the first 6 weeks ? wow thats quite an emotional roller coaster to take a ride on so early .
I cannot connect. And it drives me to drink. That is the link.
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