30 Days and it's coming together fast
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
30 Days and it's coming together fast
I have shared much about my past on the forums so many of you are aware, here is a recap.
Met a wonderful lady in June of last year, I was thankful because at 51 where I live it's tough.
Summer was amazing in fact the best summer of my life, head over heels in love, we never had one disagreement we simply love doing everything each other does, she does not drink as she doesn't like the taste, I was sober but not following my plan nor did I tell her I had a serious problem with alcohol in the past, in hindsight my AV was simply saying she doesn't need to know.
Mid November she went away to a conference, I could not get time off as it was harvest season (fruit farm) and I was pounding the hours in as we were close to being finished, not realizing I was in a mental relapse simply meaning I was tired, 12 to 16 hour days 7 days a week (this would have been week 3 of these hours).
Migrant workers were getting ready to fly home and invited me to a going home party, they cook authentic Jamaican dishes so I went. One who works close to me offered me a beer and I said I don't drink, should have been honest and said I can't drink. Anyhow another worker a little later on asked me "is our beer not good enough for you?" something snapped, you can't let these guys down, you work with them, show them you are part of the team, stupid decision, the AV won. One beer led to a 36 day relapse, in and out of the emergency 5 times, then detox for three days which is as long as they could keep me,
Right back to drinking, went to emergency where a doctor here for a placement from Australia took the time to talk to me to find out what was going on, he looked me in the eye and said you have PTSD, I said yes I was told that three years ago, he wanted to know what I was doing about it and I said at the moment nothing, he said I should be on medication to keep it at bay as I have always drank since I was 16 to bury the pain and set me up with a specialist who deals in PTSD and addictions, OMG as I recovered I could not get over how clear things were coming to me, it was amazing.
Down side my GF walked as I had not told her and she felt the foundation of our relationship of trust and not holding anything back which we agreed to at the start had been shattered and I guess I sent a few test messages that made no sense, both my kids turned their backs (26 & 24) lost my job and place to live as I live in a farm owned house with my dog, it's a perfect set up, all I was left with was my dog. It was the loneliest Christmas I have spent, but I made it through sober but I did work hard Christmas day, so I did what brings peace to me, bon fire and being outside, all day with my best friend, Maya my dog.
Late Christmas day I receive a text from my GF informing me she was crying herself to sleep every night and we needed to talk, I am blessed that she has a Dr degree in Physiology, up to this point I had had no contact since November and yes it was killing me inside, really beating myself up over the relapse and not being honest with her, New Years eve after five hours of me laying everything out on the table in a face to face , from my past and what I was doing to finally put this AV in it's place she took me back and we are right back to where we left off, very happy.
I dusted off a plan I made in a 28 day program 3 years ago, added to it and this site was one of those additions and it's working wonders for me.
Last week my son contacted me to see how I was doing, told him the truth and now we text daily, my daughter is still on the fence but has sent me three messages since Christmas which I am thankful for, that relationship will take a lot of time to rebuild.
My GF contacts me yesterday saying she had found a house she wants us to buy and we are going tomorrow to look at it, it's a bit of a dream as it's on the Ocean and has an outbuilding ready to go for my woodworking shop, I have been a hobby/professional woodworker since I was a kid and make really good money as I use 76 woods from around the world building things others do not. For now I can easily make a living at this and have done it twice in the past after a relapse and loosing a career, allows me the freedom to focus on sobriety which is and always be #1 in my life.
So in a nutshell that is where I am in the past 66 days, the last 30 sober and honestly I haven't thought of booze once, I seem to have the AV under control and will keep it that way.
I have discovered this site helps me a tremendous amount as there is so much power in helping others, reading their struggles, relating, it seems to make me stronger over the AV.
Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long. I am a very grateful and happy camper (local term simply meaning enjoying life to the max and taking life on life's terms)
All the best
Andrew
Met a wonderful lady in June of last year, I was thankful because at 51 where I live it's tough.
Summer was amazing in fact the best summer of my life, head over heels in love, we never had one disagreement we simply love doing everything each other does, she does not drink as she doesn't like the taste, I was sober but not following my plan nor did I tell her I had a serious problem with alcohol in the past, in hindsight my AV was simply saying she doesn't need to know.
Mid November she went away to a conference, I could not get time off as it was harvest season (fruit farm) and I was pounding the hours in as we were close to being finished, not realizing I was in a mental relapse simply meaning I was tired, 12 to 16 hour days 7 days a week (this would have been week 3 of these hours).
Migrant workers were getting ready to fly home and invited me to a going home party, they cook authentic Jamaican dishes so I went. One who works close to me offered me a beer and I said I don't drink, should have been honest and said I can't drink. Anyhow another worker a little later on asked me "is our beer not good enough for you?" something snapped, you can't let these guys down, you work with them, show them you are part of the team, stupid decision, the AV won. One beer led to a 36 day relapse, in and out of the emergency 5 times, then detox for three days which is as long as they could keep me,
Right back to drinking, went to emergency where a doctor here for a placement from Australia took the time to talk to me to find out what was going on, he looked me in the eye and said you have PTSD, I said yes I was told that three years ago, he wanted to know what I was doing about it and I said at the moment nothing, he said I should be on medication to keep it at bay as I have always drank since I was 16 to bury the pain and set me up with a specialist who deals in PTSD and addictions, OMG as I recovered I could not get over how clear things were coming to me, it was amazing.
Down side my GF walked as I had not told her and she felt the foundation of our relationship of trust and not holding anything back which we agreed to at the start had been shattered and I guess I sent a few test messages that made no sense, both my kids turned their backs (26 & 24) lost my job and place to live as I live in a farm owned house with my dog, it's a perfect set up, all I was left with was my dog. It was the loneliest Christmas I have spent, but I made it through sober but I did work hard Christmas day, so I did what brings peace to me, bon fire and being outside, all day with my best friend, Maya my dog.
Late Christmas day I receive a text from my GF informing me she was crying herself to sleep every night and we needed to talk, I am blessed that she has a Dr degree in Physiology, up to this point I had had no contact since November and yes it was killing me inside, really beating myself up over the relapse and not being honest with her, New Years eve after five hours of me laying everything out on the table in a face to face , from my past and what I was doing to finally put this AV in it's place she took me back and we are right back to where we left off, very happy.
I dusted off a plan I made in a 28 day program 3 years ago, added to it and this site was one of those additions and it's working wonders for me.
Last week my son contacted me to see how I was doing, told him the truth and now we text daily, my daughter is still on the fence but has sent me three messages since Christmas which I am thankful for, that relationship will take a lot of time to rebuild.
My GF contacts me yesterday saying she had found a house she wants us to buy and we are going tomorrow to look at it, it's a bit of a dream as it's on the Ocean and has an outbuilding ready to go for my woodworking shop, I have been a hobby/professional woodworker since I was a kid and make really good money as I use 76 woods from around the world building things others do not. For now I can easily make a living at this and have done it twice in the past after a relapse and loosing a career, allows me the freedom to focus on sobriety which is and always be #1 in my life.
So in a nutshell that is where I am in the past 66 days, the last 30 sober and honestly I haven't thought of booze once, I seem to have the AV under control and will keep it that way.
I have discovered this site helps me a tremendous amount as there is so much power in helping others, reading their struggles, relating, it seems to make me stronger over the AV.
Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long. I am a very grateful and happy camper (local term simply meaning enjoying life to the max and taking life on life's terms)
All the best
Andrew
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Andrew, I am very happy for you. I am not sure what your beliefs are, but for me, I know some higher power is putting things in place now that I am sober. Better yet, maybe it was was trying the whole time, but I was too drunk to take advantage of it. It sounds to me that you are in a really good place. Good luck on the house. Sounds like it would be perfect.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
thanks for your story AL
never forget what brought here. you don't have to beat yourself up over it. many of us have similar tales to tell.
whenever that AV comes sneaking into your your thoughts, squash it quickly. And if you need a reminder, 'play the tape through' as some like to say.
Don't ever lose this this. You deserve it. Good luck with everything going forward.
Remember, staying sober does not require luck, it is a skill. Master it.
never forget what brought here. you don't have to beat yourself up over it. many of us have similar tales to tell.
whenever that AV comes sneaking into your your thoughts, squash it quickly. And if you need a reminder, 'play the tape through' as some like to say.
Don't ever lose this this. You deserve it. Good luck with everything going forward.
Remember, staying sober does not require luck, it is a skill. Master it.
It sounds like you are doing well. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by C23 
I am not sure what your beliefs are, but for me, I know some higher power is putting things in place now that I am sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm really glad that you are back on track and working on your recovery. I'm sure you are very disappointed that you lost your girlfriend, but you learned from the experience and you won't make the same mistake again. I'm glad you're doing well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by Anna
I'm sure you are very disappointed that you lost your girlfriend, but you learned from the experience and you won't make the same mistake again. I'm glad you're doing well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Andrew, what a fantastic post. Very glad to hear things are turning in your favor, sounds like you have a plan and what could be a great future. Posts like yours inspire me.
On a side note, my wife is the only one who knows all the lurid details of my past, all of them. It helps her understand why I have days that are not so good. But without her, I would, and have been, lost.
On a side note, my wife is the only one who knows all the lurid details of my past, all of them. It helps her understand why I have days that are not so good. But without her, I would, and have been, lost.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
The snowball effect. Once it gets rolling, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. That can be a metaphor for both problems and the good in life. Once you turn that corner when drinking, the snowball keeps getting bigger and bigger and the good stuff really starts to add up. I had almost 4 months at some point during this year, and man it was great. But then just as quickly as that good snowball is created, you can destroy it with drinking. I think you found that out.
Here's to keeping the good snowball rolling.
Here's to keeping the good snowball rolling.
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