Vinificent

...on MANY things that I am unhappy about with my life and that I was using alcohol to forget and suppress. I am only 12 days into this and SR has helped more than anything else, especially with what to expect along the road. I am asking for help in dealing with this - those of you who have been where I am: how did you handle these realizations? How did you know what to change about your situation (beyond stopping drinking/using of course)? How long did you wait before making major changes (such as changing the big stuff - relationships, jobs, living situation etc)? Right now I am afraid I am not thinking rationally due to being in early recovery, but also afraid that if I do nothing about what us bothering me, I will relapse.
Any help/suggestions are appreciated!
(Because this is commonly asked on here: my recovery plan includes AA, Rational Recovery, and SR. No rehab or professional counseling yet)

Dee74

Hi Vinificent

I think it's a very individual thing.

I focused on not drinking first, because nothing else would have happened had I not got that sorted.

I had a little counseling help in the beginning but basically living sober was a real learning curve...as problems came up I solved them.

As things about me I didn't like and wanted to change surfaced I changed them - some changes are necessary I think. I wouldn't have stayed sober being the old drinking me.

a lot of things I didn't really have to think about they just happened organically.

A lot of things fell into place once alcohol was removed from my life.

D

teatreeoil007

For me it's been pretty important to be able to have a good routine that I try not to deviate from in early recovery.... So I've needed as much stability as possible... Try to keep stress down, eat well, stay active-

ALinNS

Good Morning and welcome!

If I reflect as I have used alcohol to bury emotions since I was 16...long time ago, I would say three years ago when I went through a 28 day program, I really learned what I needed to do to be what I could be and how to do it, this formed the plan I made. Fighting alcohol started in 1996, realized I was an alcoholic in 1998 but never shared with anyone and I mean no one what was really troubling me down deep until three years ago.

And yes I did have two relapses since then because I was over confident and had stopped following the plan, what I can tell you while sober it was the best time of my life but only when following the plan, everything was coming together.

For me I was seeing an addictions counselor after the program and a physiologist.

I have been sober since Dec 12th, I dug the plan out, added to it and am following it and it works for me.

Wishing you the very best
Andrew

FreeOwl

Beyond "not drinking" - therapy and AA meetings were helpful for me.

AA meetings helped support sobriety directly, but they also often gave me broader 'food for thought' to reflect on what was most important for me in my life and to observe things with a detached interest....

Therapy - counseling - helped me take those things into a context that wasn't about the alcohol or addiction and start working through my feelings and really understanding what was true for me...

And finally, patience.

I found that as my recovery progressed, my thinking and my feelings evolved. Some of the things that seemed problematic revealed themselves not to be; it was ME that had been problematic. I think the first year of sobriety is a good time to focus on supporting your own personal awareness and self-knowledge as much as you can, really getting into the depths of who you are, re-connecting with Self and understanding what's important for YOU. From that foundation, you can then begin to make changes with confidence and consciousness.

Of course, there are sometimes situations that are obviously unhealthy... there are sometimes choices that need to be made. For those, we must follow our intuition and trust in our own journey.

Hang in there....

illi1111

Hi Vinificent
I could have written this post... Day 16 here and now that I'm sober I'm faced with a life that I'm extremely unhappy with.

My main focus is my sobriety. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and major changes need to be made for me to truly be happy. My plan is to take it slowly and focus on baby steps to get me there. I didn't get here over nite and it will take time to get where I want to be. I have decided to take the next year and slowly make changes.

I have been reading a lot of books about living your authentic life. One says that it only takes 365 decisions to change your life. One a day... I'm sure it's not that simple, but that is what I'm going with!

Best of luck to you! This stuff is really hard and it's good to know there is someone with the same struggles.

Fly N Buy

Welcome to SR Vinifincent

My journey has been through AA and SR - from that perspective, Alcoholics Anonymous provides us a program to deal with the past and make positive changes for the future. We do this this while staying in a today mindset.

The program is very simple and provided me virtually immediate relief and hope. Change for me is gradual - I drank for many years. But if I simply do whats in front of me each day to the best of my ability, stop stepping on everyone else's toes, realize I am not the director of everything and everyone - then I stand a chance.

As other friends here note, we work on sobriety first - we don't want our sobriety date to change - and the rest can come as our brains clears more.

SR is a great place with a lot of opinions and information, you'll find some things very helpful certainly.

Glad you're here

Vinificent

Thank you all...it's clear there is no easy answer to these questions but it's good to know others have struggled with the same issues. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and focus on abstaining, but hopefully will be confident soon enough to make other life changes.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan Vinificent

PurpleKnight

The foundation for me was not drinking, that was the first stage in building a new life, but that took time, a few months were needed before i could even trust what I was feeling or thinking rather than suspecting it was just my body still adjusting.

Then I started to realise there were areas I needed to address, loads of things I'd bottled up or drank away for years, personal growth and development that I needed to work on, even something as basic as realising who I even was, what was I good at? why should I not hate myself? etc

Rome wasn't built in a day is the saying, and Sobriety is the same, it's not a destination but a journey, a long term project, that we don't have to have all figured out straight away, but instead we have the rest of our lives to create the life we want!!

Anna

I do understand what you're staying. Sometimes the clarity is just too much to handle. My advice is to take things slowly. As Dee said, some changes are necessary at the outset. For me, I had to remove a few people from my life who were toxic to me. But, with other relationships, I took a step back and observed how the changes within me created changes within the relationship.

thomas11

As others have said, I think its a process that is different for each individual. I'm still in the not drinking stage, and trying to maintain structure in my life. I also try to read and contribute what I can on this site. These things are very helpful for me.
I will say that I have seen folks get pretty amped up early on and risk overcompensating by doing a bunch of "stuff" and then bam, they fall down. Its a marathon, not a sprint. Slow and steady I believe is a pretty safe way to go.

Nuudawn

I really love the title of your thread Vin.....
I know that feeling of a sudden blinding spotlight on your life. I remember likening it to coming out from under some sort of life under the rock and having a bleary look around...and then fighting an overwhelming urge to run right back under! Geez, do I really want to have a look at all this?

I don't know what situation you are referring to..but I do think it is possible to begin the work of carving out your own financial and/or emotional independence from the very spot your standing in without immediate drastic change.

FearlessChase

Thank you for asking this question. I'm in a vicious circle of stopping drinking, feeling the stress and some issues that I thought "caused" my drinking in the first place, and going right back to drinking: Lather, rinse, repeat...do I drink because I'm depressed, or depressed because I drink...and nothing ever changes. Lately, I feel the need for a radical change in how I live my life, and it all starts with sobriety.

Vinificent

Soberwolf - No I do not have a definitive "plan" yet - can you post a link to starting this? I have looked but not found what everyone is referring to. Thanks��

Dee74

SW is referring to a recovery plan - I know you're mainly looking to after you have sobriety down, and more mid-term to long term life recovery stuff but it still may help to look at these links

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

least

The biggest thing I had to change when I got sober was my attitude. I started practicing gratitude at around three months sober and was amazed at how it changed my whole life.