Time To Be Blunt With Myself - Help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Anza, CA
Posts: 1
Time To Be Blunt With Myself - Help?
Hello folks!
Let's face it, I'm 22 and trying to grow up.
Here's my deal: alcohol. I'm not even worried about ciggies...I've found them completely unappetizing but nevertheless, the easier of the the two.
Now I've only been drinking for 2 years. Pretty heavily after diagnosis with type 1 diabetes (I know, I know...I'm an idiot), and going through divorce.
I already have a diagnosis of bipolar, depression, and anxiety. Needless to say, I started drinking to escape from these things, diabetes, and divorce: just being seriously blunt with myself. I never had a chance to start enjoy drinking as a social thing, I was a closet drinker until April of this last year. Then when it became social I only drank cause I hate being around drunk people when I am not intoxicated.
And then again...I have diabetes.
You know you have a drinking problem when you have an illness where alcohol is the best way to end your life early, very early, as a diabetic.
Now it's my hunch that my diabetes cause all this moody non-sense and that it just exacerbates my already existing mood swings. So then I drink.
Like all fools I started the new year sober thinking I was gonna be clean. I "quit" the 4th....then drank yesterday. Ugh...the only good part is now I'm not craving it, as yesterday the cravings were unbearable. Depression and irritability like crazyyyyy. And then I walk myself in a spiral and think "well if I drink I'll be a nicer person and I wont have to deal with this mood swing. "
Silly and stupid....I know.
But this is my life. So I guess you can say that I have more of a drinking problem, I'm probably an alcoholic. I've taken the tests...I fit the mold...but after only drinking for two years? How? Why? Why can't I just be normal and settle on just a glass or two of wine and....not the whole dang bottle...like yesterday.
I don't like the me who drinks. He's an *******, he's compulsive, he's impulsive, he's reckless, he's just needs to stop effing drinking.
I know that drinking has gotten in the way of relationships, friendships, and has facilitated my new living circumstance as my family did not appreciate seeing me getting slammered every night and told me to leave. I own all of this. The guilt of my foolishness is heavy.
But hey, today is a new day. Another start date for sobriety. I will not let the pressures of mental illness and diabetes drive the ironic drinking train I've been on.
I have some good things going for me...some really good things going for me but if I can't stay sober I'll either be dead in 10 years due to heavy drinking and diabetes or I'll be in the psych ward again from self sabotaging everything good I got going for me. Anyone have any pointers? Books? Sources? Should I really commit to AA and a sponsor? I'm afraid that AA will just be another place for me to find more drinking buddies like my ex-brother in law did. I'm afraid it wont help me and that there wont be anyone there who is honest about quitting and I'll be invited to the bar and then: game over, loss of hope. But anyways, anyone got some ideas?
I've only been drinking for 2 years (heavily, around a pint of rum and three tall boys or anything in between) so I figure slamming the breaks sooner is the best root as it may be easier to do so.
-Namaste Peeps!
Let's face it, I'm 22 and trying to grow up.
Here's my deal: alcohol. I'm not even worried about ciggies...I've found them completely unappetizing but nevertheless, the easier of the the two.
Now I've only been drinking for 2 years. Pretty heavily after diagnosis with type 1 diabetes (I know, I know...I'm an idiot), and going through divorce.
I already have a diagnosis of bipolar, depression, and anxiety. Needless to say, I started drinking to escape from these things, diabetes, and divorce: just being seriously blunt with myself. I never had a chance to start enjoy drinking as a social thing, I was a closet drinker until April of this last year. Then when it became social I only drank cause I hate being around drunk people when I am not intoxicated.
And then again...I have diabetes.
You know you have a drinking problem when you have an illness where alcohol is the best way to end your life early, very early, as a diabetic.
Now it's my hunch that my diabetes cause all this moody non-sense and that it just exacerbates my already existing mood swings. So then I drink.
Like all fools I started the new year sober thinking I was gonna be clean. I "quit" the 4th....then drank yesterday. Ugh...the only good part is now I'm not craving it, as yesterday the cravings were unbearable. Depression and irritability like crazyyyyy. And then I walk myself in a spiral and think "well if I drink I'll be a nicer person and I wont have to deal with this mood swing. "
Silly and stupid....I know.
But this is my life. So I guess you can say that I have more of a drinking problem, I'm probably an alcoholic. I've taken the tests...I fit the mold...but after only drinking for two years? How? Why? Why can't I just be normal and settle on just a glass or two of wine and....not the whole dang bottle...like yesterday.
I don't like the me who drinks. He's an *******, he's compulsive, he's impulsive, he's reckless, he's just needs to stop effing drinking.
I know that drinking has gotten in the way of relationships, friendships, and has facilitated my new living circumstance as my family did not appreciate seeing me getting slammered every night and told me to leave. I own all of this. The guilt of my foolishness is heavy.
But hey, today is a new day. Another start date for sobriety. I will not let the pressures of mental illness and diabetes drive the ironic drinking train I've been on.
I have some good things going for me...some really good things going for me but if I can't stay sober I'll either be dead in 10 years due to heavy drinking and diabetes or I'll be in the psych ward again from self sabotaging everything good I got going for me. Anyone have any pointers? Books? Sources? Should I really commit to AA and a sponsor? I'm afraid that AA will just be another place for me to find more drinking buddies like my ex-brother in law did. I'm afraid it wont help me and that there wont be anyone there who is honest about quitting and I'll be invited to the bar and then: game over, loss of hope. But anyways, anyone got some ideas?
I've only been drinking for 2 years (heavily, around a pint of rum and three tall boys or anything in between) so I figure slamming the breaks sooner is the best root as it may be easier to do so.
-Namaste Peeps!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. 
You're smart to quit drinking now while you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.
You're smart to quit drinking now while you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. 
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Yes, for sure, hit the brakes now!
This illness moves at different speeds for different people. But it progresses, period. It won't get better on its own; it will only get worse and you don't want that.
AA helps some people and others can't embrace the philosophy/steps. But it's a place you can go TODAY where you can at least get some support. They'll welcome you, give you their phone numbers, and ask you to call them if you get the urge to drink. Take that support. You can decide later if it's the right program for you.
From everything I've observed, the most important thing is to have a "sobriety plan." Whether or not you realize it, there are many thoughts, feelings, situations, people, etc. that trigger you to drink. You can try to avoid some of those, but you will eventually be confronted with a trigger. You need a tactical war plan on how to handle it without drinking.
My biggest trigger is boredom and too much free time. What are yours?
Log in here and post/read a lot. It's a great place to learn from hearing other people's stories. Good luck and please keep posting.
This illness moves at different speeds for different people. But it progresses, period. It won't get better on its own; it will only get worse and you don't want that.
AA helps some people and others can't embrace the philosophy/steps. But it's a place you can go TODAY where you can at least get some support. They'll welcome you, give you their phone numbers, and ask you to call them if you get the urge to drink. Take that support. You can decide later if it's the right program for you.
From everything I've observed, the most important thing is to have a "sobriety plan." Whether or not you realize it, there are many thoughts, feelings, situations, people, etc. that trigger you to drink. You can try to avoid some of those, but you will eventually be confronted with a trigger. You need a tactical war plan on how to handle it without drinking.
My biggest trigger is boredom and too much free time. What are yours?
Log in here and post/read a lot. It's a great place to learn from hearing other people's stories. Good luck and please keep posting.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Welcome seriouslyblunt.
You may want to look into some rehab centers. They can help you detox safely with your medical conditions and also give you counseling on how to cope with future cravings and possibly help you learn to manage your bipolar, depression and anxiety.
Best of luck with whatever path you choose.
You may want to look into some rehab centers. They can help you detox safely with your medical conditions and also give you counseling on how to cope with future cravings and possibly help you learn to manage your bipolar, depression and anxiety.
Best of luck with whatever path you choose.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 324
Seriouslyblunt, welcome! I blacked out the first time I drank, so I never experienced a normal relationship with alcohol. Who knows why, genetics maybe.
All I know for sure is that alcohol was never my friend. I drank heavily for decades, but you do not have the luxury of time.
You will not likely find a drinking buddy in AA. But you probably will find sober people who are blunt!
Please stick around, and read. You will find tons of helpful tips and lots of support. The most important initial step is to formulate a plan. If I were you, I would have a plan for the mental illness and a plan for the booze.
Hugs to you.
All I know for sure is that alcohol was never my friend. I drank heavily for decades, but you do not have the luxury of time.
You will not likely find a drinking buddy in AA. But you probably will find sober people who are blunt!
Please stick around, and read. You will find tons of helpful tips and lots of support. The most important initial step is to formulate a plan. If I were you, I would have a plan for the mental illness and a plan for the booze.
Hugs to you.
Keep reading and posting, you will find a lot of information and support here.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Wish I quit when I was twenty two, I wish you good luck.
As far as I know there is not a set amount of time that it takes to become an alcoholic so while you think two years seems fast it is not out of the ordinary.
I think I knew in the back of my head I had a problem really early on. I just kept ignoring that voice and making excuses for it.
As far as I know there is not a set amount of time that it takes to become an alcoholic so while you think two years seems fast it is not out of the ordinary.
I think I knew in the back of my head I had a problem really early on. I just kept ignoring that voice and making excuses for it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
You can do this! All of the other medical issues you talked about will be easier to face and deal with if you are sober. One of my close friends in college was a type I diabetic and ended up having heart failure after a night of heavy drinking. I know he would have never touched a drop if he knew that was how he would leave this earth. He was 21.
I have had horrible situations recently and am seriously thankful I am sober to approach them with a mind not blurred by booze.
There is a lot of support here. Come and Post When YOU'RE craving. Seek medical attention if you feel you need it. Your mind and body are telling you to quit for a reason. Listen and savd yourself the agony that is active alcoholism. Welcome.
I have had horrible situations recently and am seriously thankful I am sober to approach them with a mind not blurred by booze.
There is a lot of support here. Come and Post When YOU'RE craving. Seek medical attention if you feel you need it. Your mind and body are telling you to quit for a reason. Listen and savd yourself the agony that is active alcoholism. Welcome.
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