Sponsor...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 97
Sponsor...
I've recently gotten a sponsor and she's been helpful and willing in alot of ways, but also a little dogmatic... She says it doesn't matter what I think or feel and is talking about what we're going to get me to do in the future (ie tells me I'll be doing A, B and C instead of discussing or asking...). I realize it is for my benefit but sometimes I wonder as I don't feel much of a connection and have never really heard her story. At this point I can't see myself doing a comfortable step 5 with her and would feel better doing it with someone whose spirituality I can relate to.
I recently went to another meeting and heard a woman there who I related with very well, who also sponsors people. This woman is more new agey/spiritual rather than religious per se, and that is much more up my alley. I also really relate to her story.
Do you think I should change sponsors? I'm only in step 1 so it'd be a good time to do it...Thanks for reading!
I recently went to another meeting and heard a woman there who I related with very well, who also sponsors people. This woman is more new agey/spiritual rather than religious per se, and that is much more up my alley. I also really relate to her story.
Do you think I should change sponsors? I'm only in step 1 so it'd be a good time to do it...Thanks for reading!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Utah
Posts: 214
Well you can have more than one sponsor, just dont play them. Example filling out personalities and trying to get a answer you want to hear where the other tells you something you dont want to hear. Also, it might help to tell your sponsor you have now those feelings. I doubt you would hurt their feelings. Aswell, a sponsor is to show you how to live and be sober, as someone showed you how to drink and get high, or show you the way. So really I think youre over thinking it a bit much but youre alright. Some people sponsor people aswell because you remind them of how they use to be. Just stuff a sponsor has told me about sponsorship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
As stated above you can have more than one, you can terminate a sponsor at any time, that is said often in AA, I have had three since 1998.
What I learned after the first two is I brought this subject up at a meeting, two words of advice stuck.
1) Pick someone of the same sex
2) If you see someone you feel comfortable with, tell them you are looking for a sponsor and is it something they do, if yes how many years sober? (15+ was suggested) Do you sponsor others? May I speak to a few of them? It was suggested and in my case I followed talk to at least three people this person has acted as a sponsor for, if the feedback is positive then it's a go, if not then we have to continue our search.
To me a sponsor is like a relationship or starting one as we confide a lot in them so it has to be built on trust and respect, although I am 51 I have very little dating experience but when I was looking if I saw a warning sign, I moved on, I think we have to do the same with a sponsor just my opinion.
My first two relapsed and my AV said if they can relapse you can also and I did, and yes they had 15+ years of sobriety.
Andrew
What I learned after the first two is I brought this subject up at a meeting, two words of advice stuck.
1) Pick someone of the same sex
2) If you see someone you feel comfortable with, tell them you are looking for a sponsor and is it something they do, if yes how many years sober? (15+ was suggested) Do you sponsor others? May I speak to a few of them? It was suggested and in my case I followed talk to at least three people this person has acted as a sponsor for, if the feedback is positive then it's a go, if not then we have to continue our search.
To me a sponsor is like a relationship or starting one as we confide a lot in them so it has to be built on trust and respect, although I am 51 I have very little dating experience but when I was looking if I saw a warning sign, I moved on, I think we have to do the same with a sponsor just my opinion.
My first two relapsed and my AV said if they can relapse you can also and I did, and yes they had 15+ years of sobriety.
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Temporary sponsors was what I was
to get while I was in early sobriety.
Just a few numbers from folks I could
call first before I had the urge to drink.
I listened to many folks share their
own ESH experiences, strengths and
hopes of what their lives were and
are like before during and after their
addiction and how they incorporate
a program of recovery in all their affairs.
I went to a many a meetings and listened,
absorbed, learned and began applying
this knowledge and recovery program
into my own life, the same program that
has helped and has been successful in
helping many achieve happiness, healthy,
and honesty in their own lives.
It was and and still is that successful
life I continue to live some 25 yrs sober
later in my own life.
Listening is important to me. Sitting
near folks I like what they have to
share about recovery. Im not much
into listening to folks airing out all
their personal problems in a meeting
because im there to learn how to
remain sober one day at a time and
not about all that extra cr@p in peoples
personal lives.
I wanted to hear the formula of an
effective program to incorporate
in all my affair and that formula is
right there in my Big Book of AA
and the 12 X 12 Step book.
My sponsor, my one and only woman
I called my sponsor is and will always
be my sponsor, but I have many many
so call temporary sponsors that I followed
behind thru out the years to help me
and guide me along in my own recovery
journey.
These temporary sponsors have the
wisdom, experience and hope of how
to live life sober or clean and all of them
had what I truly wanted more than
anything.
How to stay sober incorporating a
program of recovery I listened to,
learned, absorbed and continue to
apply in all areas of my life.
I was attracted to my sponsor because
she had what I wanted. It was because
of her actions in recovery, her service
work which was easy enough for me
to follow.
She never told me what to do, yet
by her simple effective loving, caring
suggestions was what I needed and
not necessary someone like a mother
hen who was herding all her baby
chicks all doing and mimicking the
same words and actions together.
Going to meetings, bringing my baked
goodies allowed me to fit in comfortably,
sitting quietly close by those I wanted
to hear what they had to say and stay
close to them, followed whatever
meetings they were at and learned
all I needed from them to help me
achieve what I saw in them that I
wanted.
This is of course my own experience.
Find what works best for your own
situation and recovery and grow each
day you remain sober building a strong
solid recovery foundation to live your
life upon for many one day sober down
the road. Then pass it on to those who
quietly sit not far from you to listen and
learn how you did it.
to get while I was in early sobriety.
Just a few numbers from folks I could
call first before I had the urge to drink.
I listened to many folks share their
own ESH experiences, strengths and
hopes of what their lives were and
are like before during and after their
addiction and how they incorporate
a program of recovery in all their affairs.
I went to a many a meetings and listened,
absorbed, learned and began applying
this knowledge and recovery program
into my own life, the same program that
has helped and has been successful in
helping many achieve happiness, healthy,
and honesty in their own lives.
It was and and still is that successful
life I continue to live some 25 yrs sober
later in my own life.
Listening is important to me. Sitting
near folks I like what they have to
share about recovery. Im not much
into listening to folks airing out all
their personal problems in a meeting
because im there to learn how to
remain sober one day at a time and
not about all that extra cr@p in peoples
personal lives.
I wanted to hear the formula of an
effective program to incorporate
in all my affair and that formula is
right there in my Big Book of AA
and the 12 X 12 Step book.
My sponsor, my one and only woman
I called my sponsor is and will always
be my sponsor, but I have many many
so call temporary sponsors that I followed
behind thru out the years to help me
and guide me along in my own recovery
journey.
These temporary sponsors have the
wisdom, experience and hope of how
to live life sober or clean and all of them
had what I truly wanted more than
anything.
How to stay sober incorporating a
program of recovery I listened to,
learned, absorbed and continue to
apply in all areas of my life.
I was attracted to my sponsor because
she had what I wanted. It was because
of her actions in recovery, her service
work which was easy enough for me
to follow.
She never told me what to do, yet
by her simple effective loving, caring
suggestions was what I needed and
not necessary someone like a mother
hen who was herding all her baby
chicks all doing and mimicking the
same words and actions together.
Going to meetings, bringing my baked
goodies allowed me to fit in comfortably,
sitting quietly close by those I wanted
to hear what they had to say and stay
close to them, followed whatever
meetings they were at and learned
all I needed from them to help me
achieve what I saw in them that I
wanted.
This is of course my own experience.
Find what works best for your own
situation and recovery and grow each
day you remain sober building a strong
solid recovery foundation to live your
life upon for many one day sober down
the road. Then pass it on to those who
quietly sit not far from you to listen and
learn how you did it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
NAP,
If you are not comfortable with your current sponsor, I would change as soon as possible.
"I recently went to another meeting and heard a woman there who I related with very well, who also sponsors people. This woman is more new agey/spiritual rather than religious per se, and that is much more up my alley. I also really relate to her story." This woman sounds like a good bet for you, I would ask her.
My daughter went through 5 NA sponsors before she found one that she really liked and related to. Her current sponsor should be nominated for sainthood.
Keep coming back,
Jim
If you are not comfortable with your current sponsor, I would change as soon as possible.
"I recently went to another meeting and heard a woman there who I related with very well, who also sponsors people. This woman is more new agey/spiritual rather than religious per se, and that is much more up my alley. I also really relate to her story." This woman sounds like a good bet for you, I would ask her.
My daughter went through 5 NA sponsors before she found one that she really liked and related to. Her current sponsor should be nominated for sainthood.
Keep coming back,
Jim
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I definitely think it's important to have someone you can relate to. And if you're a spiritual person, it's important to connect with someone whose spirituality is similar to yours.
I'm an evangelical Christian and see much of the world, including my alcoholism and recovery, through that lens. I now have a born again Christian recovery coach and already it's helping me more than AA.
Good luck. I think you should change sponsors.
I'm an evangelical Christian and see much of the world, including my alcoholism and recovery, through that lens. I now have a born again Christian recovery coach and already it's helping me more than AA.
Good luck. I think you should change sponsors.
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