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New sobriety date.

Old 01-09-2016, 11:57 PM
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New sobriety date.

My name is Simon, I'm an alcoholic.

2016.01.09

I guess this is my new sobriety date. I was telling a friend earlier how frustrating it is that I should be coming up on 17 months of sobriety, but instead Iím celebrating one day. But, think of how significant it is. One day. One rotation of the earth without a drink, a drug, or self-harm. I never thought relapse would be part of my story. I really never thought that cutting would be part of my story. Hopefully this will be the first and last time it makes an appearance.

So, I had a beer about a month ago, a few more after that, but I donít think thatís where the spiral started. It started when I walked away from AA a few months ago thinking that now that I had a year, I probably had my drinking under control. I may have had the drinking portion of my illness under control, but my emotional sobriety and my spiritual health were (and still are) very damaged and underdeveloped. I started to seek out and embrace the darkness that I felt starting to manifest and seep out through the cracks in my skin. I started pulling away from the people who care and isolating myself with only my thoughts, which are rarely to be trusted.

There were a couple factors that exacerbated my demise in this situation. Iíve been on antidepressants and I think that blocked some of the feelings of sadness, guilt, and disappointment that I should have been feeling after the alcohol relapse and starting to smoke pot. It took the act of physically self-inflicting injury upon my body to finally feel that knot in my stomach, the feeling of guilt and fearÖ And thatís when I knew I had to go back to the rooms.

So, Iím thankful for my first day returning to sobriety and for my sponsor who welcomes me with open arms. Iím thankful to live in city with hundreds of meetings at all times of the day and night. Iím thankful for my therapist and psychiatrist and thankful for you for reading this. I know this time around that I have to take it piecemeal and focus on the twenty-four hours ahead, and thatís what I intend to do.
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:06 AM
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Welcome back Simon...and that really is the important thing - you're back

D)
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:40 AM
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Thank you for the very real post Simon.
Glad you are back
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Old 01-10-2016, 03:59 AM
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Welcome bk Simon
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:44 AM
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Welcome back Simon!
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:46 AM
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Simon, I'm glad you're back.
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Old 01-10-2016, 07:34 AM
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I'm glad you're back and recommitted to sobriety.
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Old 01-10-2016, 09:03 AM
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Welcome back Simon!!
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Old 01-12-2016, 07:24 AM
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Welcome back! Glad you are here and willing to share your experience with such honesty. It helps those of us who are early in our recovery.
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Old 01-12-2016, 07:50 AM
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Welcome back!

That was a very deep and well written post. Thank you for sharing. It really helps someone like me who is on day 79 realize that we can never stray from our plan and what works, no matter how much we think we have it under control. I hope to see you around more and share in this journey together!
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Old 01-12-2016, 08:03 AM
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Welcome back Simon!
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Old 01-12-2016, 08:06 AM
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Welcome back, chalk it up to a learning experience, tweak your plan and remember today and the future you write.

All the best
Andrew
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