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Maybe I don't have a problem?

Old 01-10-2016, 03:45 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Seep9871 View Post

I'm am just still not sold on NEVER drinking again. I feel like I can and should be able to.
This is the critical thing for me. I had to accept that drinking was just something in my life I could not control. Of course there were many times I just had a couple of (large) glasses of wine and then stopped. No problem.

My problem was that I did not want to stop. I COULD stop I just didn't want to. I never saw the point, and still don't, of just 2 glasses of wine. I drank for effect not the taste or because it was a decent wine. Just for effect.

No one on here will tell you it's ok to moderate or that you don't have a problem. But ask yourself - something brought you here. How many 'normal' drinkers do you know who would look up a sobriety website, sign up and post? None. Normal drinkers don't have to moderate of think about it - they just drink moderately as standard,without a second thought.

I hope you stick around
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Old 01-10-2016, 03:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Seep9871 View Post

Right now, on this Saturday night, I would love nothing more than a couple glasses of wine.

And I totally think I could handle it.

I'm am just still not sold on NEVER drinking again.

I feel like I can and should be able to.
Not sure if you are alcoholic ?

But, if so ?

Sounds like you have not hit a bottom yet ?

Some alcoholics jump off the elevator before hitting bottom.

These would seem to be the smarter ones.

MB
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Old 01-10-2016, 04:41 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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A few years ago, I got sober for two months. Felt great. Was getting back in-shape. And then attended my sister in law's wedding. I thought to myself "you earned it - go ahead and celebrate." It started with wine and ended with whiskey. A lot of it. I jumped right back in where I had left off and then drank MORE to make up for my abstinence! I don't know how I got back to the hotel that night, but what's worse, I can't remember leaving in the first place.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:18 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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What is the payoff of 1 or 2 glasses of wine?
That's what I always felt trying to moderate. . .

If you drink to get a strong buzz on, one or two glasses likely won't do it
and you'll find yourself drinking more.
Maybe not the first time, but quickly.

Anyway, that's what happened to my dream of "normal" drinking.
I didn't want to accept I could not safely either. . .
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:24 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=Seep9871;5732675]My problem was drinking all day during the work week. After finishing my first sober week without that behavior, would it really be THAT dangerous to slowly incorporate it back in?

/QUOTE] This in my eyes is not normal drinking, this is exactly the way my alcoholism progressed.
It started with everyday after work whatever shift I was on, it then progressed to early morning drinking when my ex wife went to work, I would be outside the early house at 7.30am, home at 1pm sleep until 3pm then off to work until 12pm and then the late house.
Eventually the withdrawals were so bad i would bring a flask to work with me.
Then there were the days I wouldn't bother going in and drink all day and that's when the progression would go out of control.
Drunk driving, falling asleep in bars, wetting myself , lock ups in police cells for the night until i'd sober up.
Then came treatment 3 months, come out and back at it again, back to treatment , left after 4 weeks and was admitted to psychiatric ward twice until again back to treatment.
My wife left and filed for divorce, lost my house and became homeless.
Lived in a convent with missionaries of charity for 9 months. still drank again. and then addicted to prescription pills from all the detoxs.
they were hell to come off. I could go on and on but do ya know what it's actually text book because when i went through AA big book my life story was there.
Believe me save yourself the pain and get off the elevator while you can because if there is a hell i've been there and I know it's not over yet until I get off my ass and get myself to meetings and back on the 12 step program.
you see pain has no memory and there lies part of the crux of the alcoholic mind.
By going to meetings we are listening and reminding ourselves what it was like when we were drinking, some inexplicably magic a group of alkies get together and share their experience, strength and hope.
Good luck and I really do hope you make the right choice.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:33 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Been there, done that, got the Tshirt. Took me forever to accept that I cannot moderate successfully for any period of time.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:43 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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If you believe you can and should be able to drink in the future, then that's very likely what will happen. To stop drinking for good, you need a lot of motivation and a firm focus. I hope you change your mind.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:51 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Moderation doesn't work.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:55 AM
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Moderation does not work.

Some people, to test this concept out, do many years of "research."

I hope you don't go out and do your own research, only to come back after a few years and agree, that moderation doesn't work.

And this might be after you've lost your job, your marriage, your driver's license, your reputation, your health, your self respect . . .
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:07 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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How are you doing today Seep?
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:18 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Wow, thank you everybody. I was VERY close to opening up a bottle last night, but I came here instead and read some other users' posts. One rang very clear to me, from csaw's heartbreaking post about relapsing after 6 days. It was something like " think about what the alcohol will do for you - bring nothing but disappointment, it is poison." That was enough of a reminder for me.

I made it another night. Tonight will be a challenge, I highly expect. I'm nervous about it already this morning. Every "award show season" my friends and I get together on our phones and chat over LOTS of wine and laughing. Tonight is the Golden Globes..it's a big tradition for us. I know they won't be encouraging me..they think I'm not drinking for the month of Janurary for weight reasons, but my AV is going to be in full swing.

McNair thank you all enough for your posts. It's so comforting to hear that other people are feeling/have felt similarly. I'm still not sold on giving it up forever. I still think it's possible for me to drink "normally."

I don't know what scares me more: the thought of relapsing, or the thought of never drinking again.

Happy Day 6
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:35 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Congrats on getting through last night. You can do it again tonight, I know it! Stick close to SR!
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:39 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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This is one for the books:)

D122Y thank you!


"People w no drinking problem don't wonder if they have a drinking problem."

So spot on!
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:41 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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When I start thinking I could moderate I hear the voice saying things like:

I never got arrested.
I never had relationship problems due to use.
I never had financial problems due to use.
I held the same job for over a decade while I was drinking.
I never hit bottom.
I used to go days, sometimes more, without drinking.
I like to party with friends and I like a good buzz.
I had a good time until I just let myself become miserable.
My friends don't think I'm an alcoholic and don't understand why I quit drinking.

But the truth is:
I was freakin' lucky I never got arrested.
Alcohol made me a narcissist and I'm lucky my wife stuck with me (all previous women did not).
Yes, I kept my job and didn't have financial problems, but I have a union job and got away with it.
Yes, I never hit bottom, but my low was plenty low enough.
Yes, I had periods of sobriety, but they were shorter, fewer, and farther between, and the truth is I had been trying unsuccessfully to quit for over 20 years.
Yes, I like to party and I liked a good buzz, but since getting sober I've been to music camping festivals like Sonic Bloom and I saw SCI over new years eve weekend and had a blast! Without alcohol or other drugs I have more stamina, I'm more mindful of the joy I experience, and I connect with people on a deeper level.
Yes, I did have a good time until I let myself become miserable, but now that I'm not miserable and I'm enjoying sobriety as much or more than I ever enjoyed using, why would I want to go back?
My friends don't think I'm an alcoholic, but they also didn't really know how much I drank, and let's get real - most of them are alcoholics themselves. Even my sisters were in shock. No surprise; they all drink.

I say give it time. You're on this website because you suspect you can't moderate, but obviously you're not sure you're ready to quit. It took me a good six months before I could say I was enjoying sobriety. It takes courage and tenacity. It means caring enough about yourself not to care too much about what your old party friends think. It means rewiring your brain (which takes conscious effort) until the cravings subside and you realize sobriety ROCKS!

At the SCI show (String Cheese Incident), there was a Jellyfish meeting between sets (Jellyfish are clean and sober SCI fans). I met some cool people, connected, talked a bit, and when the music started I went back onto the floor and danced with all kinds of folks, high or not, suspending judgement and loving people with gratitude for their good vibes, and more importantly, loving myself for doing what's right for me. For me, it's a better way to live.
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:46 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Seep9871 View Post
I'm am just still not sold on NEVER drinking again.
I got hung up on that for too long. It's easy to feel that way early on. So cut to the chase and don't think it. You can't go into sobriety feeling that way. Take it a day at a time. Today I won't drink. Just for today.
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:47 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Beccybean View Post
If you don't have a problem with alcohol, then going without a drink won't cause you any problems at all, will it?!
Beccybean, thanks for that line. I am going to clobber my AV with it!
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Old 01-10-2016, 03:05 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Check in Seep, How are you doing? Hope all is well???
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:19 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Had a great day paddy. Stayed strong, had a great workout, and ran some errands.

This afternoon I started feeling really low. Not craving alcohol - just feeling sad. I was confused because when I haven't been craving, I have been feeling really really great. To get out of my funk i hopped in my car and went to target - did just the trick!

I'm having a really nice night now. Bring it on day 7!!!!!
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:27 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Well done, Seep!!!
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:29 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Being a quick learner it only took me 30+ years to determine I couldn't drink at all. It was not through lack of effort.........

I obsessed over drinking and could not quit on my own I found. When I drank, often and pretty much all the time the few years prior to quitting - once started I could not /did not want to stop. These were pretty good indications I had a serious problem.

There is no real litmus test, but I am always reminded of this as the questions arises - "Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
Pg 30 Big Book

When a sober alcoholic picks up a drink, that is the true measure of insanity
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