Jamesdwyer

I will have been sober three years in March. It wasn't so much that I quit drinking as quit a lifestyle. I wasn't going to die and I didn't reach for the bottle as soon as I opened my eyes but I was drunk every day, blacked out every day, bought cocaine every day and during the final 6 months woke up every 3 weeks or so in Paris or Barcelona or Portugal. I didn't pay a bill for about a year, made some horrendous life choices and ruined at least three people's lives.

Then I met my now wife. She seldom drank, in fact didn't enjoy it at all and when we were expecting our baby it gave me the incentive to quit. I got a new job, binned all my old friend and dedicated myself to being sober and reinventing myself. We got married, moved house and embraced all the new baby madness. So it's fair to say I was busy.

Now things have calmed down, my little boy is a star, work is mundane in the extreme, I tick along. I quit smoking three months ago and joined a gym and am now running 10k a day. Contrary to the desired effect of filling my time and giving me a sense of achievement the little voice in the back of my mind says 'why don't you just become a priest and be done with it?'

Anyway, I'm bored, so so bored and every day I'm thinking 'let's go out drinking, buy some smokes, have a good time'

I wouldn't throw away everything I've worked to build up so frivolously but unless someone has been through this NO ONE understands it, in fact they find it a bit pathetic and embarrassing and seeing as how I don't know anyone who has been through this so in the absence of anyone to talk to in the real world, here I am!

So, how do you manage boredom/complacency?

ScottFromWI

Smoking or drinking won't make you less bored, it will just make you drunk and smelly.

Drinking is not "something to do". All the activities that were available to us before are still there now...in fact there are more now. What's different is you. You now have to learn to enjoy the good times and deal with the bad times that life deals us all, and it's difficult at times.

Have you considered a new hobby or activity? Spending some time with your son or wife? Have you asked them if they have any ideas for something to do this weekend? You might be surprised at their answer?.!

paddyjnr1

Get your ass to meetings and get on the program, make new friends take up new hobbies, whatever u do don't drink I felt the very same as you after 8 years except I succumbed and it nearly killed me. I'm still struggling ftom that little idea that turned into a reality. Check my first post it may deter u. Hope it helps.

Jamesdwyer

As I wrote that and read your reply I know what the problem actually is, it's that I haven't got any mates. I got rid of ALL my friends when I quit drinking and so socially I actually only interact with people associated with my son (friends parents) or wife (friends partners). I've got zero interest in spending time in bars after work drinking Coke and watching my colleagues make fools of themselves and the thought of going on some kind of pathetic man date with some vague associate of my wife's where he awkwardly wonders if it is appropriate to drink and we have a stilted conversation about football fills me with abject horror.

Soberwolf

Welcome JamesDwyer

Jamesdwyer

Thanks soberwolf! Thanks Paddy, sorry to hear/read of your troubles, how are you now? I know when I first quit my counsellor always said to me that it is a hundred times worse withdrawing after relapsing than the first time. It was so awful the first time that aside from anything else I just haven't got the strength to go through all that again and that's why I know, today at least(!), I won't have a drink

Anna

James, congratulations on 3 years sober and turning your life around. I'm not sure how old your little guy is now, but do you enjoy spending time with him and playing together? For me, volunteer work really saved me because I met new, sober and wonderful friends. It was the best thing I could have done in my recovery. How about finding a way to give back in your community?

zlhzlh

I set my self running challenges, have started racing and getting quicker. To the point of pretty quick now. But there's always someone faster out there, it gives me something to focus on and the last thing I want to do is drink and undo all the hard work. Highs and lows ....just try and get the highs from adrenaline rushes.

Jamesdwyer

Haha, yeah I love him more than life itself. That's a nice idea about doing something voluntary. It's weird, it's like I am craving the madness, or not even the madness but excitement of it, not the drink. It will pass like these things always do but thanks for your reply that idea has given me some food for thought

Jamesdwyer

You know what zlh, that is exactly what I was trying to do by joinin the gym, I couldn't believe how three months ago I couldn't run 2k continuously, it took me 25 minutes of running/walking, now I'm up to 10k four or five times a week no problem. I was thinking of maybe training for a half marathon but it's just very solitary, what I need to do is make some friends that I can tolerate who aren't preoccupied with going out and getting wasted

Andante

Meeting your wife, getting married, and having a baby were all great distractions from the drinking life.

More recently, you’ve gotten into fitness, which can be a great distraction too.

However, now that the immediate power of those activities to distract is fading a bit, perhaps you’re discovering that although you changed the exterior circumstances of your life when you quit drinking, you didn’t make enough changes to the essential YOU.

Many of us have found that quitting drinking is just the beginning.

David A. Stewart, in his book "A Thirst For Freedom," writes:

least

Congrats on three years sober (nearly).

I don't have any advice as I'm often bored, but then, I don't go out and do much.

Arbor

Yeah, wow this is great. I sometimes worry a bit too much about the future. Years down the road. Hope to still have the same excitement for sobriety as I do today. The only thing I can say and recommend James is to take it a day at a time, but you already know that.

Nuudawn

As I struggle to find the path you have found...your words reminded me of something a great therapist once said to me "you have to find healthier ways to throw a tantrum"...the word (to me) could mean anything to throwing a fit or finding some "drama".

Every now and again I truly believe we have to find ways to rattle ourselves without hurting ourselves or others....

Bekindalways

Great discussion here. Thanks for starting the thread James. I appreciate your honesty about the boredom. Also liked what you said about finding "mates". Hope you find another facet to add to your sobriety.

paddyjnr1

To be honest I'm still struggling with possibly something very similar to you , boredom I want to let my hair down and do something crazy but i have chronic anxiety still detoxing from the several detoxs and other stupid chemicals i put in my body, I even shot up heroin after drinking a litre of gin and had to be brought back 3 times,
That was the first and last time I'll ever try that ****.
That with the combination of beta blockers and valium done.
Maybe it was my HP saying stay the **** away from this **** or else.
I dunno but it was damn scary coming out of it.
I am a keen photographer and when I'm well enough, I'll be back snapping again but for the moment I need to work on my spirituality, not religion or any of that crap but my inner self and nature.
I want to be able to walk with my head held high and say "Yeah Paddy your HP was there with you all the time" but I know if i touch that damn stuff again i'm ****** because I'm actually liable to do anything after it.
I'm still getting the odd compulsion but not so many cravings so I guess another day down here in the Emerald isle is a good day for me. Keep tough brother and try a hobby, a course in something that interests you, I found that so beneficial when i was even getting peed off with the meetings. Hope things work out but one thing is for sure if you reach out your hand for a drink you'll know what problems are.
And you will certainly understand the meaning of progression. every day is a new day, tomorrow will be different..

Fluffer

I can relate, James. I went from living in the big city and living on the wild side for decades to dropping of the kids at school in an SUV in the suburbs and working from home. I feel OK most of the time but the flatness and boredom are a problem for me. I don't have that many friends of my own where I live now and most of them like to drink a lot when they gather. I run and cycle a bit but now my only remaining real excitement involves financial speculation. At least feeling the burn of losing money lately takes me out of my emotional flatness for a while.

Fly N Buy

I found some things to do here that is a away to give back and fill some time - https://www.volunteermatch.org/search/advanced.jsp

Well done on three years. You have a lot to be grateful for. Congrats!!

SoberinSyracuse

You're an inspiration to me!!!!!! I want to be three years sober!!!!!! It will come in time. Like in about three years. :-)

It sounds like you're the type of person that needs a mission/purpose. You were energized and motivated by the pregnancy and birth. Now that that has settled down, life feels a bit empty.

Good on you for taking care of business and staying in shape but my gut tells me you need a Big Why. Can you find a new mountain to climb, a new dragon to slay? Perhaps another child? A cause? A business venture?

You sound like me. I need a VERY high level of stimulation, and finding this will be key to my sobriety.

Please post back here. I'll get a lot of value from your story.

Bekindalways

Climbing gym, indoor skydiving, volunteer with at risk teenagers, adopt an at risk teenager??? Hmmm . . . take an at risk population indoor skydiving???

I don't really want a lot of stimulation myself but I sure think the world needs these kind of folks. We need people willing to get out there and detonate landmines, shoot down avalanches, and/or talk various militias off ledges (or out of nature preserve facilities ;-)).

Again James, I think you've brought up a really important issue that I bet a lot of recovering users deal with.