blueberry2015

Im feeling sad and hurt about a situation at the moment, how on earth do you deal with this sober?! Having that old feeling of wanting a drink knowing that it will take the pain away.... But I cant and wont do that - can anyone help me with some tips on how I deal with this??

ScottFromWI

Well, coming here and asking for help is a great first step! Not sure specifially what the feelings are that you are having, but try and remember that they are just feelings...and they will pass. You also have the power to choose how you react to them. Choosing to drink would be a very poor choice, because if would actually make you feel even worse. It will make you more depressed and you'll have the additional shame and guilt added on once you sober up. And who knows what other problems you'll cause while you are drunk.

Look at the cause of the feelings you are having. Is it something you can control or change? If so take action. If not, find another activity or task you can concentrate on and move on.

blindsblinds57

What are you sad and hurt about?

teatreeoil007

What's goin' on'?? May we can help...

learningagain

I think it is important to remember life happens. Everyone has good and bad days, just as drinkers, we taught ourselves to fix every situation with booze. Non-drinkers still have good and bad days, they just cope differently. We need to learn new ways to cope.

sva777

What is going on and how long have you been sober?

newpage119

I allow myself to dwell on it for a few minutes, then face up and figure out what I need to do to make the situation better. I make a plan.

There is always a way to start making a problem better. Maybe just a little at a time. An inch ever day gets you a mile eventually.....

Ask for help if you need it, apologize if you should, and forgive yourself for mistakes.....
Problems are part of sober life.
And so much easier to deal without pouring alcohol on the wound!

Venecia

Blueberry, I think it's essential to remember Scott's wise counsel:

What matters is how we react to adversity and sadness.

The upside of our lives in sobriety is that pretty much darn near everything gets better when we make the commitment to a healthier life. The tricky part is that life keeps happening.

If we choose to respond to life's adversities by feeling as though they are foisted upon us, controlling us and relegating us to powerless figures in a sad story, that's trouble. If we choose to respond by acknowledging that the adage "life keeps happening" means we must live with the inevitable pains and sorrows, but that we control our responses, it makes us stronger.

There was a sad chapter in my life during my second six months of sobriety. I knew drinking at it would only make everything worse. That was a solid "coming attraction" for the day when I, 9.5 months sober, picked up the phone to learn my beloved father died unexpectedly. I chose to mourn. I chose not to drink.

Hang in there. Sobriety gives us no exemption from hard times, sadnesses and sorrows. It does give us the strength to know that this, too, shall pass.

You're going to be OK.

bunnezjp

Cry. Helps me.

~Bunnez

Anna

Blueberry, it was a turning point in my recovery when I understood that my emotions didn't have control of me. I could let go of the feelings if I chose to. I also found that journaling was very helpful to me.

SoberLife90

Try to live in the solution, not the problem. Even through sobriety life happens. I find it helpful to talk with other people about things. Whenever I bottle it up and keep it to myself the problem seems bigger. As soon as I tell someone else about it the problem seems smaller. That's what works for me.

zlhzlh

What I am starting to realize is before if I had a problem, got stressed, I would instantly hit the drink. It wasn't a solution just an excuse to get pissed and turn to the dark side. The next day the problem was still there, just as bad and I felt even worse. If you deal with this sober, you may or may not resolve it but you will A. Feel better as you have at least tried to sort and B. Won't feel like death the next day , with angst and paranoia.

Soberwolf

Lots of good advice here il only add that no matter what drinking will only make it worse, check in Blueberry let us know what's going on x

blueberry2015

Im ok. A friend totally binned me, no explanation nothing. It hurts you know. I miss them terribly, I have been open to talk it through, but nothing. I feel sad and hurt about that. My way of coping with stuff like this was to drink, but it never solved nothing infact it made me angry. I dont feel angry about the situation just incredibly hurt. I'm going easy on myself at the moment and allowing myself to feel instead of numbing it. I cant make someone talk to me, so I guess I have to let it go, which hurts!!! No way on earth will I drink over it, Im not going there again, full stop, riding the wave I guess at the moment. Thanks for your advice it means a lot x

Dee74

I'm sorry for what happened blueberry but yeah drink won't help - it won;t even take the pain away (see what your AV did there?)

Lean on us - you have lots of friends here

D

blueberry2015

Thank you x this group is a lifeline! And im still sober

newpage119

Good for you Blueberry!

Everyone is right, drinking never helps anything.....

Stay strong! You can do this!

Sean30

Awesome Blueberry, stay strong

FormerWineGirl

Reading this thread, two things stood out that always helps me. One is journaling. The is something very therapeutic about putting your feelings down on paper. The other thing is a good cry. Yesterday I learned of a heart-wrenching situation affecting a friend, and I just had to let it out. Its cleansing, I suppose.

SoberinSyracuse

Make a POWERFUL affirmation that speaks directly to this rejection. Set an alarm to remind you every hour to stand up, shoulders back, and loudly say into your bathroom mirror:

"I attract people who increase my greatness. I repel people who do not."

Trust me, because I'm telling you a truth I've learned: Sometimes, people reject us not because we're inferior, but because our growth threatens them.