Notices

This is therapeutic for me.

Old 01-08-2016, 03:06 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,280
Jeff, you really can do this! I had to dedicate myself to becoming and staying sober and it was not an easy road at all. That being said, I am finding being sober is so much better than the alternative that there is simply no comparison.

For me, SR wasn't enough for me to stay completely sober for much over a month. It was after I went to my pdoc and asked for help and was willing to do whatever he suggested that I finally made progress. For me SR has been a terrific support in staying sober but I had to go through a good deal of f2f work to get here.
Saskia is online now  
Old 01-08-2016, 03:14 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by LBrain View Post
not to pile on... So you are admitting you are not doing 'the best you can do'.

What I am about to say is not entirely directed at you 'Thomas'.

I read a post this morning from someone who made it 6 days and tossed an excuse 'out there'. I had to log off because I got angry about how this person treated it and I didn't want to call bullsttt! at the time. It was, but I needed to collect myself due to my own anger at someone else who it seemed to me to just shrug it off.

I get annoyed when I hear of folks who "slip" after a week or a month. Or the folks who throw around the word "relapse" after a short amount of time 'sober'.

Sure it is semantics, but I don't consider drinking again after a month as a relapse. I consider it still caught in the addiction mind set.
Until someone has serious sober time and drinks again - a relapse - they are still trying to figure out what to do.

To me, a 'slip' in the 'beginning' is nothing more than not being fully committed (giving 100%) to sobriety. When it is termed a 'slip' in a lighthearted manner anyway.

Closing the door, not leaving it 'cracked open' is the only way ensure something doesn't 'slip' through that door.
Putting a screen in the window with a hole in it will not keep the insects from entering. If you want to keep the insects out, fix the hole or get a new screen. You need a 100% barrier for it to work.
Same goes for the decision to get and stay sober.

You are either 100% or you are not. To quote a 'program', 'half measures availed us nothing...' or something like that.

Regardless of how anyone approaches their 'journey', 'program', 'plan' and commitment to sobriety, until you are 100% > all in < you are not going to succeed.

You have to want it. More than anything else.
LBrain, I don't take it as piling on. And I can't disagree with you. I have preached to others exactly what you have told me. And truth be told, I have been most successful in my life in one capacity or another while I gave 100%. Not 98, not 99...100% I believe it is a REQUIREMENT for success. But to be perfectly honest (and many will call BS on this) at 48 yrs of age, I have given 100% so much of my life, that I have this (likely false) impression that at my age I should be able to slow down a little and smell the roses. I don't have the desire to go 100MPH from 6AM to 8PM 6 days a week anymore. I just don't. And I'm scared. I am about to embark on a new chapter in my life and have no idea what is going to happen. I do have a framework of a plan, and it starts Monday. I've talked about it before. Starting Monday morning, I will roll out of bed at 6:30AM, put on a pot of coffee and brush my teeth. I will go down stairs and exercise for 1 hour (no shower prior, just get moving). I will start light, but I have to get in some type of good physical condition, I will start building my resume, I see my GP to taper meds, I am meeting with a business coach. All these things need to start happening, and it starts Monday. Where it takes me, I don't know. I know one thing for sure, I can't sit here at my computer the rest of my life.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 01-08-2016, 05:05 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
I have given 100% so much of my life, that I have this (likely false) impression that at my age I should be able to slow down a little and smell the roses.
There's ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with slowing down a little and smelling the roses Jeff - unless you see booze in that mind- picture as well....

I'm not sure we need to stop giving 100% tho

I've given 100% to everything I've done too...including my drinking.
Makes perfect sense for me to give 100% to my recovery too, yeah?


D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-08-2016, 05:32 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,373
People like us can't smell the roses with a drink in our hand, unfortunately.
I hope the picture you hold in your mind of dialing back is ultimately alcohol free--

I think it's great you've got a solid action plan--I have one too
and it has been invaluable to me building sobriety time.

I was really afraid to stake out a plan for "lifetime sobriety"
even in the privacy of my own mind.
I think it is akin to the fear you are talking about as you are embarking
on a new phase of your life. . .

I've also achieved a fair bit in life like you, and perhaps
the fear we both feel is that our Chapter 2 won't be as good as our Chapter 1 was,
both in success and "fun factor".

Do think you maybe are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be
the old Jeff while the new Jeff struggles to be born?
The sober you who never drinks again will be a different person
in important ways.
I thought a lot about this--who will that Hawkeye be, and will I
like her? Would my family and friends want to spend time with
the person I morph into, or will I be too far away from their
idea of pleasure and leisure-time activities to connect?

But in the end, I have taken the plunge and pledge for total sobriety from now on.
I don't know what's coming, but I do know where I've been with booze
and too often it wasn't a good place.

I think for the first time I'm really getting that someone like me just
can't go back in time and have a do-over to drink moderately ever again.
My earlier posts to you haven't been meant as admonishment, but identification.
We've both been down the rabbit hole with the negative consequences of drinking, and lived to tell the tale.
That was Chapter 1 for me, good and bad.

I plan to give that Chapter 2 100% effort, and I can't do that if I keep going
back to Chapter 1. It just doesn't work.
Good luck with your action plan Jeff--I have learned a lot from your posts
and your story.
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 01-08-2016, 06:10 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
OpenTuning's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
As it isn't clear from what you've written, can I ask a very simple, straightforward question?

Is it your concrete goal right now, going forward, to give up drinking forever, or is your goal to be largely sober, but still enjoy a drink or two every now and then if the situation feels right?
OpenTuning is offline  
Old 01-08-2016, 08:15 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by OpenTuning View Post
As it isn't clear from what you've written, can I ask a very simple, straightforward question?

Is it your concrete goal right now, going forward, to give up drinking forever, or is your goal to be largely sober, but still enjoy a drink or two every now and then if the situation feels right?
I am not prepared to answer that right now. If my honesty offends anyone, I am sorry.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 05:44 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
OpenTuning's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I am not prepared to answer that right now. If my honesty offends anyone, I am sorry.
I'm not sure if Taking the Fifth counts as honesty, but close enough

The thing is, it's become increasingly clear to me that what we've all been trying to help you do, and what you're actually trying to do, are two different things.

I can offer no advice and help in becoming a normal moderate drinker. I tried that for the last 3 years of my 35 year drinking career, and while it worked a lot of the time, in the sense of sticking to the weekly totals I set myself, it didn't work all the time. And when it went wrong, it went really, really wrong. So I certainly wasn't successful at it. And it was hard work. Mentally draining. And ultimately I quit because I was just plain sick of letting alcohol consume so much of my life and thinking, and of the completely unnecessary damage it was doing. And my life is much better as a result.

I hope you'll change your mind and try quitting instead. I found it a huge relief when I was finally ready to make my Big Plan and know that I do not drink, and will never drink again. So, so much easier than constantly negotiating with my AV over when and how much I was going to allow myself to drink. I look forward to hopefully seeing a thread started by you announcing that you've finally chosen sobriety. Now that would be something to celebrate (with something non alcoholic of course).
OpenTuning is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 05:47 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I am not prepared to answer that right now. If my honesty offends anyone, I am sorry.
What exactly is it you seek from us here on SR then? Whether it offends anyone here is irrelevant, you need to answer it for yourself first and foremost. We cannot help you if you won't help yourself first.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 07:23 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by OpenTuning View Post
I'm not sure if Taking the Fifth counts as honesty, but close enough

The thing is, it's become increasingly clear to me that what we've all been trying to help you do, and what you're actually trying to do, are two different things.

I can offer no advice and help in becoming a normal moderate drinker. I tried that for the last 3 years of my 35 year drinking career, and while it worked a lot of the time, in the sense of sticking to the weekly totals I set myself, it didn't work all the time. And when it went wrong, it went really, really wrong. So I certainly wasn't successful at it. And it was hard work. Mentally draining. And ultimately I quit because I was just plain sick of letting alcohol consume so much of my life and thinking, and of the completely unnecessary damage it was doing. And my life is much better as a result.

I hope you'll change your mind and try quitting instead. I found it a huge relief when I was finally ready to make my Big Plan and know that I do not drink, and will never drink again. So, so much easier than constantly negotiating with my AV over when and how much I was going to allow myself to drink. I look forward to hopefully seeing a thread started by you announcing that you've finally chosen sobriety. Now that would be something to celebrate (with something non alcoholic of course).
What you describe above is precisely what I see happening to me if I trick myself into thinking I can drink responsibly. I mean exactly. How do I know? Because it has happened before. So to answer your question from last night. Complete sobriety is my goal.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 09:58 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Arbor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Complete sobriety is my goal.
That's great to read thomas! I think once I drew that line in the sand there was no turning back. Once I truly "embraced" sobriety and "believed" I could be happy living sober life got much easier. Sure, it took a while (2 years) to get here, but all my chips are in now and it feels so good. Imagine having one less problem in your life to deal with. One less burden. We could all use that, right? This one was my biggest and now it's off the table. Send that addiction packing cause you don't need it anymore. Moving forward!

Best to you.
Arbor is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 10:54 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Arbor View Post
That's great to read thomas! I think once I drew that line in the sand there was no turning back. Once I truly "embraced" sobriety and "believed" I could be happy living sober life got much easier. Sure, it took a while (2 years) to get here, but all my chips are in now and it feels so good. Imagine having one less problem in your life to deal with. One less burden. We could all use that, right? This one was my biggest and now it's off the table. Send that addiction packing cause you don't need it anymore. Moving forward!

Best to you.
Hi Arbor, your post is inspiring. I want what you have.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 11:07 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Complete sobriety is my goal.
And it starts today. GO!!
biminiblue is offline  
Old 01-09-2016, 12:38 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
And it starts today. GO!!
Bimini, I am inspired by your story, and I will bare a bit of my soul. After I got hurt I did not consume alcohol for around 90-100 days. I liked it. But like an idiot I dipped my toe in the water several times to see if the booze gave me the same jolt it did prior. It did not. It is like I was trying to restart a fire that was put out. I will take that as a good thing, because if I got all fired up with a few drinks in me, I'd be off and running once again. That being said, I'm making every effort to transition from not drinking into sobriety. I will get there.

I will proclaim, I have not been perfect and we all know that, but SR, and all its members have helped me tremendously. If I did not find this site, I'd still be wondering around by myself trying to figure it out and likely doing it very poorly. It is likely that I would still being going through a 1.75 of rum every weekend. And the weekend was defined by me, not the days of the week, so I thank everyone. Jeff.
thomas11 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:23 AM.