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Old 01-06-2016, 02:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Help , i need some advice please.


Hi guys,its day 45 and i am feeling great. I have lost a stone since November ,back to race weight and my skin is clear and eyes are sparkling. My problem is i started a new job and i can just sense they are all very social drinky people, its only a matter of time before there will be an after work party. I have no urge to drink, but dont want to tell everybody why i dont drink, i do however want to be part of the social life ,do i say i dont drink atm,or i am tee total, why do i feel so ashamed not to be drinking?
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 45 Zlh. That's a huge accomplishment! I think with time, it gets easier to tell people that you just don't drink. Simple as that. The first few times I went out on business functions after I had quit I felt a bit uncomfortable. My usual response to being asked if I want a drink was that I am cleaning out my system for a while, or simply no thanks. Usually that is all it takes. I always made sure I had my non-alcoholic drink of choice in my hand at all time.

The bottom line, is that you are doing great. If there is any way to avoid these situations until you feel more comfortable, I would do so. Take any advantage to give yourself as much time as possible without forcing temptation.

Most people in social settings could care less what you are drinking.

Stay strong for yourself! Congrats again on 45 days.
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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In my business (sales) everyone drinks. I dreaded the social settings also. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just told people I didn't drink and that was that. Good luck!
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:25 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 45 days sober and your new job!

I wouldn't start to explain anything, A simple 'No, thanks' should be all that is required. Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not.
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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If you really feel uncomfortable just saying "no thanks" and leaving it at that, one tactic I have used is to say that I was taking some medication that could not mix with alcohol.
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I second Anna's post..I don't feel like it has to be anymore than that
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Old 01-06-2016, 02:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I found that very few people questioned my "No thanks" or "No thanks, I don't drink" responses. Each time I said that I felt stronger :-)
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Old 01-06-2016, 03:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Nothing complex needed, just say "I don't drink". Remember it is easiest just to tell the truth rather than making up some line about meds or cleansing. "I don't drink" or if you are comfortable later on with some of these folks, "I don't drink, I used to, but not any more.", but that is TMI for early on in your relationship with these folks.

That's not to say don't go to the after work gatherings; you could even be the designated driver if needed!

I think recovering alcoholics are w-a-y too sensitive about this. I know a number of people who do not drink even on an occasional social basis and don't really think anything of it.

Congratulations on your 45 days!

One day at a time,

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Old 01-06-2016, 03:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You do not have to explain anything. Just have a soft drink.
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Old 01-06-2016, 04:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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No explanation needed - no thanks but I'll have a Coke* if you have one - *or your brand of choice..
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Old 01-06-2016, 08:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I feel that way too, and I am back to day six (almost seven) again. A friend suggested getting together for a glass of wine today, I let her know I was taking a break from alcohol and trying to be healthy, and we went to Starbucks for tea instead. She said she needed to stop drinking as much as well. We are similar ages, jobs, and both have kids. I ended up finding myself another sober/exercise buddy.

I know it is different with people you don't know well yet, but I know I am guilty of worrying about being the only one not drinking, and truthfully, I don't think anyone else would even care. If you are worried you may want to avoid happy hour type scenarios until you feel ready.
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Old 01-06-2016, 09:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks, i think i am being over sensitive. I am sure once they have all got a drink it will be fine. And luckily my job description isnt having to drink wine!!!!
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Old 01-06-2016, 09:08 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zlhzlh View Post

why do i feel so ashamed not to be drinking?
Some of us deal with that for a while.
Best to stay in safe zones until we feel comfortable around drinking.
If offered I just say that I'm not drinking today.
But, if ever uneasy I get out of there fast.
Stayed at a wedding once when I was not thinking right.
Before long I had two Heineken Beers before me.
Of course at that point I chugged them down fast.
Should have walked outside for some fresh air.
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Old 01-06-2016, 09:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm with C23 just say no thanks, I don't drink. No explanation needed keep them guessing, and if pressed just say I don't like it, never have. I think we feel guilty because we have been so socialised into believing that alcohol should always accompany fun times and social engagement that we can be made to feel that there is something wrong with us if we don't partake. Big industry Liquorland and a big fat fallacy. I think this would be more difficult for men out of the blokes/mate culture surrounding men and drinking. We need to change that culture and produce one where not drinking is OK all around. Saying no thanks I don't drink can be made part of that change. Don't care either way unless someone is drunk and in my face. I'll say no to that too. That's how I'm going to run it at any rate. And it does get easier. I was sober for 5 years once and remember it being that way.
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Old 01-06-2016, 09:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 45 days sober and your new job!

I wouldn't start to explain anything, A simple 'No, thanks' should be all that is required. Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not.
I agree with Anna. A simple "no thank you, I don't drink" is all I have ever needed. No problem. But be on guard about the drinking environment, though. If you sit in a barber shop long enough you are going to get a haircut. Congratulation on your progress.
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Old 01-06-2016, 09:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thats great, luckily i feel strong enough to do that. I have no physical urge to drink again and if left to my own i think i wouldnt even think about it. I am sure one peoole themselves have a drink in there hand they wont be too concerned about me.
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Old 01-06-2016, 10:23 PM   #17 (permalink)
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28 days sober so I can't speak to your issue.

When I was still drinking with the fellas it would have been great to have a sober driver. You would have been real popular with my bunch. How to easily work yourself into that role is hard to say. I have avoided drinking buddies and places-I think I would eventually have a sip of beer or two or...
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Old 01-06-2016, 10:38 PM   #18 (permalink)
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That's how I coped with Christmas CHR! The thing is I trust myself not to drink in this situation, I just don't want to be the subject of 'why' I don't drink, as I don't want to go into it with people who I don't really know
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Old 01-06-2016, 11:11 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi guys,its day 45 and i am feeling great. I have lost a stone since November ,back to race weight and my skin is clear and eyes are sparkling. My problem is i started a new job and i can just sense they are all very social drinky people, its only a matter of time before there will be an after work party. I have no urge to drink, but dont want to tell everybody why i dont drink, i do however want to be part of the social life ,do i say i dont drink atm,or i am tee total, why do i feel so ashamed not to be drinking?
I agree with others - a simple "No Thanks, I'll have a Pellegrino" should do.

One other bit of advice - think about an exit plan for times when you might feel tempted to drink. Make sure you have easy access to your own transportation to get home. And early on, don't get caught in the trap of being anyone's designated driver...
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Old 01-06-2016, 11:31 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Zlh, congrats on the new job! What a cool opportunity to always be the non drinker from here on out.

Ten bucks says the only person who gives a rats ass you don't drink is you. Anyone taking issue, if anyone does, which is unlikely, is probably an alkie too. I've pretty much only ever had to say "no thanks" for the last few years. Sometimes I branch out and say, "no thanks, I don't drink." But only when I feel like it never under pressure. The only people I've ever given more explanation to are my family.

None of those people are more important than your family.

That said, I wouldn't recommend going out with them very soon. New sobriety, new job, social drinking situation, that combo can be a recipe for disaster. I'd wait until you are more firmly on your sober feet.
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