"Everyone drinks...."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
"Everyone drinks...."
At 13 - "All the older kids drink. Why would they be so dumb? Don't they care about school or sports? I want to be in the Olympics! I will never be so stupid. I will never drink even though everyone drinks"
(A bad injury at 14, then surgery, and then told I could never participate at that level again....so it was over)
At 15 - "Sure, I try it! I don't really like the taste but the feeling is so cool and all my new friends love me! Doesn't really matter because everyone drinks".
At 18 - "I am having so much fun! So what if sometimes I drink too much and throw up, we all have and its no big deal because everyone drinks".
At 21 - "I am a grown up now! I can go to bars and no one can tell me what to do. Some of these nights are just crazy and so much fun! I'm sure we didn't mean what we said while arguing. We were drunk so it's not an issue because we all get psycho sometimes and everyone drinks.
At 25 - "Hmmm....maybe I'm drinking too much sometimes and I'm sleeping with men who I don't even really like. I really should take a step back and focus on myself and the future. Nah, I only drink on the weekends and I'd be bored if I didn't. It's okay because everyone drinks".
At 30 - "My baby is perfect! I've never felt love like this before! And see....Drinking isn't an issue! You proved that you don't have a problem by not drinking that whole nine months! I can't wait to have a few after the I'm done breastfeeding and be social again. I need a break and anyway, everyone drinks....so why stop now.
At 40 - "Should I really have another glass of wine? I'm just at home. What fun is it really to drink alone? Well, doesn't matter really because I am at home, can't harm anyone....why not? Everyone drinks.
At 45 - "I'm so lonely although I'm not alone. I don't understand why. Whats wrong with me? I'm drinking too much and a lot of times alone but what else is there to do? I live for my child and thats it. When I do meet friends, they don't drink as much as me anymore so its not as fun as it used to be. Maybe I should stop. I will just keep hanging around all my friends but not drink! Ok, I will. Ok, that won't work, maybe just one or two. It would be even more lonely not to drink at all because everyone drinks.
(Within these 4 years, two half hearted attempts for 2 weeks each)
At 49 - "I seriously think I have a problem. I've made a complete ass outta myself so many times, even at parties, I've fallen and chipped my front tooth at a wedding reception (blamed the hot tub for making my legs weak to my friends and then the dentist). I've fallen again at friends graduation party for her daughter and scratched my knees up bad (blamed the beautiful dress I was wearing). I fell New Years day at 1am, hit my head on the bar and fell to the floor (this time everyone was so drunk, we all laughed and laughed and laughed). So I woke up with a huge knot on my forehead, but it was okay....It was New Years and everyone drinks.
At 50 - "I'm so tired, lonely, and ashamed but not sure of what. I hate me. No one likes me. I drink every night. I always feel like crap, mentally and physically. But even so, I might still be okay. I can try again to slow this down and get control. I used to be a strong girl that could do anything she set her mind too, so yes....I will control it and only drink on weekends and only enough to catch a little buzz. No more embarrassing moments for me when I go out. That can work! Especially since I rarely go out anymore because I'm already drinking at home before dinner. On those rare occasions I go out, I'll control it and drink more when I get home. Then no one will no my secret and I'll still have friends....because everyone drinks.
At 50 on Aug 10, 2015 5am - "I can't do this anymore. I'm so sad and alone. I feel awful every day all day long. Why am I so angry at me and the world. All I feel is hate and loathing no matter what it is. Nothing makes me happy anymore. If this is my future, I don't want to live anymore. No one would care anyway if I wasn't around. It might even make the world a better place without me. I just bring misery and pain to anyone I know. Maybe it's time I'll just be done my life. If I can be creative about it, my daughter would get my life insurance. Than at least I would be able to give her something of importance and she can become the woman she should be, instead of me bringing her down. Maybe I should have a drink. Nah, its too early. I'll wait till later and I'll feel better, because everyone drinks.
At 50 on Aug 10, 2015 7am - "I'm done. I do not want to drink ever again. I will not drink ever again. Its the drinking thats doing this. If it's not, I am going to find out. If I can make it past the two week mark without one, I will give everything I've got never to drink again. Two weeks seems to be when I give in. I better not tell anyone yet because I may fail. I'll probably fail. NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY. But what if I don't? What if I can do it? What if this is the ticket out of my misery? I wouldn't know, I've never really given it a chance. I read, they say it is. Some say sober is the way to go to get out of this place in my head.
I'm gonna try my best. It'll be hard, everyone will be shocked and say I really don't have that big a problem, just a few "episodes". But I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore because everyone drinks and their not gonna stop for me. Its me, alone who has to do this for me, alone.
I haven't had a drink in 148 days. Thank you SR and thank whatever was still inside of me still had an ounce of hope left.
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
(A bad injury at 14, then surgery, and then told I could never participate at that level again....so it was over)
At 15 - "Sure, I try it! I don't really like the taste but the feeling is so cool and all my new friends love me! Doesn't really matter because everyone drinks".
At 18 - "I am having so much fun! So what if sometimes I drink too much and throw up, we all have and its no big deal because everyone drinks".
At 21 - "I am a grown up now! I can go to bars and no one can tell me what to do. Some of these nights are just crazy and so much fun! I'm sure we didn't mean what we said while arguing. We were drunk so it's not an issue because we all get psycho sometimes and everyone drinks.
At 25 - "Hmmm....maybe I'm drinking too much sometimes and I'm sleeping with men who I don't even really like. I really should take a step back and focus on myself and the future. Nah, I only drink on the weekends and I'd be bored if I didn't. It's okay because everyone drinks".
At 30 - "My baby is perfect! I've never felt love like this before! And see....Drinking isn't an issue! You proved that you don't have a problem by not drinking that whole nine months! I can't wait to have a few after the I'm done breastfeeding and be social again. I need a break and anyway, everyone drinks....so why stop now.
At 40 - "Should I really have another glass of wine? I'm just at home. What fun is it really to drink alone? Well, doesn't matter really because I am at home, can't harm anyone....why not? Everyone drinks.
At 45 - "I'm so lonely although I'm not alone. I don't understand why. Whats wrong with me? I'm drinking too much and a lot of times alone but what else is there to do? I live for my child and thats it. When I do meet friends, they don't drink as much as me anymore so its not as fun as it used to be. Maybe I should stop. I will just keep hanging around all my friends but not drink! Ok, I will. Ok, that won't work, maybe just one or two. It would be even more lonely not to drink at all because everyone drinks.
(Within these 4 years, two half hearted attempts for 2 weeks each)
At 49 - "I seriously think I have a problem. I've made a complete ass outta myself so many times, even at parties, I've fallen and chipped my front tooth at a wedding reception (blamed the hot tub for making my legs weak to my friends and then the dentist). I've fallen again at friends graduation party for her daughter and scratched my knees up bad (blamed the beautiful dress I was wearing). I fell New Years day at 1am, hit my head on the bar and fell to the floor (this time everyone was so drunk, we all laughed and laughed and laughed). So I woke up with a huge knot on my forehead, but it was okay....It was New Years and everyone drinks.
At 50 - "I'm so tired, lonely, and ashamed but not sure of what. I hate me. No one likes me. I drink every night. I always feel like crap, mentally and physically. But even so, I might still be okay. I can try again to slow this down and get control. I used to be a strong girl that could do anything she set her mind too, so yes....I will control it and only drink on weekends and only enough to catch a little buzz. No more embarrassing moments for me when I go out. That can work! Especially since I rarely go out anymore because I'm already drinking at home before dinner. On those rare occasions I go out, I'll control it and drink more when I get home. Then no one will no my secret and I'll still have friends....because everyone drinks.
At 50 on Aug 10, 2015 5am - "I can't do this anymore. I'm so sad and alone. I feel awful every day all day long. Why am I so angry at me and the world. All I feel is hate and loathing no matter what it is. Nothing makes me happy anymore. If this is my future, I don't want to live anymore. No one would care anyway if I wasn't around. It might even make the world a better place without me. I just bring misery and pain to anyone I know. Maybe it's time I'll just be done my life. If I can be creative about it, my daughter would get my life insurance. Than at least I would be able to give her something of importance and she can become the woman she should be, instead of me bringing her down. Maybe I should have a drink. Nah, its too early. I'll wait till later and I'll feel better, because everyone drinks.
At 50 on Aug 10, 2015 7am - "I'm done. I do not want to drink ever again. I will not drink ever again. Its the drinking thats doing this. If it's not, I am going to find out. If I can make it past the two week mark without one, I will give everything I've got never to drink again. Two weeks seems to be when I give in. I better not tell anyone yet because I may fail. I'll probably fail. NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY. But what if I don't? What if I can do it? What if this is the ticket out of my misery? I wouldn't know, I've never really given it a chance. I read, they say it is. Some say sober is the way to go to get out of this place in my head.
I'm gonna try my best. It'll be hard, everyone will be shocked and say I really don't have that big a problem, just a few "episodes". But I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore because everyone drinks and their not gonna stop for me. Its me, alone who has to do this for me, alone.
I haven't had a drink in 148 days. Thank you SR and thank whatever was still inside of me still had an ounce of hope left.
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
I woke up this morning feeling odd. I couldn't figure it out and felt the need to put it out there. As I wrote and cried, I felt forgiveness for the first time since sober. Well, since forever.
I actually was crying and not beating myself up mentally as I usually do. Through the tears, I was thinking "It's okay, you're okay" It was just repeating again and again through my mind and through the wails. It was almost like a mini breakdown but for the good. It was a new voice in my head. Could it be I'm possibly forgiving myself after years of abuse, neglect and secret misery? I sure hope so.
I think it was the "love" slowly coming back. I thought it was gone, never to be felt again. But it's still there though it was buried so deeply. There is love and forgiveness inside of me, inside of us all I believe, but we have built a "wall" over the years and kept it out. I thought I didn't deserve it.
Well something made that wall crumble today and it hit me hard. It scared me with all the feelings coming through at once but something inside let it happen, instead of me stifling the feelings as I always do.
I'm so grateful for all of you, and grateful I have a 2nd chance at a better life.
I actually was crying and not beating myself up mentally as I usually do. Through the tears, I was thinking "It's okay, you're okay" It was just repeating again and again through my mind and through the wails. It was almost like a mini breakdown but for the good. It was a new voice in my head. Could it be I'm possibly forgiving myself after years of abuse, neglect and secret misery? I sure hope so.
I think it was the "love" slowly coming back. I thought it was gone, never to be felt again. But it's still there though it was buried so deeply. There is love and forgiveness inside of me, inside of us all I believe, but we have built a "wall" over the years and kept it out. I thought I didn't deserve it.
Well something made that wall crumble today and it hit me hard. It scared me with all the feelings coming through at once but something inside let it happen, instead of me stifling the feelings as I always do.
I'm so grateful for all of you, and grateful I have a 2nd chance at a better life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Congrats on your 148 days....PS, you might want to update your 'Sobriety Date' on your profile here to 8/11/15, just to keep with 'rigorous honesty' keeping accountable.....
...and btw, everyone does NOT drink; I don't, and I'm part of everyone..............
(o:
...and btw, everyone does NOT drink; I don't, and I'm part of everyone..............
(o:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by NoelleR 
Congrats on your 148 days....PS, you might want to update your 'Sobriety Date' on your profile here to 8/11/15, just to keep with 'rigorous honesty' keeping accountable.....
...and btw, everyone does NOT drink; I don't, and I'm part of everyone..............
(o:
...and btw, everyone does NOT drink; I don't, and I'm part of everyone..............
(o:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by Dee74
My 'date' is the last day I drank, because that's the day my life changed....but I don't mind if people want to congratulate me on the day after 
Congrats on whatever day it is InTheEnd
D
Congrats on whatever day it is InTheEnd
D
Just to clarify for NoelleR, my last drink was Aug 9th, 2015 at around 9pm. Aug 10th was my first day without a drink. Hope that sets your mind at ease!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I too am glad Im one of many who
are not drinking, living with the
recovery tools and knowledge
taught to me a many one days at
a time ago.
What people do in their lives today
are actually none of my business.
Taking care of my side of the street
keeping it clean so to speak, is a lot
for me to handle.
Im one of many too that are older
in number age, 57, but I can tell you,
I don't feel old nor act old as I remind
myself that it is just a number.
I read about a women who is one
day away from turning 100 yrs old
and from the video, she does not look
old nor acts old because she was
bowling with her team striking pins
left and right.
That to me is truly inspiring because
I would hope that I can look and act
like her when I get to that age, God
willing.
Her secret is Faith and keep moving.
For me, I so enjoy my birds, gardening,
riding passenger with my husband who
is 11 yrs older than I on our Harley Road
King, enjoying Bike week at Daytona or
Sturgis, sober and riding free in the wind.
25 yrs ago, family intervened on me
placing me in the hands of many to
teach me about my addiction and gave
me a program of recovery to live by
and incorporate in all my affairs.
I looked to those in recovery living
a sober, happy, healthy life and wanted
what they had and continued to walk
in their paths listening, learning, absorbing
and applying many helpful suggestions
to guide me along in my own journey.
Today, I still travel my recovery road,
still learning new exciting ways to enjoy
life alcohol free passing on my own ESH-
experiences, strengths and hopes of what
my life was and is like before, during and
after alcohol. Very similar to what you
shared.
Sure, there will always be temptations,
always the devil trying his best to slip
me up, but because I continue to strengthen
my recovery foundation and tighten up
any loose threads on my recovery armor,
then I protect myself and ready to fight
off those temptations with my recovery
steel sword.
I will not allow anyone or anything
to mess with my peace of mind, my
recovery progress and hold many
of the gifts received in sobriety close
to my heart and remain grateful for
all of them.
Stay strong, continue to remain
responsible in recovery and pass
on your own ESH with others that
will follow you wanting what you
have.
You are a guiding light for others
as well as myself.
Continue to grow healthy, happy
and honest in all areas of your sober
life.
are not drinking, living with the
recovery tools and knowledge
taught to me a many one days at
a time ago.
What people do in their lives today
are actually none of my business.
Taking care of my side of the street
keeping it clean so to speak, is a lot
for me to handle.
Im one of many too that are older
in number age, 57, but I can tell you,
I don't feel old nor act old as I remind
myself that it is just a number.
I read about a women who is one
day away from turning 100 yrs old
and from the video, she does not look
old nor acts old because she was
bowling with her team striking pins
left and right.
That to me is truly inspiring because
I would hope that I can look and act
like her when I get to that age, God
willing.
Her secret is Faith and keep moving.
For me, I so enjoy my birds, gardening,
riding passenger with my husband who
is 11 yrs older than I on our Harley Road
King, enjoying Bike week at Daytona or
Sturgis, sober and riding free in the wind.
25 yrs ago, family intervened on me
placing me in the hands of many to
teach me about my addiction and gave
me a program of recovery to live by
and incorporate in all my affairs.
I looked to those in recovery living
a sober, happy, healthy life and wanted
what they had and continued to walk
in their paths listening, learning, absorbing
and applying many helpful suggestions
to guide me along in my own journey.
Today, I still travel my recovery road,
still learning new exciting ways to enjoy
life alcohol free passing on my own ESH-
experiences, strengths and hopes of what
my life was and is like before, during and
after alcohol. Very similar to what you
shared.
Sure, there will always be temptations,
always the devil trying his best to slip
me up, but because I continue to strengthen
my recovery foundation and tighten up
any loose threads on my recovery armor,
then I protect myself and ready to fight
off those temptations with my recovery
steel sword.
I will not allow anyone or anything
to mess with my peace of mind, my
recovery progress and hold many
of the gifts received in sobriety close
to my heart and remain grateful for
all of them.
Stay strong, continue to remain
responsible in recovery and pass
on your own ESH with others that
will follow you wanting what you
have.
You are a guiding light for others
as well as myself.
Continue to grow healthy, happy
and honest in all areas of your sober
life.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Great post, well done!!!
I think it's a moment of grace when we are given enough clarity to see our circumstances and ourselves for what they truly have become - then the acceptance and willingness to do something about them.
Pushing 150 days is stacking some time!
Good for you
I think it's a moment of grace when we are given enough clarity to see our circumstances and ourselves for what they truly have become - then the acceptance and willingness to do something about them.
Pushing 150 days is stacking some time!
Good for you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Congratulations on 148 days. That's terrific!
I had just turned 49 when I quit two years ago. I was also a daily drinker. There are some mornings I feel as old as dirt but we're making the best of the rest of our lives. Thanks for sharing that. It was awesome.
I had just turned 49 when I quit two years ago. I was also a daily drinker. There are some mornings I feel as old as dirt but we're making the best of the rest of our lives. Thanks for sharing that. It was awesome.
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