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Meeting People

Old 01-05-2016, 03:58 AM
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Meeting People

I'm just wondering how those of you out there that quit the drink found it meeting a new partner?
It is so hard to meet people that don't drink or do drink and are cool being with someone who is TT.
I realised recently that one of contributing factors to my relapses has been feeling lonely and knowing I find it easier to find a partner if I'm back on the drink because it's more sociably accepted.
I'm on a dating website and as soon as people realise I don't drink they run a mile. I guess the obvious conclusion there is that it says a lot about them as people but you hear my frustration.
Can only someone in recovery truly understand someone in recovery?
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Old 01-05-2016, 04:15 AM
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Hi

I just joined and hope that i can get help and meet people who have had a drinking problem.

I feel im heading there and i have decided today that i will stop!
i have been drinking quite a few bottles of wine weekly and i have reached a point that im not getting drunk hence drink some more
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Old 01-05-2016, 04:20 AM
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Plenty of us here!
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Old 01-05-2016, 04:21 AM
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Drinking and dating are a bad combination, IMO. I know it's generally expected but alcohol does have an affect on judgment, perception, and ability to pick up on red flags in the beginning.
In the long run it can really kill intimacy, and lead to dangerous and embarrassing situations. Not just for alcoholics but anyone who drinks regularly.

Ideally you'll find someone else who doesn't drink. I'm dating someone at work who drinks rarely and doesn't around me. My ex-husband and ex-boyfriend rarely drank either, and my drinking always bothered them. Someone out there is really going to admire your sobriety and be glad about it
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Old 01-05-2016, 04:30 AM
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Originally Posted by redladyslipper View Post
Drinking and dating are a bad combination, IMO. I know it's generally expected but alcohol does have an affect on judgment, perception, and ability to pick up on red flags in the beginning.
In the long run it can really kill intimacy, and lead to dangerous and embarrassing situations. Not just for alcoholics but anyone who drinks regularly.

Ideally you'll find someone else who doesn't drink. I'm dating someone at work who drinks rarely and doesn't around me. My ex-husband and ex-boyfriend rarely drank either, and my drinking always bothered them. Someone out there is really going to admire your sobriety and be glad about it
So so true. I fell into a relationship 2 years ago whilst an alcoholic, by the time I'd sobered up we had brought a house together, I'd lost my driving license and she no longer loved me. It was like waking up from some horrible nightmare.
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Old 01-05-2016, 04:56 AM
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I didn't date for 7 years after my divorce, I think one of the main reasons was hurt as I didn't see it coming and it had nothing to do with my drinking, I became a single parent overnight with a very demanding job, to this day I find it very odd I did not drink, there was just something inside me that said no for the first maybe two years.

A close female friend talked me into joining a dating site and yes I did meet someone, head over heels in love but OMG she drank heavy every night, when I noticed she was missing work due to drinking the night before we had a serious conversation, she did go through a program that I had, 28 days in patient, but went back at it. I somehow stayed sober while with her but relapsed very shortly after we broke up. You see once again in hindsight I had what is called a mental relapse, simply meaning my AV was planning the next binge and I did not see it coming.

I consider my GF I met in July of last year a gift and I am deeper in love than I ever have been, it's a bonus she doesn't drink (no specific reason, just doesn't like it) and it's a bonus to me she has a Dr.'s degree and works in mental illness, that is not why we are in love they just came with the most amazing lady I have ever met.

So yes it's possible and when you put on those sites, I know from experience, you do not drink, in my case it was impossible to meet someone so I changed it to social drinker knowing I should not ever pick up a drink, today Andrew knows he can't ever pick up a drink.

I wish you luck in your search but yes it is very possible, I screwed up by not being honest up front, no not necessarily the first date but neither of the two ladies I have dated knew I had a problem until I relapsed.....I almost lost my current GF because of this as then people wonder what else you may be hiding. It's a fine line but no one is perfect, at least I haven't met anyone, but if you find someone and start dating, my opinion is we really need to tell them the truth, not all the war stories but they should at least be aware,,,,,saves everyone a lot of heart ache should a relapse happen. I spent five hours on New Years eve an overview of my life with alcohol and my plan to never drink again, thank god she gave me another chance.

All the best
Andrew
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:39 AM
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This thread speaks to me.

I lost two marriages due to drinking. Not because they left me due to my drinking, but because I married two men that I never would have accepted if I'd been sober. We were entirely incompatible but I never noticed.

I, too, really would like to meet someone special. But I'm holding off to focus on sobriety for a little while so that I can bring my A game to an awesome partner.

I make no moral judgment about drinking, but I know that my next partner will need to be as committed to health, spirituality, and personal growth as I am. And I don't see how such a person will have much time for or interest in alcohol.
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Old 01-05-2016, 12:06 PM
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For me it all comes down to where I'm meeting people, sure if we go to the same places or take part in the same activities as we did when we drank then more than likely alcohol is going to be the centre of everything!!

However if we go out and get involved in new activities, new hobbies, new interests, there are people out there that firstly don't care if we don't drink, and secondly there will be other non drinkers!!

I try to keep it simple, I don't drink, I don't get into the whys, the hows and my back catalogue of drinking experiences, I stick to the present when talking to people and that is I am a non drinker!!
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Old 01-05-2016, 02:34 PM
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Forgot but yes in addictions counseling here its really pounded into our heads to not start a new relationship for at least a year and spend that time with a focus on ourselves.
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Old 01-05-2016, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight View Post
For me it all comes down to where I'm meeting people, sure if we go to the same places or take part in the same activities as we did when we drank then more than likely alcohol is going to be the centre of everything!!

However if we go out and get involved in new activities, new hobbies, new interests, there are people out there that firstly don't care if we don't drink, and secondly there will be other non drinkers!!

I try to keep it simple, I don't drink, I don't get into the whys, the hows and my back catalogue of drinking experiences, I stick to the present when talking to people and that is I am a non drinker!!
You hit the nail firmly on the head for me. It's about life without alcohol not life working around alcohol.
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Old 01-05-2016, 03:38 PM
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I had to take some me time because me was pretty messed up...I think had I gone into a new relationship when I got sober I would have been inflicting myself on someone.

I sorted myself out...became a lot more emotionally healthy...and that's really made the difference for me , especially in relationships.

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