Do I belong here?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Looking at your list I'd say, yes, you belong here.
Lots of professional people keeping it together still have a problem with alcohol
Stop for a few months totally and see how you feel.
If you don't have a problem, it should be easy and not much of an adjustment.
Lots of professional people keeping it together still have a problem with alcohol
Stop for a few months totally and see how you feel.
If you don't have a problem, it should be easy and not much of an adjustment.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 123
Hi Kiki,
I was like that for a long time. It took me 6 years of thinking I was ok. That I could manage it. That I didn't have stories.
In the last six months of my drinking I got all those stories. I kept digging for my rock bottom.
It landed me in a police cell and a psychiatric hospital for a week.
Please don't think you need to have a full repertoire of drunk stories to be an alcoholic. Mine are nothing to be proud of.
I wish I'd been able to get off the ride earlier. I wasn't ready though.
I was like that for a long time. It took me 6 years of thinking I was ok. That I could manage it. That I didn't have stories.
In the last six months of my drinking I got all those stories. I kept digging for my rock bottom.
It landed me in a police cell and a psychiatric hospital for a week.
Please don't think you need to have a full repertoire of drunk stories to be an alcoholic. Mine are nothing to be proud of.
I wish I'd been able to get off the ride earlier. I wasn't ready though.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I'm taking a class on alcoholism and they describe four phases. The third phase is characterized by preoccupation with alcohol, and alcohol being interwoven into almost every corner of life. Sounds like that's where you are.
Don't use stories as a measure of addiction. I've been an addict for decades and only started racking up stories in the last year.
Don't use stories as a measure of addiction. I've been an addict for decades and only started racking up stories in the last year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
This all sounds so...true. I have this vision of me skipping into recovery. I am happy and content. I'm not bothered by people drinking cause I don't want any. I don't have to be buzzed after 2 beers and drunk in 3 trying to figure out how to get home or passing out a friends like a college kid which I'm not. I don't have to be tired cause drinking makes me tired or bored cause just drinking isn't very exciting. I have a spiritual life that feels realistic. I'm hopeful and I don't worry about everything. I think positive thoughts and I actually like helping people. I laugh easily and take troubles with a grain of salt.
This is my stupid ridiculous unattainable vision. If you told me I could have this I'd quit stupid beer in a second. I'm afraid you can't tell me but I so want you to. I want to believe you. I see you guys doing it but I just don't know if I am built that way.
This is my stupid ridiculous unattainable vision. If you told me I could have this I'd quit stupid beer in a second. I'm afraid you can't tell me but I so want you to. I want to believe you. I see you guys doing it but I just don't know if I am built that way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I don't think any of us would say that you can "skip into recovery" if you have a problem with alcohol.
I know I haven't.
If you've been using booze to manage your emotions, for recreation,
or to deal with problems like most of us, it's more like hard work than skipping to stop.
That's why I suggested taking several months off in my earlier post--
that's a good gauge for how dependent you actually are on alcohol.
I suspect you will find it isn't easy at all to stop, in which case you will have answered your initial posting question.
Yes, you have a problem.
You are indeed "built the same way" as the rest of us Press.
Problems take work, will, and effort to solve but they can be solved
but only if you are committed to solving them and creating new ways to deal with life.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step to a solution
I know I haven't.
If you've been using booze to manage your emotions, for recreation,
or to deal with problems like most of us, it's more like hard work than skipping to stop.
That's why I suggested taking several months off in my earlier post--
that's a good gauge for how dependent you actually are on alcohol.
I suspect you will find it isn't easy at all to stop, in which case you will have answered your initial posting question.
Yes, you have a problem.
You are indeed "built the same way" as the rest of us Press.
Problems take work, will, and effort to solve but they can be solved
but only if you are committed to solving them and creating new ways to deal with life.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step to a solution
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
On a very real level, I doubted that I could do this either - but I had no where to go but try, Pressme.
Not trying because you may fail is not a reasonable excuse when your life and your future is on the line.
I kept it simple - everyday I recommitted to sobriety and I did everything I could to uphold that commitment.
soon the days became weeks, and the weeks months, and then years.
It all starts with a day one
D
Not trying because you may fail is not a reasonable excuse when your life and your future is on the line.
I kept it simple - everyday I recommitted to sobriety and I did everything I could to uphold that commitment.
soon the days became weeks, and the weeks months, and then years.
It all starts with a day one
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt 
This is my stupid ridiculous unattainable vision. If you told me I could have this I'd quit stupid beer in a second. I'm afraid you can't tell me but I so want you to. I want to believe you. I see you guys doing it but I just don't know if I am built that way.
You can have anything you want. You just cannot have everything you want.
You sound downright desperate for comfort. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
I think labels can be very dangerous things. I know I kept using different definitions of alcoholism to find ones that didn't apply to me. Ignoring all the ones that did.
In a nutshell, you belong here if you feel you belong here. You have a problem with alcohol if you feel you have a problem with alcohol. That's the only definition that matters. Forget about other people's war stories. Don't look at the drunk lying in the gutter soaked in his own urine and say "see, I'm not like that, I'm fine". You were in AA, you've signed up here, you have a list of issues with alcohol. That's where to look for your answer.
Regarding your latest question, there is no guarantee quitting will be easy, but read around these forums to see how many people from all different drinking backgrounds have quit, or are quitting. If you aren't sure about trying AA again, look at the many, many different approaches used (I went with AVRT and reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking). There's a method that will be the right fit for you.
The one thing I can say from personal experience of my seven months sober, and you'll see it repeated all over these forums, is that my life is genuinely better than it was drinking. I am happier. I'm more engaged with life. My relationship with my two girls is better. I laugh more. When thing go wrong, as of course they still do, I get less upset about them than I used to, bounce back quicker. Your "ridiculous unattainable vision" is attainable. Very much so.
In a nutshell, you belong here if you feel you belong here. You have a problem with alcohol if you feel you have a problem with alcohol. That's the only definition that matters. Forget about other people's war stories. Don't look at the drunk lying in the gutter soaked in his own urine and say "see, I'm not like that, I'm fine". You were in AA, you've signed up here, you have a list of issues with alcohol. That's where to look for your answer.
Regarding your latest question, there is no guarantee quitting will be easy, but read around these forums to see how many people from all different drinking backgrounds have quit, or are quitting. If you aren't sure about trying AA again, look at the many, many different approaches used (I went with AVRT and reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking). There's a method that will be the right fit for you.
The one thing I can say from personal experience of my seven months sober, and you'll see it repeated all over these forums, is that my life is genuinely better than it was drinking. I am happier. I'm more engaged with life. My relationship with my two girls is better. I laugh more. When thing go wrong, as of course they still do, I get less upset about them than I used to, bounce back quicker. Your "ridiculous unattainable vision" is attainable. Very much so.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Hello Pressme,
Your post mirrors my very first post almost identically.
I don't have a single war story to tell and the lack of one kept me drinking for years.
I attended a couple of AA meetings and found great comfort that I was nothing like those alcoholics. I continued to drink.
But just like you my life had become alcohol-centric, and yes I'm an alcoholic.
If you are looking for a sign or proof that your drinking may be a problem, just be patient and give it some time because this is a progressive disease and proof will surely come your way eventually.
I can categorically state that the doors that will open to you through abstinence far outnumber those that you will need to close.
And what better gift for your child than a sober parent. I wish I'd been one.
Good luck on your journey.
Your post mirrors my very first post almost identically.
I don't have a single war story to tell and the lack of one kept me drinking for years.
I attended a couple of AA meetings and found great comfort that I was nothing like those alcoholics. I continued to drink.
But just like you my life had become alcohol-centric, and yes I'm an alcoholic.
If you are looking for a sign or proof that your drinking may be a problem, just be patient and give it some time because this is a progressive disease and proof will surely come your way eventually.
I can categorically state that the doors that will open to you through abstinence far outnumber those that you will need to close.
And what better gift for your child than a sober parent. I wish I'd been one.
Good luck on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I drank for 30 years and had no serious war stories for 28. In year 29 I had many including the death of my closest friend from drinking, a DUI and being hit by a car while walking home drunk etc etc etc etc etc etc.
It would be a great gift to give yourself if you can quit before things slide further for you.
It would be a great gift to give yourself if you can quit before things slide further for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
Havent had a beer in 3 days. Well, almost 4 days. I've been sick so kinda doesn't count.
I hung out with my kid without a frothy cold mug. Was nice.
I Have a party to go to this Friday at a place that has bowling, pool, arcade games and lots of beer.
I'm bummed to not drink there. I'm also kinda happy to not be sick that night or next day.
I used to be able to drink much more but now 3 pints and I am likely to puke. Could be my anxiety meds or just age.
I Texted someone I know who is sober. I regretted it after cause I hate letting people down. She might be at the bowling beer party. Haven't been to another mtg. The sober friend suggested Some. Might go. Not raising my hand. Seems pointless. The Kaiser alcohol group place didn't call me back. will call again tomorrow.
I realize I've been so angry at the world and all the stupid people that I've made myself miserable.
Kiki
I hung out with my kid without a frothy cold mug. Was nice.
I Have a party to go to this Friday at a place that has bowling, pool, arcade games and lots of beer.
I'm bummed to not drink there. I'm also kinda happy to not be sick that night or next day.
I used to be able to drink much more but now 3 pints and I am likely to puke. Could be my anxiety meds or just age.
I Texted someone I know who is sober. I regretted it after cause I hate letting people down. She might be at the bowling beer party. Haven't been to another mtg. The sober friend suggested Some. Might go. Not raising my hand. Seems pointless. The Kaiser alcohol group place didn't call me back. will call again tomorrow.
I realize I've been so angry at the world and all the stupid people that I've made myself miserable.
Kiki
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
See if you can go 90 days sober.
I became addicted after college. During college if someone would have told me. "I'll give you 100 dollars if you can go sober for 90 days." I would have said "Can I have 200 if I can go 180 days?" It would have been that easy. Very slowly it crept up on me. I haven't even done more than 12 days in 5 years. My point is you lose nothing by going 90 days and seeing how it feels. Better to find out now before you do have some "stories."
I became addicted after college. During college if someone would have told me. "I'll give you 100 dollars if you can go sober for 90 days." I would have said "Can I have 200 if I can go 180 days?" It would have been that easy. Very slowly it crept up on me. I haven't even done more than 12 days in 5 years. My point is you lose nothing by going 90 days and seeing how it feels. Better to find out now before you do have some "stories."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
1. My son noticed how often I drink now - he talks about beer and people being drunk. He's 9.
Sometimes us drunks don't see the writing on the wall
until it's too late.
MB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
Oh man... I don't want to be that parent.
I was raised by drinkers. I'm not as bad as they were but it still sucks that he's noticing. I know he's learning that alcohol = fun. But isn't that everywhere in our culture?
I was raised by drinkers. I'm not as bad as they were but it still sucks that he's noticing. I know he's learning that alcohol = fun. But isn't that everywhere in our culture?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
Havent had a beer in 3 days. Well, almost 4 days. I've been sick so kinda doesn't count. I hung out with my kid without a frothy cold mug. Was nice. I Have a party to go to this Friday at a place that has bowling, pool, arcade games and lots of beer. I'm bummed to not drink there. I'm also kinda happy to not be sick that night or next day. I used to be able to drink much more but now 3 pints and I am likely to puke. Could be my anxiety meds or just age. I Texted someone I know who is sober. I regretted it after cause I hate letting people down. She might be at the bowling beer party. Haven't been to another mtg. The sober friend suggested Some. Might go. Not raising my hand. Seems pointless. The Kaiser alcohol group place didn't call me back. will call again tomorrow. I realize I've been so angry at the world and all the stupid people that I've made myself miserable. Kiki
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
yes. If I'm gonna not drink it's a bad idea to go. My partner is hosting it. Kinda obligated. Maybe I'll drink Coke all night. Or eat a big meal. I only like drinking on an empty stomach. Can feel the buzz more. Thx you guys. I feel cared for. I appreciate it.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
yes. If I'm gonna not drink it's a bad idea to go. My partner is hosting it. Kinda obligated. Maybe I'll drink Coke all night. Or eat a big meal. I only like drinking on an empty stomach. Can feel the buzz more. Thx you guys. I feel cared for. I appreciate it.
Here's a challenge; eat a big meal, go, grab a Coke or similar early in the night so your hands are occupied, and see how you cope.
Yes it is a buzz to drink on an empty stomach, but if your aim is not to drink, eat first. If you can't go through with it for a night, then yes, you probably are in early stage alcoholism.
It does take some time to build up the motivation to stop drinking, but once you know why you're sober it's not as hard as you think, especially as the rewards start accumulating. Number one for me was a big increase in self-esteem. As imperfect as I am, at least this is one part of my life I'm in control of.
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