short and not so sweet
 

drank two vodka ginger ales watching the viking/packer game. instead of feeling revved up and ready for more, i felt "off" my game. disappointing i guess. one that i consumed some alcohol. but also disappointing that the result was a dud. i used to get pretty amped up watching big games and boozing. instead i got hungry then tired. so that is it. not sure if there is an upside or learning experience from this. but telling the truth to my support group feels better. jeff.

Drinking got pretty lame for me too, I'm glad though.

Hi Jeff

I can't really think of anything new to tell you.

It looks like you've really gotten into a cycle of not drinking for a while, then drinking...

then coming here to unburden yourself, confessing your sins, and then...well that's pretty much it til the next drink.

That's not good for you.

I'll say it again - I think you have a self image problem - your mental image of Jeff is still Jeff the drinker.

You really need to think about that, and about the cycle you're in, or you risk going back to where you used to be, man.

D

dee, your words about the risk of becoming a drinker again weigh heavily on me. will contribute more about this trip when i get home on tuesday. jeff.

I'm not angry with you Jeff - or frustrated - but I am worried.

Newcomers reading might think 'it's 2 drinks - whats Dee's problem'...but it's the mindset those drinks represent for you, and why you keep returning to the trough, that worries me.

What I said to you last time weighed heavy on you too IIRC... but it didn't stop you.

Kiki had a good post about euphoric recall a few days back - I think it's worth a read Jeff.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-recall.html

D

Hi Jeff,

It's good that you didn't get a euphoric feeling from the drinks but you were still looking for it, yes?

I'm still drinking but seeing my doctor on Thursday to discuss the next step forward. The last 2-3 weeks I have drunk as heavily as I did last August before my detox.

You're managing the odd drink at the moment and then a long time between drinks but you know it's a slippery slope. Just keep aware of what's going on.

Good luck x

The learning experience is REACH OUT before going for the drink this is your life all I'm going to say are facts

For this to work youl need a plan & stick to it
Improve upon all your previous efforts
REACH OUT REACH OUT REACH OUT - this is such a powerful tool Jeff employ it
Tell a Dr what is happening
Consider rehab

Jeff I'm your friend & say this as one

I was in "serial relapse mode" all last year too Jeff

I put a stop to it and I strongly suggest you do the same.
You haven't truly quit--you've been hitting pause way too often of late.

So did I.
Stop it now--only you can

You've lost that loving feeling.

Soberwolf posted an article recently about a guy who refuses to allow himself to entertain romantic thoughts about alcohol. It was a good read.

I hated my last relapse and was very disappointed as my AV said one beer to see the migrant workers heading back would be ok........oh boy a month later I came out of the fog, in and out of the hospital/detox/back at it, it was a very, very rough go and I hated every moment of it. I think at least for me I have to be mindful Alcohol is not my friend in any way, I know it wants my life and that isn't going to happen, I believe that was part of my frustration but that was the past and doing great since Dec 12th

I don't know what you think "confessing" does?

This two drink thing? What's the point? People like us aren't happy with two drinks, like you said in your post, it's disappointing. That high, that being amped, that is what we want. You can't get that on two drinks.

Jeff, you're playing with fire. You're playing the same, "I can moderate," game we have all played and it's not going to work.

Please put it down for good - before you chase that high again.

I've read most if not all of your posts, and I don't know what advice to share other than that you should quit, you can be a real bad drunk. Me too, so I decided to quit for good, the only thing I'm missing out on is being a bad drunk, and that's not missing out on anything.
Me and alcohol suck , just a fact. It took me years and years to face up to that fact and to decide to be done with it. I got to the point of having had enough and realizing more wasn't going to fix it or make it better. Cutting it out lock , stock and barrel guarantees I will never again be a bad drunk, quit taking chances, just quit.

Jeff, what do you need to do to give up alcohol for good? You are keeping the door cracked open, rather than closing it firmly, and so relapse after relapse continues. I hope you can do some soul-searching and come up with what you need to convince yourself to stop drinking forever.

I behaved in similar fashion as to what you've described many times. Simply, while I would verbalize I had a problem and had some level of desire to quit I really had not accepted I could not drink. There is no hope until we are accepting in my experience.

Then there are those who accept the problem but not the solution. At one point I accepted I would die from drinking - probably a heart attack or respiratory failure. But I still did not want to accept the solution.

"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

Brilliantly put: Accepting the problem, but not accepting the solution.

That's exactly what I had to do myself -- accept the solution. And it sounds like that's what you need to do, too.

dee, your words about the risk of becoming a drinker again weigh heavily on me.

one could argue you ARE a drinker, jeff......you aren't at full STOP and you aren't at full GO (yet).

so what was your mindset that gave you permission to drink? what was the mental conversation? it's great you come here and pull your covers AFTERWARDS, but did you give any consideration to coming here BEFORE you made those drinks? this isn't 20 questions, i just want you to really examine your thought process and your motives......go read your post on Jan 1......what happened?

If you always do, what you always did, you will always get, what you always got.

Sobriety is about change not trying to make your old life work without drinking

Jeff, I have nothing new either, and others have said so many good things above this post.

One thing is standing out to me. In most of your "I drank but" posts, there has been regret that you went back there. To drinking.

This time there just seems to be regret that alcohol didn't give you what you wanted it to. Until we accept that alcohol gives us nothing that we want, that we have to find "it" elsewhere, we keep going back to the booze to meet our needs.

I'm sick of that crap. I had to learn to look to constructive ways to meet my needs. If you have what you need, you don't need to look for something to change your state of mind, escape, amp up, whatever; you will be free.

As long as I continue to learn that
alcohol addiction is still alive and
taking folks down on a daily bases,
the more reassured I am in my own
recovery that I will not drink today.

When I got sober 25 yrs ago, I learned
about my addiction and a program of
recovery to incorporate in all areas
of my life.

I continue to do so today as well
as passing on my own ESH -
experiences, strengths and hopes
of what my life was and is like before,
during and after my alcohol addiction.

Giving others the hope that so many
gave me yrs ago, that if they could
and would remain sober one day at a
time incorporating an effective program
of recovery in their own lives then so
could I.

For each person that goes back
out to do some testing, experimenting
to see if alcohol can work and come
back to let me know it doesn't, seals
my own determination to remain
sober no matter what.

You can too.

Stay strong and learn everything
you can about addiction and its
affects on your own mind, body
and soul and learn some sort of
recovery program to guide you
each day as you continue on your
road of recovery to achieve health,
happiness and honesty. :)

^This. You know... I am a research scientist and I wish all of my experiments were as reproducible as this one of yours!