short and not so sweet
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Sobriety is about change not trying to make your old life work without drinking
in all my years in and around recovery (1987) this has to be the single most brilliant summary of recovery i've EVER heard!!!!
in all my years in and around recovery (1987) this has to be the single most brilliant summary of recovery i've EVER heard!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Jeff, I'm sorry to say that I expected this after your other posts. I had hoped that I was wrong. When I was in your shoes (and yes, I definitely was! I suspect Dee was getting tired of my nonsense though he was always tactful), I finally reached a point where I got heavy duty help. That's what it took to get through to me and get me through it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Jeff, yeah drinking lost it's effect for me too after a while, to the point that I was either getting blackout drunk or having nothing at all, moderation didn't give me enough, which is why it didn't work!!
How about spending the playoffs with us here on SR, we have a thread going in the Cafe, everyone is welcome, it'll be far more fun than drinking!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
How about spending the playoffs with us here on SR, we have a thread going in the Cafe, everyone is welcome, it'll be far more fun than drinking!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Jeff,
It was just a day or so ago I thought I'd finally seen a sea change in your thinking. That you'd given up on trying to drink moderately which you so clearly can't do. But sadly I was wrong. You gave no hint in your reply then that you were already planning on drinking again.
Instead of confessing yet again to having already had your "two drinks", how about confessing on here when you're planning to have those drinks, and at least see if we can help talk you out of it. Maybe explain to us why you think it's a great idea for you to drink. What exactly you expect to gain from those two drinks. In previous posts you've said how you always make careful plans before you do anything. And I believe that's what you do with your drinking as well. I don't think they're spur of the moment decisions. I suspect, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that you put a lot of thinking into them. Like you did with the hunting trip for example. So why not share that thought process before you act on it. Hopefully by writing it down you'll see how bad these decisions are for you and maybe, just maybe, decide against it.
It was just a day or so ago I thought I'd finally seen a sea change in your thinking. That you'd given up on trying to drink moderately which you so clearly can't do. But sadly I was wrong. You gave no hint in your reply then that you were already planning on drinking again.
Instead of confessing yet again to having already had your "two drinks", how about confessing on here when you're planning to have those drinks, and at least see if we can help talk you out of it. Maybe explain to us why you think it's a great idea for you to drink. What exactly you expect to gain from those two drinks. In previous posts you've said how you always make careful plans before you do anything. And I believe that's what you do with your drinking as well. I don't think they're spur of the moment decisions. I suspect, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that you put a lot of thinking into them. Like you did with the hunting trip for example. So why not share that thought process before you act on it. Hopefully by writing it down you'll see how bad these decisions are for you and maybe, just maybe, decide against it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy 
I behaved in similar fashion as to what you've described many times. Simply, while I would verbalize I had a problem and had some level of desire to quit I really had not accepted I could not drink. There is no hope until we are accepting in my experience.
Then there are those who accept the problem but not the solution. At one point I accepted I would die from drinking - probably a heart attack or respiratory failure. But I still did not want to accept the solution.
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
Then there are those who accept the problem but not the solution. At one point I accepted I would die from drinking - probably a heart attack or respiratory failure. But I still did not want to accept the solution.
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse
Brilliantly put: Accepting the problem, but not accepting the solution.
That's exactly what I had to do myself -- accept the solution. And it sounds like that's what you need to do, too.
That's exactly what I had to do myself -- accept the solution. And it sounds like that's what you need to do, too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
I could have written your exact post... actually, I probably have, just with slight differences. I am also a serial poster of "after the fact regret" and I know the lovely people on these threads probably get so sick of us types! I just got home from a two week vacation where I drink basically the whole time "in moderation" except for the two to three times that I didn't, and caused issues with my family, or just felt crappy, exhausted, and hopeless. I have not read your other posts, but for from others replies it seems that you, nor I are candidates for the moderate drinking sector. I had wanted day one to be January 2nd and vowed it to be my last day of drinking, but did not have a plan, was still on vacation, and was surrounded by booze. So, maybe I got ahead of myself, maybe it was just another excuse, but now that I'm home, tomorrow is my day to plan. I saw that Anna recommended a book on another thread "drinking, a love story" and ordered it to be here Wednesday. Not sure if it was a book that would help you, but I'm hoping it helps me! I also finally open up to some family members that I hadn't before, and in an email asked them all to give me until the end of the month to figure things out on my own, and then if I was still struggling, support me entering a rehab program. It was a huge step for me. I don't really have any good advice considering I'm sort of in your same situation, but I think that you, just like I know we can't just change something, we have to change everything. Good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
There is someone on this site who has told me a couple times "Jeff, you are not a good drunk, and neither am I". While it was nice for that person to include themselves in the conversation, quite frankly it made me angry. You know why it made me angry? Because it is true.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Not sure if the poster is a butt-inski, open forums and all. And pretty sure they don't mean to be a pain in the a$$ just to be one. Just a spade caller hoping to change some perspective, and coming from a place that "gets it".
I'm sure he wishes you well
I'm sure he wishes you well
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